Out of My Mind
by bexi21
Summary: When Edward left Bella in Forks, his intention was to protect her from himself. But leaving her ignited something no one ever foresaw, not even Alice. Because of his decision, he’s killing her. Can Bella be saved before she's lost to Edward forever?OOC,AU
1. The Beginning of the End

**Title**: Out of My Mind

Author(s): bexi21 and KathyJay

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing in this story except for our own little plot line and any characters you may not recognize. Everything else is property of the genius Stephenie Meyer.

**Spoilers**: Make sure you've read Twilight and at least up to Chapter 3 of New Moon.

**Synopsis**: Bella can't fathom living her life without Edward in it. When he left her behind in Forks, his intention was to protect her from himself. But leaving her ignited something no one ever foresaw, not even Alice. Because of Edward's decision, he's killing his one true love. Can Bella be saved before she is lost to Edward forever, or is she doomed to a fate beyond anyone's control?

**A/N**: For areas in italics, some things were either paraphrased or directly quoted from the following pages and books; 'Twilight' - pgs. 450-451, 455-456, 463-464; 'New Moon' - pgs. 69-70. Most of that material is property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement was intended. This was purely to depict flashbacks in the story. It's all for entertainment purposes and we receive no profit from any of this.

Also, I will be putting a link to a video preview of our story in my profile. Credit for the video goes to KitKatCullenBar :)

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**Chapter 1**

Bella's POV_:_

_He's_ gone. I can't bring myself to even think his name. There's a hole in my chest so wide I'm surprised the rest of my body doesn't collapse around it. I was shocked when my body actually enabled me to fall asleep after what happened, but when I did, I was tortured by dreams of _him_. I don't know if I would call them nightmares... Any way that I could see _his_ face can't possibly be referred to as a nightmare, especially now that _he's_ gone... How else can I keep _him_ with me?

_I was in the dance studio, scrambling on my hands and knees on the floor trying to get away from the hunter. James. Warm blood spilling down my head pooled down to the wooden floor, the smell of it twisting my stomach... It was sucking my consciousness away with it... Let it be quick... My eyes were closing..._

_I heard, as if from underwater, the final growl of the hunter. I could see, through the long tunnels my eyes had become, his dark shape coming toward me. With my last effort, my hand instinctively raised to protect my face. My eyes closed, and I drifted... A sharp pain slashed my upraised hand..._

_Black._

_Silence._

_Carlisle was bent over me, working on my head. "Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late."_

_Edward's face was drawn. I watched his eyes as the doubt was suddenly replaced with a blazing determination. His jaw tightened. I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it in place. Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin._

_At first the pain was worse. I screamed and thrashed against the cool hands that held me back... Then, slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb..._

_"Is it all out?" Carlisle asked._

_"Her blood tastes clean," Edward said quietly. "I can taste the morphine."_

_Black._

_Silence._

_I was lying in a hospital bed. Edward leaned in slowly; the beeping noise accelerated wildly before his lips even touched me. But when they did, though with the most gentle of pressure, the beeping stopped altogether._

_He pulled back abruptly, his anxious expression turning to relief as the monitor reported the restarting of my heart._

_"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." He frowned._

_"I was not finished kissing you," I complained. "Don't make me come over there."_

_He grinned and bent to press his lips lightly to mine. The monitor went wild._

_Black._

_Silence._

_I was standing in the middle of the forest with Edward. The trees began to spin around us, faster and faster until I fell to the ground. _

_Edward glared his icy gaze down at me, his voice echoing repeatedly though his lips did not move. "I'm no good for you, Bella... My world is not for you... I don't want you to come with me..."_

_He turned and started to run away from me, so fast that he got lost in the mess of swirly trees._

_"Edward... wait! Come back. Edward, don't leave me. Please..." I begged the trees to stop spinning._

_And suddenly, just like that, they did. And then it was black. Nothing but black. My quick and shallow breath echoed too loudly in my ears. There was no other sound, no wind, no birds, no trees... _

_"Edward?" I whispered, my voice cracking._

_I strained my ears and held my breath, hoping to be able to hear him though the pitch black. I heard a low growl right behind me and I turned around to a pair of bright topaz eyes glowing in the darkness._

_"Edward." A tear burned my cheek and I could see him clearly now. His expressionless face tore my heart to pieces._

_"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

_"No."_

I woke up screaming, sitting upright in bed. I couldn't breathe. It hurt too much. I clutched at my ribs. The pain was crippling.

Suddenly I heard my song playing as if his piano was right in my bedroom, then his perfect voice was whispering in my ear: _Bella... Don't cry, Bella._

"But you left!" I whimpered. My voice was so small.

_I'm right here. Listen to my voice, Bella._

I looked around the room, sniffling, wiping at my face. Had he come through my window and was hiding somewhere in the darkness? No. It was my mind playing tricks on me. He really was gone... but his voice was comfort enough for now. At least I still had that little piece of him left.

_Don't cry, Bella. Go back to sleep._

The piano kept playing my song and I obeyed him, laying my head back down onto my pillow after I turned it over so the tear-soaked side was on the bottom. "Don't leave me," I whispered into the darkness, hugging my arms around myself. I closed my eyes. "I love you..."

_I will always love you._

His soft, angelic voice echoed around me as I welcomed the sleep that clouded my mind. I could feel the tears warm on my skin, slowly slipping down my face. I tasted their salt as they rolled over my lips and pooled into the material of my pillow. Every nerve in my body was singing and when the last syllables of his words pierced my mind, I felt my legs relax. My arms grew slack and the beating of my heart slowed to a pace almost inaudible to my own ears. Soon, there was nothing but black.

_He was so devastatingly beautiful as he stood before me. His liquid gold eyes shown with such intensity, that my limbs were frozen in place. We were like two statues standing in the middle of the forest. I was the lowly human girl, desperately clinging onto the image of his face. And he was anything but human as his nose flared dangerously when the wind blew my scent to ruffle the strands of his bronze hair. He was infuriating, powerful, stunning. He was Edward – _my_ Edward. And he was leaving me._

_I could feel my throat constricting at the thought of never seeing him again. My heart began to beat rapidly beneath my chest and even when the tears clouded my sight of his glorious face, I knew that his expression hadn't changed. He was still cold and hard, still so much more superior to me. Did the hysteria that was surely about to burst through me not make him feel the smallest hint of guilt? Pity even? I'd take anything if I could only see those topaz eyes sparkling with emotion for me again. _

"_You promised!" I pleaded, willing to drop down to my knees and beg if I had to. "In Phoenix, you promised you would stay – "_

"_As long as that was best for you." _

_I knew it then. When I looked into his eyes, rimmed with the tiniest trace of black, I knew that he no longer loved me. _

"Edward!!"

Sweat dripped down the back of my neck. I was gasping for air, willing the oxygen to fill my lungs that burned painfully within my chest.

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"

Charlie had burst through my door, his hair wild, eyes crazed. "Honey, what's wrong?" he asked again, clearly on the verge of panic, as he looked me over.

It was then that I glanced down at the sheets that were twisted over my leg. My other leg was hanging off of the bed and the alarm clock was now lying on its side on the hard wooden floor. "I-I…" I swallowed hard, furrowing my brow as I tried to concentrate. "It was just a nightmare, Dad. I'm fine," I lied.

His small dark eyes narrowed in on me. Hadn't I been told more than once that I was a terrible liar? "Are you sure?" His voice was gruff from the lack of sleep, something that was undoubtedly my fault.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

He huffed something inaudible and then nodded. "Let me know if you need anything, Bells."

"Ok," I whispered, watching him retreat through the doorway.

'_She was always a terrible liar. What the hell did that Edward do to her?'_

Bewildered, I stared into the back of his white nightshirt. "What did you say?"

"What?" Charlie turned around quickly to look at me, his eyes confused as they glistened in the moonlight from my window. "I didn't say anything, Bella. Now, get back to bed. You've got school in the morning."

He then closed the door, leaving me to sit in my mess of tangled sheets as I stared blankly at the spot where he once stood. "This is insane," I whispered, threading my fingers into the roots of my hair. Sighing heavily, I allowed my body to give way to gravity and collapse back onto the mattress. My eyes stared unseeing towards the ceiling above me, studying a patch of whiteness and imaging it to be part of _his_ skin – so close to me and yet so far away. Slowly but surely, my eyes fluttered close and all was dark once more.


	2. He Who Walks in the Valley of Death

Author(s): bexi21 and KathyJay (kalejay)

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing but our little plot - everything else is property of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: Thank you so much for your comments, everyone! We're glad you're enjoying this. Here's chapter two - now mind you... this isn't going to be anywhere near similar to 'New Moon.' So... Edward doesn't go traversing to the same places he did, etc. Just keep that in mind... lol.

Next update will be Bella's POV.

**FYI:** The small Romanian translation in this update was done by **storylover10**. HUGE thanks goes out to that person!

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**Chapter Two**

Edward's POV:

Her floral scent still surrounded me. When I closed my eyes, I saw her standing in the forest, begging me to stay. I could see her lips moving as she spoke. I could see the tears spreading over her liquid brown eyes. Every strand of her hair never moved unnoticed by my gaze. I wanted to reach out and feel the warmth of her skin against my cold flesh. I wanted to feel her heart racing beneath my hand, to see her cheeks flush the ruby red that made my dead heart blaze with life. But I had made my choice. And now I would never have those moments again.

For the rest of my undead life, I would regret leaving her.

A cold mist hit my face and I glanced upwards. The sky clouded overhead, a dismal gray that touched the tops of the surrounding forest. The trees were still. The air was thick. And all was silent as I walked up the dusty path of a small village. Several small one-story homes were strewn in such a way, that I imagined an invisible line connecting them in a zigzag like fashion. The soft, haunting chant of monks echoed from a few miles ahead in the monastery of Curtea de Arges. And just beyond that was Poenari Castle – the castle of Vlad the Impaler, the real Dracula.

I smirked sadistically. Here was the one place I was feared the most – I was hated here the most. And above all, I enjoyed the startled looks of the villagers as they worked in their yards, pulling up weeds and casting them into the street. I took comfort in the blackened thoughts that filled their minds as they saw me pass. _Pale skin, eyes of night, lips of blood…_ My eyes would flicker to them and they would jump. I would hear their hearts flutter uncontrollably in their chest and my mouth would pool with cool venom.

A young girl ran into the street a few feet in front of me. Her dark brown hair bounced in the wind, sending the most delicious scent towards my nose. My nostrils flared, my jaw tensed, and I watched her, like a lion watches his prey, as she ran into the arms of her father. The older man embraced the child and immediately withdrew into their small hut; his dark eyes glowing menacingly towards me.

My eyes flickered to the left. An old woman, her hair white as snow, stood facing me from her window. When my gaze met hers, she hissed loudly, grabbing the red shutters and pulling them close. "ce-l făr de viață, să arzi în focurile iadului ." Her harsh voice filtered through my ears, sending a delicious smile to spread across my lips. _"Cold one, may you burn in the fires of hell."_

_If she only knew_, I thought. _If she only knew…_

Thick smoke rose ahead; gray puffs billowing into the air. As I walked, I saw a man working behind his home, throwing sticks and tree limbs into the fire he had created. His small, almost black, eyes flickered to my face. He grimaced and spit into the ground, showing his disgrace for what I was. Carlisle had warned me about Romania. In the small villages, people were more than willing to believe in vampires. Only they didn't know the truth about us. They believed in keeping garlic on their person for protection or tacking strands of it up beside of their windows. They would nail crosses over their beds and keep vials of holy water in their rooms.

How glorious it was for me to be in such a place of hate towards my species. I needed to feel this - after what I did to her, I deserved it. I relished it, basked in the whirlpool of heated whispers that filtered my mind. A woman slammed her door shut when I turned to face her. A black cross swung angrily back and forth against the wood as if to frighten me away. _Superstitious fools_, I thought.

As I ventured further, I started to walk up an incline toward the stone monastery where the monks' voices echoed towards the skies. It was nice in a strange way. I actually enjoyed being able to get lost in such a beautifully, haunting sound. The large wooden front door, swung open and a skinny young man cloaked in a brown robe walked out onto the grounds. He carried a small lamb in his arms and bent over to let the feeble animal stand in the tall grass. I could hear the soft flutters of its heart. My throat tightened at the thought of its warm blood coursing through its veins. It wasn't until the lamb's brown eyes looked up at me in alarm that I realized I had stopped walking and was studying it, eyeing it like a man seeking to quench his thirst. The lamb cried out and backed away towards the monk who was now watching me curiously. When my gaze met his, his eyes widened. But he made no cross over his heart, nor did he mutter lines of scripture or curses of hell for me to hear. And surprisingly, his mind was devoid of any thought as well. I was tortured with absolute silence from this man as he picked up the small animal that nudged relentlessly against his legs. A low hiss issued from the back of my throat as I watched him walk back towards his sanctuary; carrying away the one thing I wanted most. It angered me, knowing that I craved the blood of an animal over the blood of a human – over the prey that I was _supposed_ to kill.

When the monk was finally out of site, I took off into the forest. The liquid cold venom watering my mouth was unbearable. _Stupid lamb._ It was then that Bella's silly analogy for herself flashed through my mind. A loud growl ripped through my throat at the thought.

So it was true. I was too dangerous for her.

But I couldn't stop now; I had to give the monster what it wanted. I had to feed before I found myself massacring the entire village. And while that thought was quite pleasing, it would disappoint Carlisle – and he was one person whose hate I did not want to feel.

I breezed past the woods, breathing in deeply, searching… My eyes flickered from left to right. I could make out the veins in the leaves that barely flew past my face. I could see each bead of water as the mist filtered around me, dampening my frozen skin.

The rustling of leaves to my left caught my attention and I raced towards the sound without ever faltering in my step. The head of a large stag rose from the ground. He didn't even have time to register my attack before I was on him, clawing my nails into his warm flesh. He bucked beneath me, trying to push me off, but I held him down forcefully. The heady smell of his blood raged through my senses. My lips curled back, baring the weapon that would kill my prey. And as I lowered myself to his neck, my mouth wide, ready to taste his blood; I saw her.

She stood in the same tattered jeans and faded shirt that she wore that day in the woods so long ago. Her chocolate locks blew past her face, feathering out into the wind.

I froze – unable to tear my gaze away from her.

Clear liquid trails of tears fell down her face as she stood before me. They slipped over her pale skin, running into the corners of her crimson lips. "You promised," she whispered. "You promised me, Edward."

I gasped suddenly, releasing the stag beneath my hands. I hardly noticed that he jumped to his feet and ran off into the woods. My eyes stayed focused on the one person who could make my heart beat as if it were alive. For minutes, it seemed, we stared at each other.

And then I blinked… and she was gone, vanishing before my eyes.

Even though I didn't need the oxygen, I was breathing heavily as I turned around sharply, frantically searching for her. I thought of calling out to her but what difference would it have made? She was a mirage – a tortuous reminder of my stupidity. I was meant to see her, to feel the undeniable remorse from her tears. If this was how I was to carry on the rest of my life, then so be it. The villagers who longed to see me in hell already had their wish. For this was hell, and I was doomed to forever be haunted by the young girl who should have never fallen in love with me.


	3. Going Through the Motions

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing except our little plot. Everything is else is property of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: Before you read the next chapter, I just want to make a quick note.

I put the word 'not' in this sentence some time after I'd originally posted the last chapter: "She stood in the same tattered jeans and faded shirt that she wore that day in the woods **not** so long ago."

I wanted to make sure you all were on the same page. This happened very shortly after Edward left her. So, we didn't want you all to think that like a month had gone by or something... lol. Ok, on with the story! :D

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Previously:

_I froze – unable to tear my gaze away from her._

_Clear liquid trails of tears fell down her face as she stood before me. They slipped over her pale skin, running into the corners of her crimson lips. "You promised," she whispered. "You promised me, Edward."_

_I gasped suddenly, releasing the stag beneath my hands. I hardly noticed that he jumped to his feet and ran off into the woods. My eyes stayed focused on the one person who could make my heart beat as if it were alive. For minutes, it seemed, we stared at each other._

_And then I blinked… and she was gone, vanishing before my eyes._

_Even though I didn't need the oxygen, I was breathing heavily as I turned around sharply, frantically searching for her. I thought of calling out to her but what difference would it have made? She was a mirage – a tortuous reminder of my stupidity. I was meant to see her, to feel the undeniable remorse from her tears. If this was how I was to carry on the rest of my life, then so be it. The villagers who longed to see me in hell already had their wish. For this was hell, and I was doomed to forever be haunted by the young girl who should have never fallen in love with me._

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**Chapter Three**

Bella's POV:

My screaming had awoken me once again from more painful dreams. Thankfully, Charlie had already left for work so I didn't have to explain anything or worry him once again. I felt bad enough as it was, waking him up in the middle of the night. The sound of my lullaby still echoed from my dreams, blending in with the unrelenting rain that pattered heavily against my window this morning. _His_ voice was still fresh in my memory, its melodic sound more beautiful than anything I've ever heard, even now as I knew I would never hear it again.

It took everything in me to finally get myself out of bed, but when I did, the chill I got from the cold floor against the soles of my bare feet initiated a wave of hysterical crying. It was impossible not to be reminded of his icy touch with every shiver I experienced; every goose bump that appeared on my flesh; every hair that stood on end along my arms. The thought of continuing my life as if he had never existed was unfathomable. I couldn't _remember_ how to live before he came into my life.

Shards of glass had slashed open my scalp... my leg had been violently crushed... a brutal vampire had dug its teeth deeply into the flesh of my hand, yet nothing compared to the pain I was feeling because _he_ was gone.

After a long shower, I stood in front of my closet with my bath towel wrapped around me, staring ahead, extremely pensive. I knew that the moment I would pick out my clothes and slipped them on, I would be that much closer to being ready to go to school. I would get dressed, go downstairs and have a small breakfast - if I could stomach it - get in my truck, and drive to school. And that was where _he_ wouldn't be waiting for me.

And that's exactly what happened as I pulled into a parking spot at the end of the school lot, furthest away from the building. I killed the engine and turned my head toward his usual spot. It was empty. The hopes that everything had just been a nightmare were proving to be untrue with every fact pointing to his definitive absence: The empty parking spot, the empty desks in his classes, and the void in my heart being the most painful among them.

At lunch, the Cullen's table in the cafeteria was also deserted. I could have pretended that they were all taking the day off if it was a sunny day, but the rain continued to fall, pounding the truth into the pavement: He left me.

My gaze remained on the Cullen's empty table as I took a seat across from Angela, placing my lunch tray down in front of me. My appetite had disappeared along with my hopes, but my tray was full in hope of avoiding any interrogations from my friends. My eyes finally averted when the pain became unbearable, then landed on Angela's concerned gaze. Evidently my face gave away more than I had wanted. I looked away quickly, trying to materialize a protective wall around myself using my imagination. It didn't work, so I stood up, leaving my tray on the table before she could ask what was wrong. Hand it to Angela to be extremely perceptive. There was no way I could ever explain. I could never say his name. I couldn't even _think_ his name.

"Bella?" I heard her soft voice call after me as I stood up but I pretended not to hear and quickly made my way down the nearest hallway. I shoved open the door to the ladies' room with a force that slammed it against the inside wall with a loud thud. My hands fell against the lip of the nearest sink, the cold porcelain sending another chilled sensation through my body. I leaned forward, waiting for the door to swing shut before my sobs escaped my lips. I wanted to call out his name but the mere thought of it felt like glass slicing up my heart. I cried like a child, unable to control my emotions. My entire body trembled with the realization that I would never see him again.

A toilet flushed and Lauren walked out of a stall, startling me. I had failed to check if I was alone and now I felt completely mortified that she had heard my pitiful sobbing. With the back of my hand, I quickly wiped away my tears and turned toward the wall, imagining what she must be thinking of me.

_'What's up with her? God, she looks so pathetic!'_

Her voice was so loud and clear in my head that it surprised me. My grief must have officially made me crazy. I heard her run her hands under the faucet and she pounded hard on the button of the air dryer with the heel of her palm, making me jump. I turned to look at her from the corner of my eye, not missing the contemptuous glare she sent me before she pulled open the door and left.

With a drawn out sigh - flinching at the dull ache in my lungs - I forced back the remaining tears that threatened to escape from behind my burning eyelids. My reflection in the mirror above the sink caught my attention. Dark circles underneath my eyelids were prominent, making me look absolutely horrendous.

I couldn't do this. I didn't want to spend the rest of my waking moments crying, gasping for air. It hurt too much. I wanted to feel nothing. I vowed then and there to be numb. I would just tune everything out. I would do only what was absolutely necessary of me, but that was it. I would continue to exist, but cease to live. It was the only way.

The remainder of the day dragged on slowly. I did my best to concentrate on my school work, tuning out anything else that attempted to ravage my thoughts. The only ounce of anything that could resemble happiness came once the final bell rang. I quickly gathered the books I needed for homework and made my way to my truck, avoiding my friends just like I had in all my classes. I'm sure they would start to wonder what has gotten into me.

I was more than halfway across the parking lot when I heard Mike Newton call out my name. Crap, I had almost made a clean getaway. I made a mental note to arrive earlier tomorrow morning so I could park closer to the building to facilitate my escape. With a sigh, I turned reluctantly to see Mike approaching me in a slow jog. He proceeded to walk beside me as I continued toward my truck.

"Hey, Bella. You left this in English," he said, holding my spiral notebook out toward me.

I took it and tucked it underneath my arm, keeping my gaze straight ahead at my truck. "Thanks, Mike," I said quietly, distracted with my mission to reach my vehicle and escape. My feet dragged on the damp pavement, not caring that the cuffs of my jeans were getting soaked in the puddles I failed to avoid.

_'Maybe we can hang out and study together or something.'_

"I'm really not up to it, Mike," I replied softly as I quickened my pace, not even bothering to think up a lame excuse.

We reached my truck and I turned to face him, seeing a strange expression mixed of confusion and embarrassment on his face. He pinched his eyebrows together into a peak at the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Give a guy a chance to ask before you turn him down," Mike mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.

It was my turn to wear the strange expression. "Didn't you?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, only if you read my mind," he replied with a short awkward laugh. He softened his features, placing an unconvincing casual smile on his face. "See you tomorrow, Bella," he said awkwardly.

_'Imagine that... I might as well dig my grave right now if Bella could actually hear my thoughts.'_

Mike's voice resounded loud and clear while his lips remained motionless. He had already turned to walk away, leaving my sudden bewildered expression to be left without an audience.

I _could_ hear his thoughts! It wasn't just my imagination. And earlier, that really _was_ Lauren's voice in my head... and Charlie's! This realization threw me. I placed a hand against my truck to steady myself as dizziness suddenly hit me. The following question in my train of thought made my lungs ache again: Had _his_ voice been real as well? Could he have been speaking to me, lulling me back to sleep last night, or was that only my desperate attempt at keeping a part of him with me?

I swallowed hard over the lump in my throat and determined the latter was more likely. He had broken his promise and left me. Why _would_ he be speaking to me? He didn't - _gulp_ - want me anymore. I automatically clutched at my sides again, keeping myself together. My plan of being numb wasn't working out so well.

"Thanks again... for my notebook..." I managed to muster after Mike once I regained my voice. Mike waved his arm without turning around.

My fingers trembled as I turned my key in the ignition. The loud rumbling of the engine startled me as if it was the first time I'd heard it. I stared ahead without seeing as the windshield wipers waved back and forth in front of my eyes in its failed attempt to clear me from my daze. Wiping away the rain on the windshield was its only successful accomplishment.

What was going on? Was I actually hearing voices? How could that be possible? Edward's - _ouch _- ... _his_ ability was suddenly my own. But why? _How?!_ The parking lot was completely empty before I realized how long I had been pondering my newfound discovery. With a clouded mind, I reversed out of my spot and slowly made the drive home, nervously anticipating who's voice I might hear next.


	4. My Personal Hell

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing except our little plot. Everything else is property of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: This update is extremely long but we figured you all wouldn't mind ;) We hope you enjoy this! Thanks so much for all of your comments! We can't believe all the traffic, reviews, etc. that we're getting for this! We really appreciate it :D

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**Chapter Four**

Bella's POV:

The rain splattered against the window angrily, setting a steadying rhythm for my mind to work too. I knew that I wasn't crazy. Mike may have thought I was, but he further proved my sanity in the parking lot only hours ago – much to my dismay. I would rather that I was crazy. None of this made sense and the last thing I had hoped for – rather that I longed for – was to really hear _his_ voice. And that wasn't possible. He left me.

My eyes flickered towards the clock on the wall – Charlie would be home in five minutes.

The smell of cooked meat wafted through the air. I shook the skillet around, stirring occasionally as I breathed in deeply. No matter what I did, I was reminded of _him_. I stared down in the pan, watching the grease and fat pop and spark with intensity. The noises repeated in my mind.

_Pop. Pop._

And suddenly, I was taken back to another time. Another life.

_Edward grimaced as I dropped the meat into the pan, breaking it apart with my spatula. "What?" I asked._

_"I can't believe you eat that," he stated, rather disgusted at the idea of human food. _

_I smirked and refrained from rolling my eyes. "Oh come on, you could stomach a bite of pizza for me before. I think you could eat this." My hand turned for the dial on the stove, instantly cranking up the heat as I smiled over at him, mesmerized by the beautiful scowl that crossed his porcelain features. "Besides, it's cow, Edward. You eat this too."_

_He glared at me then, sending the "don't start with me" look that I knew all too well. "Yes, but I eat the more raw, it's heart is still beating, version."_

_"Still the same in my book," I replied cheerily, knowing he would hate my optimism. He quirked his lips into a crooked grin, causing my heart to beat furiously beneath my chest. My eyes danced over his form as he walked over to me, his topaz eyes glinting mischievously from beneath the thick lashes. It was definitely too late to hide my blush now. "Why Isabella," he murmured, his lips hovering over my ear. I inhaled sharply as his cold hands slid over my waist, pulling me flush against his marble body. "You're quite flush at the moment." His voice was like velvet, gliding over my bare skin. It wasn't fair. No one should have a voice so sinful. He lightly kissed the flesh beneath my ear before breathing in deeply. "Hmm… maybe it's the heat from the stove?" I only barely managed a slight nod before I heard and felt a low chuckle rumble through his chest. He placed his chin over my shoulder and we stood there, watching the oil sizzle in the pan before us. I felt his arms tighten around me even more before he muttered something unintelligible. But somehow, the words, "I'll miss you, Bella," floated through my mind. _

_His face was cleverly blank when I turned to him, eyeing him seriously, the forgotten food burning to the side. "What did you say?" _

"Christ, Bella! Are you trying to burn the house down?" Charlie asked. He threw his gear to the side and rushed over to where I was standing in a small cloud of thick smoke.

I blinked rapidly, my mouth slightly agape as he turned the stove off and began frantically opening the windows in our small kitchen. "Crap! I'm so sorry, Dad," I pleaded, pushing the pan off to the side. How I managed to daze out so heavily, I didn't know. My eyes frantically shot in every direction – from Charlie, to the sizzling meat, and back to Charlie again. I finally let my gaze fall on our dinner, frowning slightly. The meat was burnt but hopefully a heafty portion of spaghetti sauce would fix that. It was then that the cindery smell hit my noise and I grimaced. _Or not. _

When Charlie finally turned back to me, I half expected him to shoot through the ceiling. His eyes showed a different emotion, however. One that I wasn't expecting.

Pity.

"Bells, what happened?"

I stared back at him, my mouth opening and closing, waiting for the words to spill forth. I was vaguely reminded of a goldfish. "Just lost track of time, I guess." _Way to go, Bella. That's a real winner._

Charlie stepped closer to me, his worn eyes tired, creased at the corners with lines of worry. He stood there staring at me, searching my own gaze intently. Since when did he act like this? But then it occurred to me. If I was going to prove to myself that I could read minds, now was a more perfect time than ever.

Not wanting to make myself seem even crazier than he already thought, I didn't directly meet his gaze, but I perked up my hearing, waiting for anything. I was half expecting him to start comparing me to Renee. Hell, even a thought about having to stomach the food I just ruined would have been nice.

But there was nothing. Only silence.

I looked up at him then, my eyes searching his face, trying to read anything that was going through his mind.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he asked suddenly.

It was then that I noticed that I had leaned in closely, staring hard at his forehead. "Um… sorry." I quickly improvised, brushing my finger lightly over his forehead as if I was wiping something away. "You had a little something... There you go..." I stammered, pulling back from him. I turned away quickly, rolling my eyes and inwardly smacking myself for being so stupid.

Sighing heavily, I grabbed a jar of spaghetti sauce from the cabinet and turned back towards the stove. Dinner may be in desperate need of help, but it wasn't ruined.

Yet.

"Bells, I'm serious," Charlie sighed. He reached out and stopped me from saving our meal. "You've been having nightmares almost every night. You were practically catatonic for the first couple of days after Sam found you in the forest" – I cringed – "And now I come in to find smoke filling the kitchen and you've hardly moved an inch."

I instantly felt so small under my father's gaze. Neither of us were ones for expressing our emotions, but I could feel the tears creeping up my throat. It was only a matter of time before they were shining in my eyes.

"I know Edward meant a lot to you…"

_Ouch. If only he knew how much that name hurt me._ Suddenly, the idea of food seemed repulsive at the moment. I could almost feel the acid churning in my stomach.

"… but you need to move on," he reasoned. I knew Charlie meant well, but his words were like a slap in the face. I felt like I was being held under water and there was no way that I was ever going to breach the surface.

The look in my eyes must have given my true feelings away. He shifted uncomfortably for a few seconds before brushing past me to open the freezer. "I think we've got a frozen pizza in here. Why don't you throw that stuff out and I'll put this in the oven?"

It was like there was a battery that had switched on somewhere inside my body. The main power was off, but I was still running. Numbly, I reached for the pan and went out the back door to dispose of the ruined meal.

"Oh and Bella? After dinner, do you mind running some things over to Billy for me?" Leave it to Charlie to always make things go back to normal as quickly as possible. I couldn't be more grateful for it. But as I stood in the doorway, staring out into the backyard, my gaze searched for a pair of golden eyes peering out from within the depths of the forest. I swallowed heavily, blinking back my tears. _What was I doing? Didn't I promise to be numb? To be completely void of any emotion towards him? _

My self-confidence on the situation was dwindling and I knew it was only a matter of time before I cracked completely.

-

-

The drive to La Push didn't take long. It was oddly comforting to get away – even if it was only a few miles down the road. The long, old wipers squealed across the windshield, wiping away the rain that still fell.

My truck rocked from side to side as I turned down the Black's drive. I reached for the keys and killed the deafening roar of the engine before pulling my hood up over my head to brave the Washington weather.

Lights from the front porch turned on just as I climbed out of the truck, carrying a tackle box and a fishing pole in my hands. I looked up, squinting through the heavy downpour. Someone had opened the front door and was jogging over to me. It looked like Jacob, but I couldn't be sure. He was too tall.

"Bella!" he called out, running through the mud. "What are you doing here? It's good to see you!"

It really _was _Jacob. He had changed so drastically it made me wonder if more time had passed than I thought since the last time I saw him. As depressed as I had been these last few days, it was nice to hear the carefree voice of my friend again. I saw the broad smile on his face as he took the fishing gear from my hands. His long onyx hair clung in damp strands down his shoulders and back. "You know, I knew you'd want to go out fishing one day but you picked a bad day to do it," he joked.

I rolled my eyes at him as we hurriedly made our way back to his house. "They're Billy's things. Charlie had borrowed some of his stuff earlier."

"Sure, sure."

We finally it made it up to the porch of their one-story home. I threw back my hood and began wiping off the fat droplets of water that clung to my coat. Jacob shook out his hair lightly after placing down the gear by the front door. It was then that I really took in his appearance. He was at least a foot or more taller than me. His chest was broad and more defined. The muscles of his stomach were clearly lined by his soaked shirt. If I was being honest with myself, Jacob seemed much older than me. This certainly couldn't be the 15 year old I had spoken with so much last year.

Just then, Billy pushed the door open and propped his wheelchair within the threshold. "Jacob, what are you doing? Invite her in already," Billy commanded, the slightest hint of a smile on his weathered face. He turned to me then. "How are you, Bella? It's good to see you again."

"Likewise," I grinned. "Charlie wanted me to run back some of your fishing gear." I motioned to the box and rod that now sat by the door.

Billy nodded once and waved me inside. "Come on in for a minute and let the rain die down before heading back out," he said, wheeling himself back into the house.

I turned back to Jacob who was now smiling down brilliantly at me. It was hard – looking at him now – to imagine the young teenager whose voice squeaked occasionally when he talked. But when he smiled, I could see him somewhere in those brown depths. I smiled back and walked into their home, hearing the screen door slam behind me as Jacob followed.

"So, Jake," I said, tilting my head towards him as we walked into the kitchen. "You've changed a lot since I last saw you. When did you get so tall?"

If his smile could get any bigger, it would have permanently stayed that way. His eyes twinkled happily and I was again reminded of the young boy who would blush at my sad attempts to flirt with him. "You jealous?" He straightened his back, standing even taller as he teased me.

I scoffed, pushing him lightly. "Hardly."

"Whatever you say, Bells." He walked past me to pull out a chair from the table and I sat down gratefully. "I guess I just took on a sudden growth spurt." _"That's what happens when you change into a werewolf."_

My eyes widened slightly. "I'm sorry?" _Werewolf? Did he seriously just say that? Maybe I am losing my mind…_

Jacob furrowed his brow, looking down at me curiously as he crossed his toned arms over his chest. "You know… boys going through puberty and all." _"I wish I could tell her the real reason…"_

Billy spoke up loudly, almost praising his son for his adolescent youth. "Jake here's been growing nonstop lately. I think it's Sue's cooking that's doing it. He's not used to eating the skimpy stuff that we make here," he teased.

But I was hardly listening. I was so trained on Jacob's thoughts, staring at his face intently, that I barely realized how rude I must have looked.

Jacob frowned slightly. "Bella, are you alright?"

"I… I'm fine," I stuttered, forcing myself to relax in my seat. Billy was now watching me curiously from across the table. I had to think fast in order to not draw more attention to my behavior. "So, how've you been, Billy? Charlie's been asking about when you'd be free to watch a game."

Billy's face lifted and he began to ramble on about meeting up with my dad. I nodded at all the appropriate times and smiled when it was necessary, but secretly, I was watching Jacob from the corner of my eye.

He was staring at me peculiarly, his jaw set. Tense. It was then that he tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, like someone was whispering in his ear and he was desperately trying to catch their words. I listened hard, waiting for his thoughts to enter my mind. But all was infuriatingly silent.

"I couldn't believe the Mariners had that kind of score," Billy had been saying.

"Sorry to interrupt."

Both he and I turned towards Jacob who had straightened up, seeming taller now more than ever. "I've got to run over to Sam's," he told his father. I watched skeptically as Billy nodded, his face back to being serious.

"It was good to see you, Bells."

I turned back to Jake and felt my heart lift at the boyish smile that broke over his features. "Try not to wreck the truck on your way back."

I grinned. "You'd fix it for me if I did, though," I teased as he retreated towards the front door. I could hear him chuckle loudly before calling out a goodbye to his father.

Somehow – and I wasn't entirely convinced on what was going on – but I knew there was more to the happenings at La Push. If what I heard through Jacob's mind was true, there was a lot more happening than I was ready to deal with.

-

-

That night, I sat at my computer reading Renee's emails. It had been three days since I last e-mailed her. And in that time, I had received five messages of "Bella, where are you?!" typed in bold, large letters. I typed out a short reassuring reply and sighed heavily as I pressed the 'send' button.

The rain still pattered softly overhead and I wondered whether or not I would wake to the house floating down the street the next morning.

As I watched the rain slant angrily through the sky, I thought back to the information that Jacob unknowingly told me. It would make sense, I suppose. Hadn't he told me of the Cullens' history with the werewolves on the beach almost a year ago?

I bent over and placed my fingers to my temples, trying to rub the confusion away, and sighed. Of course this would happen. A vampire leaves my life and a werewolf steps in.

Perfect. Maybe Edward – _damnit _– was right. Maybe I _was_ a danger magnet.

_"I was always right, love."_

My head snapped up. I could feel my skin prickle as my eyes danced around the room. Suddenly, there was no other sound but the rain slashing against my window. I froze, listening more intently for his voice. "Please…" I whispered.

A soft chuckle echoed around me in the darkness. His voice sent delicious chills down my spine and instantly I hated him for it. I stood up, abruptly scraping my chair to the side with the movement. "Stop this," I seethed.

_"Bella…"_ His voice sounded strained now.

"I said STOP IT!" I was practically on the verge of tears. How could he do this to me? By now I knew I could hear people's thoughts. Was he that close to me? Was this some sort of game to him?

My fists clenched on either side of my body and I felt myself trembling with rage.

"Bella?" Charlie asked through the door of my room. "Are you alright?"

My eyes fluttered close. I steadied myself, envisioning the air coming in and out of my mouth in slow movements. Finally, I answered him. "Yes, dad. I'm fine. Sorry… I was just… " Just what? What could I say to him? "Sorry." My voice was pitiful, weak. But Charlie simply sighed and wished me goodnight before walking back down the hallway.

I waited for his steps to quiet. My breathing was shaky. Shallow. I had to get control of myself. If _he_ really was doing this to me, I couldn't let him win. But what if he wasn't here? Would that make me happier? I frowned at the thought.

_"Bella?" _It was as if he was whispering softly into my ear. My skin was on fire, my nerves quivered, spreading an electrical shock down the length of my body. I stopped breathing. My heart hammered in my chest. And I waited…

_"Bella?"_ he repeated. God, please let me hear his voice again… _"I miss you."_

I felt the hot tears leak over my lids. My chin trembled as my body shook with quiet sobs. It was as if he was right beside me – as if he never left me alone in the woods days ago.

Suddenly, my mind sprang to life. I found myself stumbling forward towards my closet. He used to hide here and watch me in the darkness. Even when I couldn't sense him, he was there; a ghost watching over me as I slept. My hands gripped the knobs of the wooden doors and wrenched them open.

"Where are you?" I cried. The tears left hot trails to fall down my cheeks. I grabbed shirt after shirt, casting each article of clothing behind me. "Come out here and show yourself!"

I stumbled over my shoes, my hands blindly reached out for the wall to right myself. "Don't do this to me," I pleaded, reaching out into the empty void, hoping to find his body. I could imagine my fingers gripping his icy flesh. He would turn to me, his eyes golden, glistening brightly in the shadows. And I would finally be in his presence again. He didn't need the air, but I could almost feel his breath wash over my face as he drew me in. His lips would cover mine and my body would melt into his, my nails digging into his hard shoulders. My fingers would thread through his hair and for once he wouldn't jerk away. He would hold me against him, tasting my lips, breathing in my breath…

But there was nothing for me to grab onto. I couldn't feel the softness of his bronze hair, nor the stone edges of his chest. My lips ached to be touched by his freezing embrace and yet I couldn't taste him. I couldn't feel his body pressed against mine. His arms weren't tightly wrapped around my waist. There was nothing but air before me. My sobs grew louder as I desperately ripped apart the small contents of my closet. My hands were empty. My heart was hollow. And there was nothing… nothing that could compare to the feeling of having my soul torn from my body for a second time.

I felt the joints in my legs weaken. My knees buckled beneath me and I fell… crashing down into my own personal hell. His face flashed before my mind and I wrapped myself around that image, gripping onto it as if it was the very last time I would ever remember his liquid eyes, his pale skin, red, thin lips…

My palms hit the floor as I collapsed over the heap of my clothes. The end of a hanger dug into the skin of my thigh, but I hardly noticed the searing pain. It was with that force of being touched by something else, that my angel left me for good.

"Please…" I wept, grabbing fistfuls of cotton material. "Please speak to me again. Edward…" My voice cracked as I chocked on his name. "God…"

I felt myself fall forward, limply rolling onto my side. The tears pooled beneath me, dripping heavily off of my face. I had lost. I was defeated. There was nothing that would ever bring me back to him. His voice was only a figment of my imagination. Whatever allowed me to hear other thoughts was not connected to him in any way. I knew that now. The clarity of the situation was so real to me, so encompassing, that I watched with wide, unblinking eyes as darkness crept over my vision, pillowing from the corners. So this is what it was like to give up. This was what it was like to let go of yourself completely.

I vaguely registered Charlie's presence. He loomed over me, shaking my shoulders, screaming in my face. I felt a new wetness over my skin and realized it was his own tears.

And then there was nothing. No breath that escaped my lips. No sound that drifted to my ears. No prickling touch to my skin. I had stayed true to my word and now my body was numb from ever being harmed by _his_ presence again.


	5. Giving Up or Giving In

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing but our little plot and that's it. Everything else is property of Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: I know some of you are wondering what's happening to Bella. Well, that will be explained in the next chapter. For now, you have to deal Edward. (Which I don't think you all will mind so much). ;)

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**Chapter Five**

Edward's POV:

Dawn had barely broken. The clouds were a dark grey blanket that cloaked the sky, covering the town in shadows of darkness. A thick fog rolled across the small village, pillowing over the rooftops as it cast an ominous presence that was defined even before I had made mine. It could have been taken right out of a horror film. Perfect. I knew this was where I should be. This cold and uninviting place was beckoning me to stay for the purpose that it knew I wasn't welcome. It wanted me here so it could destroy me.

I stood at the edge of the forest scanning over the small village that I had passed through yesterday. Something was luring me back into the village, compelling me to stay. In the otherwise silent town I could hear a soft female voice, and she was singing. The slow but pleasant folk song clashed against the grey atmosphere and I wasn't sure why, but I was intrigued by it. She wasn't visible to me from the top of the hill so I made my way slowly back into the village, following her voice as if I was under a spell.

She continued to hum the rest of the tune as I paced hesitantly through the dry dirt roads, weaving in between the houses silently. That's when I saw her brushing dead leaves from the walkway of her home with a straw broom - homemade, from the looks of it. Her humming as well as the rhythmic sweeping noise of straw on stone abruptly stopped as she lifted her head when I stood less than ten feet in front of her.

I couldn't believe it...

She looked so much like my Bella, only her scent was completely wrong. She smiled at me timidly as she realized I was staring. For some reason she didn't know, or didn't care what I was. Her long brown hair fell down in front of her eyes, covering half her face as she turned shyly, wanting to look away from me, but failing. She was as curious about me as I was amazed by her resemblance to the love I stupidly left behind. First in the forest, and now this... These constant reminders of my mistake were turning me to ash and my intrigue with this young girl suddenly turned into resentment. Her smile slowly started to fade as my features hardened. I glared at her with stone cold eyes, hating that she looked like her... hating what I was.

_'Damned bloodsucker... Get the hell out of here!'_

The voice I heard in my head was not hers. It was male, and even though it spoke in Romanian, I understood the words perfectly. It had come from behind the front door which whipped open half a second later. My eyes never left hers as the young man stepped out onto the walkway. He wasn't much older than her, maybe two or three years at the most, and he couldn't have been more than twenty, himself.

He encircled his large hand around the girl's upper arm, roughly pulling her back toward the house. "Jeni, get inside. Now!" he commanded, the hostility thick in his tone.

A stunned cry escaped her lips and the broom fell out of her hands, toppling onto the uneven stone walkway with a faint cracking noise. "You're not my keeper, Stefan!" the girl replied defiantly to whom I learned was her brother. She ripped her arm away from him, but entered the house nonetheless, giving me one last cautious glance as she shut the door behind her.

Only then did my gaze land on the young man's who now stood in the place she had been. He was built like Emmett; tall, muscular and rigid. The ice in his stare was comparable to my own as he walked toward me aggressively, trying to intimidate me. He wanted to rip me apart and I smiled sarcastically, almost wishing he would try.

He stopped a couple feet short in front of me, irritated that I hadn't made any attempt to leave. Narrowing his eyes, he silently pulled on the small chain around his neck from underneath his dirty shirt collar, revealing a small bronze crucifix attached to the end of it. I choked on the laugh I struggled to hide.

"You will leave now if you know what is best for you, devil spawn," he spat, holding the pendant in front of himself as if I should be deterred by it.

I ignored his pathetic superstitious attempt to sway me, and remained unresponsive, only wearing the same sarcastic smile that was boiling his blood.

My eyes flickered toward the window where the tattered curtain had been pulled aside, and the girl wearing Bella's face was staring at me with a saddened expression.

_'You promised me, Edward...'_

My fists clenched at my sides as I felt my pain growing to hear Bella's words echoing once again through my mind.

Stefan was clearly aggravated that my gaze had landed on his sister again even without having to read his mind. He took a step closer so his face was inches from mine. "Hey! You hear me, bloodsucker? Get off my land before I drive that broomstick handle straight though your dead heart!"

This man had more insolence and irritation than fear for what I was and I had a sudden strong urge to show him just exactly how much he should fear me. I knew I had come here for a reason; the frightened glances punished me, reminding me of what I was, and this young fool was doing nothing more than feeding my own self hatred. Maybe the only way to punish myself for what I've done is to surrender to what I was.

Suddenly, the taste of human blood was what I craved. _His_ blood.

"I'd love to see you try," I uttered back defiantly, my blackened eyes piercing hatefully into his. My lips curled back over my teeth, baring the weapon I would kill him with as a low growl escaped from the back of my throat. I could almost taste his blood already.

I made up my mind to succumb to my true evil nature. He looked away just then, past my shoulder, which bothered me. I wanted him to look me in the eyes and see the black depths of hell that was going to claim him. I wanted to see the fear in his eyes as my teeth would sink deep into his throat, spraying his blood across his land. However, the fear that was absent before now made its presence in his expression, but instead of that pleasing me, I scowled, sensing the true reason for it...

_'Looks like we arrived just in time.'_

Alice.

I didn't have to turn to see what the man saw. I sensed them now even if I wouldn't have heard her voice in my mind. I wasn't alone anymore.

"What is this, an invasion?" Stefan uttered with the first hint of fear in his voice as he took a step backward. I glared at him until he was backed against his front door, still caught in the stare past my shoulder.

I finally turned reluctantly to find Alice and Jasper at the top of the grassy hill looking down at me.

_'I know he might seem like a nummy snack, Edward, but he's not. Come up here to us.'_

A snarl crossed my lips at her thoughts. Even from where I stood I could see the bemused twinkle to her amber eyes.

From behind me, I could hear Stefan hurriedly shut the door in his haste to get away from me. Pity. I was so hoping to show him my true self.

Sighing heavily, I turned from my spot to head up the hill towards my siblings, but not before catching the young girl's gaze from her window. She reminded me of Bella so much that it hurt to look at her face. I could almost feel my dead heart squeezing painfully as our eyes locked.

A loud growl echoed from inside the small home and she was quickly pulled away from the window; the curtain fluttering in her wake.

Casting my gaze downward, I began to make my way up the hill, concentrating on erasing the image of Bella's pleading face from my mind.

"For a moment, I thought you weren't going to listen to me," Alice said, crossing her arms across her petite form. Her gaze searched my own as she peered up at me. She was almost two feet shorter than me and still she knew how to make her presence known. It was highly irritating.

Alice suddenly nudged Jasper in the ribs with her elbow. "Don't eat the girl, Jazz."

Jasper widened his eyes in shock for a moment before a sly grin took over his features. He laid down the heavy Texan accent thick. "Yes, ma'am."

I rolled my eyes. Both he and Alice had tactfully kept their minds blank from me. And to add that with their perfect timing, along with Alice's stubbornness, I felt like I was about to combust. "What are you two doing here?"

Alice stared up at me intently, her face void of any emotion. Perfectly blank. "It's Bella."

My heart dropped beneath my stomach. I felt myself stumbling backwards as her words sunk in. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt the anger boiling deep within me. "I thought I told you not to _see_ her, Alice," I hissed, infuriated.

"Since when do I always listen to you, Edward?" she countered, her tone completely neutral. "Besides, I didn't try to see her. I had a vision of her."

I waited for her to continue, trying my best to push the monster down, but with little success. "And?"

"I saw her in the kitchen with Charlie. She was staring hard at him for several seconds, like she was searching his face for something. I think she's trying to read his mind."

Well, that was certainly different. I scowled at this, still frustrated with the fact that they were here and also inwardly begging Alice to tell me more. "So why does she think she can read Charlie's thoughts?" I asked, irritated.

"I don't know, Edward," Alice sighed. "But unless you let me try to see her future, I don't know when I'll get the next vision of her. By then it may be too late."

I looked up at her abruptly then. The smallest hint of panic hit my stomach. "What do you mean? Do you think it's that serious?"

"It's not normal for a human to have abilities like that unless they're completely crazy. And you and I both know that she isn't."

There was a slight twinge in Alice's expression as she silently referred to the asylum she died in as a human, even though she couldn't remember it herself. I cringed.

Was this really happening? Was I being tortured for some reason? The hallucinations of Bella, the girl in the village, now this… I wanted to die. I wanted the Earth to swallow me whole – anything to get away from the pain I had caused her. The hatred for myself in that moment was all encompassing. Moments ago I had the chance to prove to myself that I was a monster. At least then, that would add more to my reasons for not existing. My eyes flickered over to my pixie-like sister. _And then they came along…_

"Why did you feel that you had to come all this way just to tell me this?" I seethed through my clenched jaws.

"Well, I don't know about Alice, but I had to use my Airmiles that were about to expire," Jasper flashed his teeth in a wide grin.

I glared at him.

"The thing with Bella is not the only reason we came." Alice motioned to Stefan with a small nod of her head. "Mister Friendly over there is planning to rally the town folk tonight. A mob is going to try to run you out the village carrying torches and crosses and wearing garlic around their necks. It's going to be hilarious," she giggled before quickly returning to her serious expression, "but you don't want to be around for that."

"What can they do to me?" I scoffed rhetorically.

Alice narrowed her eyes and answered anyway. "Oh, nothing. But you'll end up killing three men if you stay, including that one... So come with us, Edward. It's not good for you to stay here." Alice held out her hand as an invitation for me to take it.

I stared down at the tiny, pale palm that faced towards me; white as snow. Her small fingers were slightly curled, almost waiting to wrap around my hand. I hesitated, unsure if I really should be doing this. But the thought of Bella in danger was enough to make me break my promise to her in the woods. I had told her to be safe, hadn't I? If she were in danger, I would go to her. I would save her life again and again for all of eternity if I had too.

Alice didn't waste time in my deliberation. She snatched my cold hand in hers quickly and together, the three of us hiked up the hill. I could vaguely hear the thoughts of Stefan as he stood in the doorway of his home; brandishing a large wooden stake. I turned around – not to challenge him or even look in his eyes, but to look back into the face of Jeni as she watched me from her window. A small smile lifted the corners of her full lips and I knew then. I knew that what I was doing was right. Even if this went against everything I had originally planned, I knew it was the right thing to do. Bella was my life, my heart. She was the oxygen that I didn't need, but craved. I loved her and I was a fool to have left her. Returning to her so soon was out of the question, but the minute that Alice foresaw any danger in Bella's path, I would be there by her side and pray that she would forgive me. Every minute of every day, every unnecessary breath that I took, every sound, every smell, reminded me of her. And each time I hoped that one day she would take me back. That she would forgive the monster in me and let me love her till the end of our days.

-

-

The flight was long and quiet. I had spent most of it dazing out the window, picturing Bella's beautiful face in the clouds. Only occasionally would I allow Alice's musical voice to float through my ears. Everything else was a blur.

By the time we arrived back home – or the place that we called home for the time being – thick waves of snow had blanketed the ground. We were high up in the mountains, set far away from any town. I dreaded this moment as we stepped up onto the wooden porch of the large cabin. Thoughts that I didn't want to hear slammed into my mind and suddenly there was a face to put with those thoughts.

"Edward, it's so good to see you again."

I smiled curtly, my gaze taking in the bright red, silky waves that framed the pointed face of the vampire before me. "Tanya. It's good to see you too."


	6. A Startling Realization

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: So yeah... we would like to say that we're sorry for the long awaited update! By your comments, you all seem to be really enjoying this :D Thank you so much! Hopefully, this update will address several of your questions regarding Tanya, Edward, and Bella.

First of all, it's been awhile since we've been back to Bella, so let's recap Chapter 4, shall we? First we find out that Bella is trying to control her mind reading ability in hopes to further understand it. Secondly, we also find out that Bella now knows Jacob Black's little secret ;) And finally, the chapter ended with Bella hearing Edward's voice in her room. Heres's a bit to refresh your memory:

_I felt myself fall forward, limply rolling onto my side. The tears pooled beneath me, dripping heavily off of my face. I had lost. I was defeated. There was nothing that would ever bring me back to him. His voice was only a figment of my imagination. Whatever allowed me to hear other thoughts was not connected to him in any way. I knew that now. The clarity of the situation was so real to me, so encompassing, that I watched with wide, unblinking eyes as darkness crept over my vision, pillowing from the corners. So this is what it was like to give up. This was what it was like to let go of yourself completely._

_I vaguely registered Charlie's presence. He loomed over me, shaking my shoulders, screaming in my face. I felt a new wetness over my skin and realized it was his own tears._

_And then there was nothing. No breath that escaped my lips. No sound that drifted to my ears. No prickling touch to my skin. I had stayed true to my word and now my body was numb from ever being harmed by his presence again._

Also, we revisit Edward in this chapter too. (I know, special treat for you all right?) haha Remember that he is now with the Denali clan. (Boo Tanya). ;P

Hope that refreshes everyone's memory. So, please enjoy and continue to review!

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**Chapter Six**

Bella's POV:

"Charlie, seriously, I'm fine... You don't have to take me to the hospital..." My monotone voice was weak and unconvincing from the back of the cruiser. Charlie had laid me down on the back seat before I had managed to regain some of my own motor functions and now I felt like a criminal without a say in the matter.

"Enough is enough, Bells. I'm worried about you," Charlie replied in a shaky voice as he sped down the road toward the hospital.

I had to look away from the trees whizzing by in a blur. Everything reminded me of _him_. I didn't say another word of protest, feeling my ability to speak failing again.

When we arrived at the hospital, Charlie parked the cruiser and opened the back door. He then reached in and took me gently by the wrist. "Come on, Bella. Easy now..." He spoke softly and held me with one hand under my elbow and the other wrapped around my back, walking with me to make sure my legs didn't buckle underneath myself. I saw him eye one of the wheelchairs by the entrance.

_Maybe I should put her in one of those... _

"I can walk just fine," I managed to utter insistently enough. There was no way I was going to be wheeled around in one of those chairs, drawing even more attention to myself than I was just by walking in looking like a complete pathetic wreck.

I realized that it was Charlie's thoughts that I had heard but he didn't seem to think anything of what I had said. He just sighed and held onto me a little bit tighter, guiding me toward admittance. We passed the room where I was taken when Tyler Crowley's van nearly pancaked me... nearly... and I forced myself not to remember why it hadn't.

_I guess it's a good thing Dr. Cullen isn't here anymore. I'm sure that would make her feel even worse._

I bit my lip. Ouch. Thanks for the reminder, Charlie. But it wasn't his fault. He didn't even _say_ the words. I pressed the pads of my fingers to my forehead, trying to shut off this annoying mind-reading ability I had. Apparently it decided to hang around even after my decision to shut myself down. When were the voices in my head going to stop? If only I could control it somehow...

_Poor kid... My poor little Bella..._

I looked up into Charlie's face pleadingly, desperately wanting to leave; wanting to go back to the comfort of my... well, I guess there wasn't much to comfort me, but this place reminded me of _him_... just as much as anywhere else, as I came to realize.

With a defeated sigh, I clutched at my sides and sat obediently as Dr. Snow checked me over, moving his finger back in forth in front of my eye as I followed it reluctantly. I cringed as he shone the little metal flashlight in my face. That was actually more irritating than anything, but at least that emotion was an upgrade to what I'd been experiencing recently. Charlie watched from the doorway, pacing in and out of it nervously, stuffing his hands into his pockets, adjusting his belt... I started to feel really bad for him. I never wanted him to worry about me this way.

My eyes lazily darted between Charlie and Dr. Snow. "I'm fine..." I tried to insist once again, but like before, my weak voice contradicted my words.

The paper crinkled underneath me as I shifted nervously on the table, waiting for all this to be over with. I concentrated on trying to breathe evenly, counting the breaths until Dr. Snow finished examining me. I got to forty-seven when he finally turned toward Charlie who was still pacing by the doorway. He quietly mumbled something to him which I couldn't really focus on. I picked out the words 'traumatic stress' somewhere among his low murmurs. My focus remained blank, unseeing across the room.

Suddenly Dr. Snow's voice rose a couple of volumes. "It would be best if she spent the night, just so we can keep an eye on her," he suggested to Charlie, turning slightly toward me, looking at me as if I was a bomb about to explode.

I groaned, becoming slightly more alert. "No! Charlie, I don't want to stay here," I whined, feeling embarrassed at the childish tone my voice took.

Charlie came closer and cupped his palm around my cheek. "Just one night, Bells." The helpless look in his eyes made me give in. I nodded slowly, then lowered my gaze to the floor. What could one night hurt?

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_The bright white moonlight was shining through the window of my small hospital room, casting ominous shadows along the wall. I could feel his presence in the hallway and I sat myself upright, staring at the doorway in anticipation of his arrival. _

_He walked in seconds later, making his way toward me slowly. His eyes were jet black._

_My expression remained emotionless. "How did you find me?"_

_He cocked his head and delivered a crooked smile as an answer. His silent footsteps found their way to the edge of my bed and he sat down beside me, taking my hand in his. "What are you doing here, Bella?" he asked, his smile melting away slowly. "Are you in pain?" he added softly. His black orbs held my gaze._

_I nodded and clutched my ribs. "Ever since the day you left me."_

_Remorse painted his perfect features. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he murmured, lifting his hand from mine and placing his palm against my cheek. He leaned forward to kiss my lips, gently at first, then proceeded hungrily and he leaned against me, making me lay back onto my pillow. He followed on top of me, placing his other hand at the hem of my shirt. "Let me see," he whispered into my ear, his breath cool against my skin._

_I shivered as his icy touch grazed the flat of my stomach, and let out a shallow breath as he lowered himself to allow his lips to join his hand. My muscles tensed underneath his fingertips as they lifted my sweater up past my ribs. I couldn't remember how to breathe. "Isn't this normally the part where you pull away?" I asked in an impossibly quiet whisper that only he could have heard._

_His black eyes lifted to meet my gaze and he gave me a snide grin. "Is that what you want?"_

_Now if _that_ wasn't the stupidest question I've ever heard..._

_I answered by taking his shirt at his shoulders tightly in both my fists, pulling his mouth eagerly back to mine. It didn't surprise me that I had the strength to do so. I was well aware that this was all just a dream. He was gone for good... It was a fact, but I wasn't about to let the only way I could have him escape from me._

_My lips clung desperately onto his and I parted them slightly to let my tongue run across his perfectly smooth marble lips._

_"I should never have left you," he admitted as he scrunched his fingers through my hair, holding my head securely against him. His melodic voice was as soft as his kiss._

_My breaths quickened and I slung my arms around his neck as I tried to absorb as much of him as I could. "Then come back to me," I replied, breathless. I couldn't get enough of his touch, even if it wasn't real. Amazingly enough it still_ felt _real. Every cell in my body was buzzing. "Please, Edward... Please," I sighed, bringing my hands to the sides of his stone face._

_He sighed, but it wasn't in the way I was used to; the way he sighed when he was just about to pull away and tell me I was getting carried away. No. This sigh was different... eager. He shifted his body so his legs were no longer hanging off the edge of the bed. It happened in a flash. I couldn't register what was happening quickly enough but suddenly my bed sheets were tossed to the floor and his body was directly over mine. "Edward," I whispered softly as his right hand hooked underneath my left knee, pulling it upward against his hip._

_As he pressed his body against mine, he tickled my neck with his cool breath then swept his lips slowly upward along my jawline. I combed my fingers back into his bronze hair and squirmed my body underneath his with a light gasp. My head spun as these new sensations overwhelmed my mind. I tilted my head to the ceiling with a drawn-out sigh that whispered his name. His icy cool lips washed down the length of my arm. I felt his tongue jut out, pressing firmly against the inside of my forearm. He reached the crook of my elbow and lingered there for a while. I shivered and bit my lip. A low growl resounded in the back of his throat as he savored my flesh. I trembled as his lips continued their journey down my arm and settled against the inside of my wrist. My head tilted back down to him with a soft moan as I felt him seductively caressing my palm, and I opened my eyes._

_I choked on my gasp as a pair of crimson eyes bore into my startled glare with a sardonic smile. Edward was gone, and in his place was my hunter. Silence claimed my lips for the brief moment until James clamped down and viciously sunk his teeth into the flesh of my hand. An excruciating scream ripped from my mouth that tore me from my sleep and transcended into my waking moments._

A nurse came rushing into my room as I kept screaming in repeatedly in terror. Tears started to flow down my cheeks and I grasped my right hand in my left, feeling the lingering pain of the sharp daggers ripping at my flesh.

_'Why didn't they just admit her to the psych ward?'_

"SHUT UP!!" I shouted more at my irritating ability than at the nurse. She startled despite my already thunderous screaming that was filling the small room and well into the hallway.

Gone again... I didn't know how many more times I could endure having _him_ torn away from me.

-

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Edward's POV:

I had tried to block out Tanya's thoughts ever since I placed a foot on the front porch of her home. The devious look that glinted in her bright eyes, made me want to smash her head through a wall. I couldn't have been more thankful for Esme and Carlisle when they welcomed me back with open arms, blocking me from her fixated stare.

"So, Edward, I hear you went on a small getaway," Eleazar commented. "Where did you go?" We were now all sitting in the large, darkened living room. A fire roared to life across the way and my eyes flickered every so often to watch the dancing flames. I pictured myself burning in the blaze and a small, knowing smile spread across my face. "Romania," I said, not bothering to add more to the specifics of my trip.

"Romania," he appraised, his voice laced with interest. He wanted to ask me more, but didn't push the subject when my cold gaze met his. The thoughts that ran through his mind were different from Carlisle's.

I grimaced at my father's disappointment for allowing me to go there.

_Edward…_

My skin tingled with hatred at the voice. My gaze lifted to the redheaded vampire who sat across from me.

She smiled seductively, her teeth flashing briefly before me. _I missed you_, she purred. My jaws clenched as thoughts of her latching her mouth to my throat filled my mind. The air was suddenly tense, sparking with energy that I loathed to feel. The anger boiled deep within my core. I wanted nothing more than to rip her pretty little head off and see the red strands of her hair burning in the fire. Another vision flashed through my mind, one in which she rode my waist passionately.

I couldn't stop the growl that tore through my throat as I stood up. My family stared at me in alarm. I didn't miss the deadly glare that Alice shot towards Tanya.

"Excuse me," I said curtly as I clenched my trembling hands to my sides. "I think I'll go up to my room now, if that's alright with everyone."

Carlisle looked up at me in concern but merely nodded once.

"Of course, Edward," Carmen said, sweetly. She was hardly aware of the exchange between her daughter and myself.

Without another glance, I flew up the long winding staircase. My room was directly across from Tanya's. I shivered as another revolting image flashed through my mind and didn't hesitate on slamming my door shut behind me.

My hands flew to my hair. I felt like ripping each strand out. I wanted to dig my nails into my skull, if just to tear apart my brain. The insanity of the situation was wearing on me, fraying my nerves until there was nothing left but tiny sparks shooting beneath my skin.

_Edward… _

I froze. This wasn't Tanya's voice. It wasn't a voice from any one of the vampires who sat a floor below me. It wasn't someone in the town down the mountain. No.

Slowly, I lifted my head. Her warm chocolate gaze looked through me. The soft tendrils of her hair fell over her pale shoulders in silky waves. She wasn't there but yet she was. I knew this was a figment of my imagination, here to taunt me for the things I had done.

Her skin glowed luminously as she slowly walked towards me. Each sound that her bare feet made against the floor, echoed around me. I barely registered that I had stopped breathing. And when she stood a mere few inches from my face, allowing her warm breath to wash over my skin, I felt as if I would shatter into tiny pieces around her. My knees trembled and I felt myself choke on her name as it left my lips. "B-Bella…"

_Shh..._ she whispered. Her hand rose up as if to cup my face but I never felt the touch of her skin. She simply hovered over me. The feeling of being so close and yet not having her made me want to collapse to the floor and beg for her to take me back. I wanted to feel the sensation of human tears rolling down my cheeks. I wanted to feel their warmth – anything to allow me to release the turmoil and pain. I wanted her to kiss them away and tell me that she forgave me. That she understood. And it was then that I knew it would never happen. Not only was she not really here with me, but I would never be able to share such a powerful experience with her. Ever.

A low strangled sob escaped my lips as she leaned in close; her soft mouth whispering into my ear. _Come back to me, Edward. I need you._

And then she was gone.

I was left to stand there, gaping at the empty space before me. My eyes were wide, my heart was hollow, and there was nothing… nothing that I could do to bring her back.

My knees buckled beneath me and I felt myself falling to the floor. I savored it, cherished the feeling of crashing down. For how long I stayed there, staring mindlessly across the room, I didn't know. There was no sense of time where I was.

"Edward."

I knew the voice and yet it sounded so far away.

A small, white hand was suddenly shoved in front of my eyes. I glanced up towards the pixie-like face of my sister. "Edward, get up."

She waited for me, not bothered by the fact that I didn't reach for her hand as I pushed myself up. "Alice, don't – " I started to say.

"Edward, stop this," she whispered lowly, crossing her arms over her chest. "You've put us through hell with your behavior."

It was my turn to snap my gaze back to her. I could feel the anger boiling again. "My behavior?"

"Yes," she stated, her amber eyes growing darker by the second. "You forbid any of us to even talk to Bella after we left. You've just herded us around like damn cattle. I'm sick of it!"

I advanced dangerously towards her, my nostrils flaring. She didn't back down and I wouldn't have either if a hand hadn't have stopped me. Instantly, a wave of calm washed over my body. I glanced into the eyes of my brother and stepped back. The battle wasn't over though. I could feel my rage fighting against Jasper's power.

"Fine. Maybe I should just leave again. I'll be out of your way."

"What's going on in here?" Emmett boomed, walking through the doorway. "Why are you two fighting?"

Neither one of us answered him. Alice and I continued to stare each other down while Jasper stood carefully placed between us.

"Guys?" Emmett asked again. "Jazz, what's happening?"

"Edward," he answered. "Edward is what's happening."

My entire body trembled with anger and it was obvious that Jasper was starting to back off. Didn't they care about the pain I was going through? Emmett seemed to be the only one aloof to the whole situation.

_So, it's Bella again, huh?_

Or not.

I turned my head towards him, never taking my eyes off of Alice, and nodded.

"Aw, man. Edward, you need to either get over it or go back to her!" Emmett complained. "Seriously. It's not fair for any of us to be in this situation but it's certainly not fair for Bella. The way you left her…"

I cut him off with one simple gaze. He smirked and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "What's wrong, baby brother? Can't take sht when it's delivered to you?"

I lunged myself for him but being the stronger one, Emmett pinned to me the wall. A picture frame crashed to the ground, the glass shattering around us. No one bothered to stop it.

"Listen to me!" Alice shrieked. By this time both Carlisle and Emse were standing in the doorway. I only barely registered Carlisle talking the both of us down.

"Edward, I didn't come up here to start a fight, but if that's what it takes to get through to you, so be it. You took me away from my best friend. I couldn't even say goodbye to her! All of us loved Bella."

From down below we heard Rosalie scoff but no one paid any attention to it.

"You only recently "allowed" me to see her future." Alice took a step towards me, locking her gaze onto my own as her small frame stood between Emmett and myself. "And it's because of your damned stupidity that I can't see her anymore."

Everyone stared at her in shock. Esme let out a small gasp. "What do you mean, Alice?"

I felt my body instantly sag against the wall. Was the Bella that I saw earlier real? Was she a ghost? Was something truly wrong with her? I didn't want to believe it when Alice told me of Bella's new power, but now I didn't know what to think.

"Alice, what did you see?" Carlisle questioned, placing his hands on his hips in a very diplomatic way.

Alice kept her gaze on me as she spoke. "I saw her driving down the road in her truck. It was raining pretty hard, hard enough for Bella to do something stupid like overcorrect the wheel and flip the damn thing." She paused to sigh heavily and I could see everything in her mind. I could see my Bella driving furiously down the road. Her face was wet with tears… "She was crying. I don't know why, but she was. And then she was gone. I couldn't see anything past that. I have no clue what happened to her. And no matter how hard I try, I can't see her!" She sounded on the verge of hysteria with that last thought.

My heart shattered. I couldn't stand to see Bella so lost. I never wanted to see the light leave her beautiful eyes, but it had. The very day that I left her in the woods, it no longer existed. Alice's visions were serious. I knew that now. And Bella had been haunting me for a reason. In the matter of a few seconds, I had made up my mind. Standing up to look into the eyes of my family, I made my voice quite clear. Alice's gaze instantly widened.

"I'm going back to Forks."

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**A/N Part 2**: Like that little bit of mild smut we threw in? That's only a taste of what is to come... muahaha... lol.


	7. In Confidence

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: First of all, thank you for your comments! We really appreciate them and we're glad you all are still sticking with this story :) We promise Edward will be making his appearance very soon ;)

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**Chapter Seven**

Bella's POV:

Dirt and pebbles shuffled underneath my sneakers as I dragged them slowly along the street in front of Charlie's house. I knew he was watching me from the window as I paced back and forth but I didn't lift my head to acknowledge it. I'm sure he would have hidden behind the curtain to pretend he wasn't watching me anyway, had I done so. Charlie wasn't fooling me. It was Saturday and he was staying home instead of going on his usual fishing trip clearly for the purpose of watching over me.

Three days had passed since I returned from the hospital. Exhaustion had possessed my body since I've been fighting sleep as much as I possibly could. Seeing _him_ in my dreams was just as much of a torment as it was a pleasure, so the less I could dream, the less I would hurt. If that wasn't enough, every dream had included James attacking me. He constantly lurked around the corners of my mind, always prepared to attack, and I had come to anticipate the searing pain in my hand each time I would wake. _His _voice would shadow my screams sometimes, calming me, telling me I had nothing to fear. I would even feel his cool lips clamp over my hand, kissing away the sting as I simultaneously hear him whisper his love in my mind:

_I'll always make sure you are safe. I will never let anything hurt you. I love you. Forever._

I fought back my tears as I remembered the dream, wishing what he claimed were true. I continued to pace slowly in front of the house, unable to stand being cooped up inside anymore under Charlie's unrelenting supervision. That, and hearing his constant worried thoughts was making me crazier than I already felt.

The sky was a flawless white blanket and the breeze was cool but gentle. My fingers curled into my palms inside the pockets of my jacket. I kicked a stone, watching it bounce across to the opposite side of the road and roll into the shallow ditch. A dry crackling sound followed as it came to rest on a bed of dry leaves. I stopped pacing and stared unseeing in the direction the stone had disappeared. A short moment later, I blinked once and raised my eyes to the line of trees at the edge of the road. The birds had stopped singing and I held my breath as a strange feeling washed over me.

"Hey, Bells," I suddenly heard Jacob's voice behind me come from out of nowhere. Distracted from my daze, I spun around to see him walking toward me wearing nothing but a pair of long black shorts. His chest was bare and I couldn't help but stare as I noticed how broad and sculpted it was. My eyebrows pinched together as I tried to make sense of how drastically he had changed since I saw him last year at First Beach. As he neared me, I noticed that he looked even taller than the last time I saw him at Billy's. He must be well over six feet tall.

"Hi, Jake," I said, looking at him curiously. "Did summer come around again and someone forget to tell me?" I added, forcing some levity.

"Um, I was just on a little run," he replied, looking a bit shifty.

I frowned quizzically. "All the way from La Push?"

He laughed and just shrugged his broad shoulders, giving me an impish grin. _'It doesn't take long when you're running on four legs.'_

Right. The werewolf thing. That was definitely something I couldn't pretend I didn't discover. I tried to think of a way to bring it up. Maybe I should just let Jacob in on my own little secret while I'm at it and get everything out in the open. Well, _almost_ everything.

Despite the constant heaviness in my heart, I forced myself to return a smile. The sound of the screen door shutting noisily against its frame made us both turn toward the house. Charlie was walking down the front steps and was approaching us with an eager smile stretching across his face. I frowned.

"Hello, Jacob," Charlie flashed a smile of relief as he reached us where we stood at the end of the driveway. I didn't have to hear his thoughts to know he was intending to pass the babysitting duty over to Jake, although I couldn't ignore what he was practically shouting in his mind:

_'She'll be safe with Jake. He's better for her than that creep who broke her heart.'_

I cringed and wrapped my arms around myself automatically, looking at the ground as Charlie placed a friendly pat against Jacob's shoulder. They shared a few casual words while I shifted uncomfortably within my jacket. This was exactly why I had to get away from Charlie. His thoughts were breaking my already shattered heart into another million pieces with every mention of _him_.

"Why don't you come inside for a bit? Kick your feet up after that work-out of yours," Charlie said, making his own conclusions about Jacob's appearance.

I cleared my throat and they both looked at me. "Uh, Jake and I were just gonna go for a walk," I said, and started to step away toward the path to the forest. Jacob looked at me with a wide grin, apparently pleased with the suggestion and started to follow me without any question.

"Oh, alright," Charlie replied without protesting. "Don't get stuck too far out before it starts raining," he added, starting back down the driveway.

"Okay, Charlie," I said, glancing briefly into the forest where my attention had been trapped earlier. Jacob gave him a small wave then casually put his arm around my shoulders. His skin radiated heat around my neck which was surprisingly comforting... until I remembered he was topless and I inched away slightly.

Jacob snickered then put his arm back to his side. I smiled sheepishly at him as I tried to concentrate on hearing what thoughts were hidden behind his laughter, but I heard nothing. It seemed I had no control whatsoever in which thoughts would allow themselves to be heard, and that frustrated me. I stared ahead as we walked past the opening of the forest with a sigh, abandoning my attempt.

An endless green canopy replaced the white ceiling over us and we were both silent for a while. The only noise was the shuffle of my feet on the path. If I didn't see Jacob beside me I could have sworn that I was walking alone.

After a deep breath and only the slightest hesitation, I determined that Jake, out of all people, would be the least likely to commit me. He was a mythical creature after all. I screwed up my eyebrows at the thought. I _must_ be crazy. _Here goes nothing..._

"I know about the werewolf thing," I blurted out, stopping dead on the trail.

He was a step ahead of me and turned back, staring down at my face with a stunned expression. Words failed him for a few seconds and he looked as though he might deny my claim at first, then clearly changed his mind. "How did you find out?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

I looked around the immediate area incase there were other people around. When I was certain it was just the two of us, I took the last step to close the space between us and continued in a low voice. "I'm about to tell you something that sounds completely crazy."

"You just found out that I'm a werewolf, Bells. How much crazier could things get?" he snickered, oddly nonchalant about my newfound discovery about him.

I laughed once. "You'd be surprised," I replied.

Jacob seemed unconvinced, like his secret had been the best secret in the world and nothing could ever top it. He wore the most arrogant expression, childish and almost taunting, but challenging at the same time. It was highly irritating but suddenly I felt eager to top it, rather than be worried about what he would think.

"I heard it in your mind," I said, almost smug. Jacob's expression was unchanging as if I'd made a sarcastic remark. He waited for my 'real answer'. My eyebrows raised to indicate that I wasn't joking.

He laughed. "What, like your bloodsucker --" He bit his lip as I flinched. "Sorry..."

I ignored his comment and pushed on. "You ran here on four legs, right? I heard you think it just before," I said, proving my claim.

He laughed again, nodding. "You're right. That _is_ crazy," he admitted. He even looked impressed. "So, how? Why?"

I shrugged. "I wish I knew," I replied with a sigh. I shivered again in my jacket and dug my hands deeper inside my pockets, looking at Jacob and wondering how he could tolerate the chill in the air.

"You and I should join forces. We'd make a wicked superhero team," he said, flashing another grin.

I laughed genuinely for the first time in a while. It felt strange, but it was also a relief. Jacob's gaze held mine for a few beats, his dark eyes boring intently into mine. I shyly looked away.

_'God, Bella, I can't stop thinking about pressing you up against that tree over there and tasting your soft wet --'_

"Jake!" I chastised, cutting him off mid-thought. What a lovely time for _that_ to kick in. My cheeks flushed at what I heard and Jacob turned to me with raised eyebrows.

"Just checking," he winked.

A sudden growl trembled through the forest just then, cutting through the air with hostility, making me turn at the sound. Jacob clenched his fists and I noticed he began to tremble as he scanned the immediate surroundings. I looked around nervously at the sound that was more than familiar.

_'If only you knew I was right above you, my love...'_

I gasped as the words sung through my mind in the voice I had desperately missed. Was he...? Could he really be...? Slowly, I inched my gaze upward in search of _him_ but found nothing other than my dashed hopes. I wondered how many pieces of my heart were left to shatter before there would be nothing left. Perhaps then I could truly feel no pain.

Jacob turned back to me, releasing his clenched fists. I heard his knuckles crack loudly. He gazed at me again, this time looking worried as my breaking heart was most likely written all over my face. "You alright, Bells?" he asked me with genuine concern. "Billy told me you were at the hospital a few days ago," he added carefully.

The numbness that I was using to cloak myself faltered again but I wouldn't let it show. I turned to him, looking up higher than I remembered I had to to meet his gaze. "It was nothing. Charlie tends to overreact," I brushed off.

"Is it because Edward --?"

"Jake... I really can't talk about it. I'm sorry," I interrupted and started to continue walking through the forest. He followed silently. "It hurts too much. I can't..."

"Okay."

After several more steps I stopped again, turning back to him with a curious glance. "So... Tell me about being a werewolf."

And I thought kids at Christmas had bright smiles.

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**A/N**: Ok, did you catch how Jake tensed there? Yeah... Mr. Cullen just may be lurking around. Like we said, Edward will make his appearance soon. Next chapter is all about him ;)


	8. What A Sick, Masochistic Lion

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: I know, I know... Chapter 8 already!? LOL Think of it as a little gift from us to you ;) Now, there is some mild smut in this and a random flashback to just add to the mild smut. What can we say? We like the smut... haha. More on Edward's feelings, etc. will be dealt with in the next chapter. So, don't get all confused if you've got questions about this - it will all be explained later ;)

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**Chapter 8**

Edward's POV:

She paced back and forth, her hands clasped behind her, the soft tendrils of her hair blowing in the breeze. A troubled look distorted her beautiful face as she thought. _Why, my Bella… Why can I not hear you?_ I stood beneath the canopy of green, watching her closely, memorizing each sound of her breath, each blink of her eyes.

For days, I watched her from a distance. I took residence in our old home but only sparingly. If there was any chance that Bella came back there, I couldn't risk her finding me. Not that she would, but she wasn't stupid either. We knew each other like the back of our hands. She could tell if there was a disturbance in the air just as much as I.

I watched her with great intensity as she kicked a rock towards the looming forest of green. It bounced along the way, skipping lightly across the road until it landed only a few feet away from me. I moved, only a fraction of an inch, to catch a better glimpse of her face, but it was enough to crinkle the leaves below me. A deadly silence washed over the woods. The birds quieted, squirrels scampered away, even the ants on the tree that hid my form, scurried towards the nearest hole. It was as if my presence was finally being recognized. I stilled every part of my body and when I focused my attention back to my love, she was standing in her driveway; her eyes staring right through me.

I held my breath.

She looked just as she did that day in the Romanian forest. I could have sighed at the beauty of it, if not for the fear of being heard. Only she would know the sounds that I made. Only she would know that I was watching her.

My amber eyes held onto her brown orbs, drinking them in. She began to near towards me and my undead heart fluttered without warning. _Bella… God, love, I've missed you. _

"Hey Bells."

Our trance was broken, the connection tethered. She turned from me to look towards a half naked man who was now walking towards her. My fists clenched at my sides. It was then that I recognized him to be Jacob Black. I was too momentarily astonished by the changes in his appearance that I almost forgot that he was talking to my Bella. He then laughed, his shoulders shaking, and that slight movement, that small insignificant gesture, sent the foulest stench through the air. My nostrils flared, my eyes blackened and there was only one thought that entered my mind.

_Wolf._

A low growl left my lips just as Charlie walked out the front door. _She'll be safe with Jake. He's better for her than that creep who broke her heart._

I blinked. If there were any color to my skin, it would have drained away in that moment. Images of Bella in the hospital flickered through my mind and my hand flashed out to grip the tree before me to keep my knees from buckling. The bark creaked beneath my grasp.

And that's when I saw it. That's when I saw Bella flinch. It was slight, so slight that no one would have noticed it. Unless it was someone who had studied her every feature since the moment they met her. Someone like me.

I was told it was true. I believed Alice. But never had I actually seen Bella react to someone's thoughts yet. Especially not when I too heard their mind. It was like a cold slap in the face. I spent my waking days with her, trying to convince her to not be like me. She wasn't as pale, her eyes still held their chocolate color, her scent was still the very devouring floral smell, her pulse still rang rhythmically in my ears, but she was like me. Somehow, she had taken a part of me without me ever knowing it.

Knitting my brow tightly, I was too far-gone into watching her movements, that I barley noticed that both she and Jacob were moving directly towards me. Obviously, Jacob was too occupied with Bella to notice my scent. Either that or he was new.

I squinted my eyes dangerously.

Very new.

Without another thought, I raced soundlessly towards a deeper area of the woods; my presence by the outskirts only a whisper in the wind. My fingers lightly gripped onto the trunk of a Birch as I stealthily climbed to the top. From here I could still see them without being noticed.

They talked conversationally and I could tell that Bella was still troubled as they moved closer. But that wasn't what my eyes were suddenly focused on.

Jacob's arm was draped over her shoulders. I tensed and snapped a limb in my grasp, quickly grabbing it before it hit the ground. My eyes followed Bella's shoulders as they shrugged to get out of his grasp. She smiled sheepishly at him before continuing to walk.

I was practically shaking with rage. Who did this _dog_ think that he was that he could just touch _my_ Bella like that?

Taking a steadying breath, I allowed myself to listen carefully to their conversation. It seemed that, for the sake of knowing Jacob's secret, Bella was letting him in on hers. She trusted him, even after she learned of his true self. My stomach twisted into agonizing knots.

"I heard it in your mind," she had told him.

His bark of a laugh sent my nerves on fire. "What, like your bloodsucker—"

That was it. My eyes grew impossibly wide as I felt the bark shred beneath my fingers. Something in the way he said it, the way he stood next to her, his posture, everything about him screamed that he wanted Bella as his. _Mine_, I said to myself, my eyes growing thunderously dark. _She is_ mine.

A strange, overpowering feeling of possession came over me and I couldn't repress the memory of seeing the mutt's arm draped over her exquisite shoulders. _I_ was the only who could touch her like that. _I_ was the only one who could wrap my arms around her and feel her body close to mine. My vision became unseeing as a sudden flashback entered my mind…

_It was night when I finally flew back to Forks. Every passenger had flipped the overhead lights off and was now sleeping soundlessly, apart from the occasional snore here and there. Thankfully, I had situated myself near the back of the crowded less flight. Stewardesses would pass by me, smiling sweetly, asking me if I needed anything, when secretly they asked if I wanted to join them in the empty bathroom. I could see the lock flash to 'occupied' in their minds. _

_Politely turning them down, I had decidedly closed my eyes in an attempt to fain sleep. Bella was only a couple of hours away from my sight. I didn't know whether to be happy about that or not. There was no doubt that I wanted to see her, but not when she was in pain. A slight frown washed over my face. More than anything, I wanted to feel her in my arms again. I wanted her heartbeat to pump wildly against my chest; to see her cheeks flush with passion. Licking my lips, I could almost taste her there. Her floral scent engulfed my senses, rendering my mind of proper function. I imagined Bella's small hands running through my bronze hair as her lips softly caressed the side of my neck. My fingers curled around the arms of my seat as my imagination got the better of me. I stifled a groan as her hands tangling further into my hair, her legs coming up to straddle my hips. It had been too long since I was fully able to appreciate her. My hand grasped the back of her head, tangling itself into her hair. I kissed her deeply, parting her soft lips with my tongue. My other hand pushed its way under her shirt, slowly rising to the soft, supple flesh that I wanted to feel. She bucked her hips against mine and I moaned into her mouth…_

Suddenly, a new, unwelcomed thought barged through my trance.

_God, her lips are so beautiful. Is it wrong that I want to kiss her right now?_

My eyes bulged, my jaws clenched. A soft hiss escaped my lips as I saw Jacob imagining himself pushing Bella up against the nearest tree.

A bright, brilliant red washed over my eyes. Blood red. I jumped to the next tree, silently hunting my prey.

The limb hanging only thirty feet above them barely trembled beneath my weight. I twisted my body so that I was leaning over it, my black eyes wide as my lips curled over my teeth. I issued a low growl that carried through the air; caught in the current of the breeze.

Bella immediately turned around but it was Jacob who tensed. His nostrils flared and I watched with satisfaction as his body began to quiver. The tanned skin over his knuckles stretched as he clenched his fists. My gaze shot over to Bella as she still looked nervously around the woods.

_If only you knew I was right above you, my love…_

I heard her sharp intake of breath. I watched, as her eyes grew wide. She stilled beneath me and in that moment I cursed myself for my stupidity. It was as if time had stopped. The air blew wisps of her hair past her pale skin, her face turned slowly, inch by inch as she moved to lift her chocolate gaze to mine…

Within seconds, I was gone, sitting in the top of the tree I had occupied before. My heart clenched as a momentarily glimpse of hope flashed across her eyes, only to be followed by a deep internal grief when there was nothing there to stare back at her but a few quivering leaves.

I wanted to jump down from this tree and race over to her. Jacob be damned. I couldn't stand the pain in her eyes. I wanted to hold her in my arms and smooth away the soft waves of her hair, kiss every inch of her skin and tell her that I was here and she was mine. Forever.

There was nothing that I longed to do more. But as Jacob began to turn in the direction of my scent, I knew I couldn't give myself away that easily. With one last glance towards my love, I sprang to life and raced away from the woods that beckoned for me to stay.

The icy wind swept past my face as I dodged gracefully, silently, in and out of the trees; snaking my way closer and closer to the abandoned mansion that was once our home.

As soon as my feet passed through the threshold, I quickly shut the door and allowed my body to slump against it. My eyes were unseeing - blank - as I slid down the wooden length. And as my body sagged against the floor, all I could see was Bella's pained face. The light left her eyes and it was as if I had left her all over again. I couldn't risk letting her see me now. I needed to know more of her powers before I could allow that to happen. But God, I wanted her to see me. I wanted to feel her in my arms again. And if that meant turning her into one of my kind, so be it. I would do anything to be with her for all of eternity. My family had been right. I was too selfish; too absorbed in my own suffering that I couldn't see Bella's. And now I was only adding even more to her heartache.

A soft vibrating sound echoed around me. I numbly dug my hand into the pocket of my jeans to pull out my cell phone. My eyes glanced to the caller ID.

Alice.

I didn't even have to say anything before she started talking.

"Edward, what have you been doing? You haven't called us since you arrived in Forks and half the time I can't see you! What the hell is going on?"

A small smirk graced my lips. Leave it to Alice to be the enraged, hysterical one. "I've been watching her, Alice. Just like you all told me to do."

"So why can't I see you at times?"

"Remember Jacob Black?" I asked, letting my head drop back against the door. "Let's just say his grandfather's genes carried down the line."

The low, menacing growl that issued from the other line was unmistakable. "No wonder I can't see her or you. Edward. What is she doing with him?"

"They knew each other when they were younger. Their friendship sort rekindled when she moved back to Forks," I smirked then. "Well, for Bella anyway. He wanted more ever since she came back. I didn't think anything of it then, but now he's hanging around her more. Comforting her because I'm no longer with her."

Alice hissed. "That explains my visions then."

Maybe it was nothing, but something about the way she said that made the venom pool in my mouth and rage boil deep within my gut. "What do you mean, Alice?"

I could hear her sigh and almost visualized her pacing back and forth in front of Jasper. "What I mean, Edward, is that I can't see you two together – not in the way that you want to be. I don't know if it will happen again or not. And this may have something to do with Jacob."

If it weren't for my frozen-like state, I would have let the phone slip from my grasp. What was Alice saying? That Bella and I wouldn't be together again? That she would be with Jacob? My eyes widened in horror. _What have I done?_

"Alice." I swallowed nervously, my voice unusually cracking. "I have to go now. I'll call you soon."

I didn't wait for her response before I snapped the phone shut. The idea of never being with Bella again was something unfathomable to me. For the past several nights, I had crept into her room, watched her sleep. I listened to her soft moans as she tossed and turned. I kissed and caressed her skin when her nightmares haunted her and I would whisper words of love in her ear that would bring her to tears. Tonight was no different. In fact, tonight I felt the need to see her even more.

A soft wind blew through the opened window, rustling wisps of her hair as she slept. I silently crept over to her, memorizing each detail of her beautiful form. Her small hand curled loosely by her face. She slept on her back, her left hand resting gently over her stomach. A soft, peaceful look graced her features. And in the moonlight, her skin glowed, casting an ethereal radiance to protectively surround her.

I knelt to my knees, my chest becoming painfully tight. If I were capable of crying, a few tears would have streaked down my pale skin.

"Bella…" My voice sounded choked. "Bella, my love…"

Tentatively, I reached out a hand, my fingers hovering over her face. It was like magnetism. I wasn't touching her skin, but I could feel the pull between our bodies. A soft whimper escaped my lips as I leaned closer, lightly, almost barely, running the tip of my nose along her jaw line. "Bella…"

She stirred slightly, a pained expression marring her angelic features. My heart clenched. "I'm so sorry, my love," I breathed, gently tucking a few stray hairs behind her ear, relishing in the momentary contact of her skin.

"Edward…" she whispered, shifting once again, her eyes still closed.

My right hand lightly trailed down her arm, resting it over her own hand that lay on her stomach. My fingers softly caressed hers as my lips placed feather light kisses to her neck.

"Mmm…" She moaned quietly, her free hand slowly tangling in my hair. "Edward," she whispered again. "Don't leave me."

"Never," I murmured against her warm skin. "I'll never leave you, Bella. I promise." I removed my hand from hers and allowed it to slowly snake its way up her body. My fingertips lightly traced the swell of her breast as I hovered my mouth over hers. "I'll never leave you."

She shivered in response and arched her body into my hand as I began to softly knead her. Her hand knotted further into my hair, pushing my face down into the shallow curve of her neck. I kissed her skin, lightly licking at areas, emitting soft cries from her lips.

It wasn't fair. I knew it wasn't right to treat her this way – to love her and worship her without her ever knowing it. Masochistic almost seemed a childish term to describe me in the way I treated her now.

She turned her face towards mine, seeking out my lips, but I knew… I knew I couldn't grant her that one request. She would surely wake when our mouths collided and I would be found out. I couldn't risk her waking to me hovering over her. She would probably think she was crazier than she already did.

Reluctantly, I lifted my lips to her forehead, lightly kissing her skin. My hands slowly pulled away from her, detangling myself from her grasp. She whimpered in response and two lone tears trickled down the corners of her eyes.

"Oh Bella," I murmured, leaning in to gently kiss them away. She stirred beneath me and I had a split second to react to the fluttering of her eyelids as they slowly opened.

She sat up sleepily, searching around in the dark. From her closet, I could still see the stains of wetness that marked her face. She clutched her chest as if in pain and swallowed heavily. And then she froze. I found my body doing the same. Her gaze slowly turned to her closet. She sat staring right at me again, just as she did in the woods earlier today. A few steps out of her bed to open these doors and she would find me. There was no way I could hide myself if she did so.

I stayed focused on her gaze, watching her as her saddened expression deepened and she finally collapsed back onto her pillow, a tearful, sleep induced state washing over her. A heavy sigh left my lips. I allowed my head to lull against the closet door and eventually the soft hum of her lullaby echoed from my throat. I watched as her body noticeably relaxed to the sound of my voice.

Alice's words came back to haunt my mind. And as I looked at my sleeping Bella and the empty space that occupied her side, I wondered if I would hold her against me ever again.

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**A/N**: So, we're really excited to see how many people are reading this! It's incredible the numbers we keep getting with every post and we want to thank you for those of you who have been leaving feedback for us :D We encourage other readers to leave feedback as well - we want to know if you all like this! And of course, if you all have questions, please don't hesitate to ask us. I know some parts of this update may have left you going... "Huh... why isn't Edward showing himself yet, etc." It will be answered in the next few chapters, so don't worry ;)

And yeah, like I said, that flashback was really random... but hello? Mild smut... LOL We needed to throw it in somehow... haha


	9. Desperation and Deception

**Summary**: Bella can't fathom living her life without Edward in it. When he left her behind in Forks, his intention was to protect her from himself. But leaving her ignited something no one ever foresaw, not even Alice. Because of Edward's decision, he's killing his one true love. Can Bella be saved before she is lost to Edward forever, or is she doomed to a fate beyond anyone's control?

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Ok, here's the next update. It's REALLY long, but we hope you like it. Your comments are always appreciated so please keep posting reviews! :D By the way, the italics in the middle is a small portion of the song "Elephants" by Rachael Yamagata.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 9**

Edward's POV:

Shortly after my sweet Bella had fallen back asleep, I carefully stepped out of her closet and slowly made my way to the window. The hatred I had for myself was growing exponentially with each moment I spent watching her without her knowledge of it. Why did I have to torture her this way? Just as I was about to leap out her window, she whispered my name. I froze. Had she discovered me? I turned slowly only to discover that she remained asleep, wearing a tortured expression as my name graced her lips for a second time. My heart turned to ash. Even in her sleep she could not escape the agony I had caused her. Seeing the constant pain she was in was my hell. I couldn't stand knowing that the turmoil I suffered myself was trounced by any single one of her tears; a single whimper; a desperate mention of my name. My guilt crippled me. I really _was_ a monster.

With blackened eyes, I turned and flew out the window, landing more heavily on the damp grass than usual with anger. I took off running through the forest back toward the mansion. An unsuspecting doe was unfortunate enough to have been grazing in my path and it never saw me coming as I attacked it without thinking. The dirt under my shoes kicked up in a cloud of dust as I fell roughly to the ground with the animal, the attack having broken the momentum of my running. In a flash, its life was over with a loud snap as I broke its spine in half. I tore angrily into its flesh, ripping away large chunks of fur and muscle as I snarled like the monster I was. Blood sprayed everywhere as I violently mangled its body, intent on using it for destruction rather than sustenance.

When there weren't any pieces left large enough for me to further butcher, I sprinted off as quickly as I arrived, leaving a trail of red in my wake. I felt as if I were falling into a bottomless pit as I realized the irony of what I had left behind me, for, apart from physically, it was not much different than what I had done to my love.

-

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_"And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do._

_You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you._

_If the tiger shall protect her young, then tell me how did you slip by._

_All my instincts have failed me for once -- I must have somehow slept the whole night."  
_

_-_

_- _

Bella's POV:

Rain danced across the window, the soft pangs waking me from my sleep. I opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the morning shadows.

Last night, I had dreamt of _him _again. The feel of his lips still lingered on my skin. It had seemed so real and yet I knew the truth. As I lay there, staring across the room, my eyes unseeing, I knew that he would never return to me. Why would he? I could never be as graceful as his family. I was more likely to end up in the ER just because I tripped over my shoelace. He deserved someone who was _like_ him - someone who was stunningly beautiful, elegant, and powerful. All of the things that I am not, nor would ever be.

Pushing myself up, I glanced towards the mirror that hung on the far wall. I stared back at the girl with the dark circles beneath her eyes, the bird's nest hair, the gray-pale skin. _Where did I go? _My fingers gently swept over my cheeks, feeling the dried tears that stained my face.

I thought back to the first day I had arrived in Forks to my first day at Forks High School. I could still see he and his family sitting in the cafeteria, the way he looked at me with piercing black eyes, the way he tensed when I sat beside of him in biology. And then I remembered the day he saved me in Port Angeles and how that had marked a turning point in our relationship. Bits and pieces of him started to pass through my mind - the first time I saw his skin sparkle like diamonds beneath the sun, the way his cold lips felt pressed against mine. I could see everything in clear detail, from the fight with James to the Prom, from watching _Romeo and Juliet_ on my couch to saying goodbye to my first love forever. I didn't miss one aspect, not one little feature since he entered my life. And somehow… I wished that I could forget it. All of it.

"It was just a dream, Bella," I told myself, glancing back at the sallow, sickly looking girl in the mirror. "It was all just a nightmare. And now it's time to wake up."

-

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Padding down the stairs, my fingers immediately flew to my hair, twisting it up into a wet bun. A few strands swept past my face as I entered the kitchen.

Charlie had decided to go on his usual fishing trip after I had protested vehemently that he get his life back. It felt nice to be alone for once. But upon looking for food to calm my growling stomach, I groaned loudly as my eyes scanned the contents of our pantry. A mountain of calculus homework awaited my attention upstairs and from the looks of it, I'd have to make a grocery run before I could attend to anything else.

Somehow, I had slept in until noon – something very unlike me to do. Even after taking a shower I still felt exhausted, almost as if there were lead weights attached to my limbs, making me drag my way across the floor.

And for all that I wished, the burning hole in my chest wouldn't fill. It was there, growing painfully every day. The voices that I heard only seemed to add to my pain.

Did _he_ ever have this problem? Did _he _feel sick every time they floated through his mind? _No_ – no, he was strong enough to take it. He wasn't as weak as I was. I was just me – just Bella. I was only _human_.

Hot tears slipped down my face. I imagined _him_ sitting at his piano in whatever country he was in now – laughing, letting the music flow freely from his fingertips and his family would be there, smiling and doing what they normally did. They would go on living their lives the same way they did before they met me. I'm sure they were so relieved now. There was no longer a clingy girl distracting them. _He_ didn't have to worry about me hanging onto the mere strands of his existence anymore. Not ever.

Somewhere between looking in the pantry and my morbid train of thought, I found myself staring into the refrigerator. The freezing chill numbed my face but I could hardly care. It reminded me so much of…

More tears dripped down my chin. I shut my eyes tightly. The cool air drifted around my body, mimicking his arms wrapping around my waist.

A loud knock echoed from the front door, startling me from my daze. I turned towards the noise and noticed a tall figure through the blurred glass of the window.

"J-Just a minute!" I called out, quickly wiping away the tears. Nudging the refrigerator door close, I made my way to the front door, making sure not to trip over myself in the process.

"Bells!"

Jacob's ever happy voice boomed into the house as I saw him. If it was possible, I was pretty sure he grew at least an inch since yesterday. And like yesterday, he wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Uh… hey, Jake," I said, shaking my head to rid the saddened stupor I had been in. "Out for another run?"

Jacob looked down at his lack of attire and grinned. "Yeah I guess you could say so." _I really wish you could see me change, Bella._

I smiled, feeling the blush slowly creep up my face. "I'd like that Jake. But maybe some other time? I feel pretty exhausted right now." I did my best to not sound so insincere but Jacob's grin widened even further, showing off his white teeth.

"Sure, sure."

A small laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head. "Do you want to come in? I was just about to make some lunch. I think we've got some cheese somewhere in there. We could have grilled cheese sandwiches."

His dark eyes twinkled at the sound of food. "Definitely! I was hoping you'd say something like that. Billy took the leftovers that Sue made the other night for him and Charlie today. Anyway, I thought I'd come here and keep you company. Plus, I honestly didn't feel like making anything," he said sheepishly as he followed me into the kitchen.

I smirked at his lame excuse. Sometimes, I really regretted testing my flirtation skills on him last fall. "Excuses, excuses," I sighed. "Besides Jake, and no offense or anything, but I don't think you and the kitchen would get along that well."

I laughed despite myself, waiting to hear his deep voice as well. A minute must have passed by before I realized that I was the only one making noise. "Jake?" I turned around to look for him.

He stood only a few feet from the door, his eyes hard and cold, his fists clenching. Somewhere, deep down, the wolf was trying to break loose. I could practically see the tension in the air sparking. "Jake." It wasn't a question this time. I hadn't seen him behave this way ever and it struck me how painfully obvious it was that he wasn't the same person who I used to know. "What's wrong?"

A few words floated through my mind – _stench, Sam, warning_ – none of it made any sense. It was almost as if he was trying to block me from reading his mind.

"Jacob," I stated, making his name loud and clear. Finally, he seemed to look at me, and his posture visibly relaxed.

"What? Sorry, Bella." He shook his head and pulled out Charlie's chair. His body made an audible "thump" sound as he sat down.

I eyed him curiously, reaching for the refrigerator once again. "Are you sure you're okay?"

He simply rolled his eyes, shrugging me off. "Yeah, Bells. But I may bother you some more if you don't hurry it up with the food." He winked at me before cracking his famous, happy smile.

I sighed, feeling somewhat relaxed, and reached for the cheese. "You know, you're very demanding as a werewolf."

Jacob's laugh echoed around the room and I couldn't help but notice how it made me feel slightly better – almost as if my body were warming to his presence. "What can I say? I'm hungry."

"Since when haven't you been?" I teased. "You know, maybe you should learn how to cook something other than microwavable food." I eyed him challengingly as I made my over to the stove; bread and cheese in hand.

"I thought you just said that I shouldn't be friends with the kitchen?"

I flipped the dial to medium heat and spun around. "So, you were listening!"

His eyes twinkled brightly as he stood up. "You know I may seem dumb sometimes, but I do listen to you."

"Sure, sure," I smirked, tossing a rag in his direction. He caught it with ease and moved to stand beside of me. It wasn't until I had watched the butter melt completely in the pan that I noticed he was staring at me. When I turned to him, his face was drawn, tight. It was as if his eyes saw right through me and I felt the blush spread over my cheeks once again.

"Your eyes are bloodshot, Bells."

I did nothing to acknowledge his statement. He was so close to me now that I could feel the heat rolling off of him in waves. His eyes narrowed, searching my face for an answer. _What's wrong?_

My hands began to shake and I swallowed hard, feeling as if I would crack under his gaze. "It's nothing," I whispered, turning to face the stove.

His hand flew out to my arm, stopping me. I could feel the heat that permeated through my sweater as he pulled me close. "Bells, talk to me. Were you crying?"

I could feel the tears well up again. How dare Jacob come in here and demand to know what's going on? I wanted to forget about my problems. I wanted to forget about Edward.

My eyes blinked and I inwardly gasped. His name was like a hot metal poker branding my heart until it burned to ash. I quickly tore my arm from Jacob's grasp and clutched the edge of the counter. My heart hammered beneath my chest and I realized with a sudden clarity that Edward would never hear it again.

"I'm sorry." His voice was so quiet, barely above a whisper. "I know it's not easy for you now. But if you ever need to talk to anyone, Bella… I'm here."

Slowly, I turned to him. He grinned, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "If you want to, that is." A quiet silence filled the room until Jacob nervously coughed. "What do you say we finish these sandwiches, huh?"

Without knowing it, I felt the corners of my mouth twitch upwards. "Thanks," I mumbled, turning back to the task of our lunch. Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself and reached for the spatula. "Okay, so first you butter the pan like I did."

About an hour later, I was seeing Jacob to the door. And to my surprise, true laughter was flowing freely from my lips.

"I mean, you should have seen Embry, Bells," Jake was saying. "He was as red as a tomato. He would have given you a run for your money."

"Oh gee, thanks there, Jake," I teased, nudging him slightly.

He laughed and stepped out into the gloomy Forks weather. "Hey, at least it's not raining like this morning, yeah? Billy and Charlie might just get a good catch."

"Yeah, I mean, I don't know about you, but I need more fish in my life."

Jacob snorted, shaking his head as he descended the stairs. "Thanks for lunch, Bella! I'll see you around. By the way, I'm keeping you to that promise you made."

"What promise?" I raked my mind for everything that I had said to him.

"To see me change of course." _And you were surprised that I had been listening to you._ He winked at me before turning around to walk into the woods.

I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest as I watched him. _Jerk_. "Bye Jake!"

He raised one hand to signal his farewell but not before turning around to me once more. "Hey, Bella do me a favor!" he called out.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Lock your window at night."

And with that, he turned back around to leave me gaping in utter confusion. But deep down... my heart began pounding erratically. "What's that supposed to mean? Jacob!" But he didn't say another word. I could only imagine the smirk on his face as he walked into the depths of the alien green forest.

-

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A few hours and another fish dinner later, I found myself walking towards the living room where Charlie was watching the game. He turned to look at me, his eyes lighting up as he smiled. "Hey, Bells."

"Hey." I leaned against the frame of the entryway, watching him as he turned his attention back to the game. Sometimes, I wish I could make him stop worrying. I wish that I could wear a smile on my face that said everything was fine. In the end, no matter how much I lied to myself and to everyone else, I couldn't lie to him. Charlie was never one for displaying his emotions, but it was obvious that I was driving him to the edge. And more than anything, I wished that I could make it stop.

"How you doing, kiddo?" he asked, his voice gruff and thick with exhaustion. "Did Jacob stop by to see you again?"

I quirked an eyebrow at his remark, wondering just how much he was loving the idea that good ol' Jacob Black was around to be my caretaker now. "Yeah he did. We had lunch but that was about it."

"That's good. You know, Bells, it may be good for you to hang out with him. Maybe even hang out more with your other friends."

Friends. Now there was a concept that was left to the imagination. "Sure, dad. Listen, I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Alright, honey. Have a good ni-"

A loud static echoed from behind me. I turned around to see Charlie's walkie going off. Before I could look away, he was already breezing past me. He picked up the radio and began listening in. "You go on now, Bells. I might be out late tonight but I'll see you in the morning." He sighed and radioed in to the station.

As I walked away, I couldn't help but slow my trip up the stairs, listening to the conversation.

"… yeah some campers are a little uneasy. Said something about a dead deer that was pretty mangled."

My heart stopped.

"Mangled?" Charlie asked, his voice more alert. "Well, Jerry, we've got bears around here. I'm sure it wasn't more than that."

"I don't know, Chief. You should see this."

Charlie sighed audibly and turned to grab his things. I was too momentarily shocked to move any part of my body. Maybe it was Jake? No. Jake didn't eat animals, did he? Maybe he did. But maybe Charlie was right. It could have been a bear or even a mountain lion. I gulped. Or… maybe it was…

"Bella?"

I turned suddenly to see Charlie watching me in concern, his eyes wide. "You go on to bed. I'll be back soon, alright?"

He didn't wait for my answer. I could only nod dumbly as I watched him leave through the front door. Somewhere within the next five minutes, I found that my feet were able to move again. My hand easily found the knob to my door and I hastily shut it close.

That's when my eyes focused in on the one thing that I tried to make myself forget. The one thing that Jacob seemed so adamant about before he left.

_"Lock your window at night."_

I stared at the latch. One simple twist of my wrist, one easy flip of the metal notch, and I closed Edward out forever. I knew he wasn't here, but the thought that he could be, helped me to survive – it kept me living.

Slowly, I walked over towards the window. The soft thuds of my feet against the wooden floor contrasted heavily to the thunderous beating of my heart. So many nights I laid awake, wondering if he would come through that window. I would wake up from my sleep and pause to see if I felt his presence with me. And each morning, some part of me hoped to see my window cracked open – to provide some sign that he was here. To prove that there was a reason for me to feel alive again.

My hand reached for the window. I could feel the tremors in my body slowly begin to build.

The tears caught in my throat. My fingers brushed against the latch and without thinking, I pushed the window open and peered out into the cool night sky.

The forest was black, glowing a magnificent blue beneath the full moon. Somewhere within the depths of the trees, I felt a pair of eyes watching me. And yet I wasn't afraid.

A stray tear slid down my face. If I just let my mind play tricks on me, if I just let myself go, I could almost see him standing there in the woods. I could see the torn, pained look in his beautiful tawny eyes. A soft sob escaped my lips. "Edward…"

Saying his name aloud sent a jolt of emotions through my body. I gasped loudly, sucking in the air sharply as it burned my lungs. My hands slammed the window shut and I found myself stumbling backwards from it as if it were some horrible disease.

I stood there, staring at the latch, wondering if I could have the strength to lock it. Silent, crystal tears slid down my face. There was nothing – nothing left for me here. I couldn't bear to lock out the one piece of my heart forever. I wasn't ready for that.

Without another thought, I ran from my room, throwing the door open at an alarming strength. It banged up against the wall with a resounding cry. My feet moved of their own accord, carrying me swiftly down the stairs. I didn't pause for anything – not even a jacket. The only thing I needed, I already had with me.

The night air was cool as it hit my dampened face, stinging the trails of tears that never seemed to end. Jamming my hand into the pocket of my jeans, I pulled out the keys to my truck. They jingled noisily as I fumbled with them, desperately trying to keep myself from falling to my knees and crying out into the night sky.

My hand latched onto the handle of my old Chevy, wrenching the door open. Flakes of rust showered the ground as I climbed in and slammed the door shut. Within seconds, the engine roared to life. I gripped the steering wheel, not bothering to wipe the tears away. And as I pushed my foot to the gas pedal and felt the tires squeal in protest, I thought of nothing else but getting away from here.

Suddenly, I found myself going to La Push.

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**A/N 2**: So did you like it? We hope so. I know it's really emotional and the ending makes you go, "WHAT?" But if you think that was a cliffhanger... just wait for the next one ;)


	10. Enough is Enough

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: We know that all of you are like... "What? Bella's going where?!" haha... Well, you may not like a part of this update but we hope you still enjoy it ;) I'd like to thank my fabulous co-writer, kalejay, for writing this update. It's seriously complete genius as far as I'm concerned.

Again, I'll write you all another little note down south! LOL

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**Chapter Ten**

Edward's POV:

Statues could not compare to how still I remained as I spent the entire day in my bedroom mulling over the last few days. I hadn't bothered to wash away the doe's blood, and it had dried all over my hands and face, stained my clothes, and caked itself underneath my fingernails. It painted through my hair as I had combed my fingers through it in my frustration. The tangled dried strands of bloody bronze hung in front of my eyes as I had glared out my bedroom window watching the hours go by.

I stewed in the evidence of my inhumanity, hating everything that I was, but mostly hating that she was dying inside and that it was because of me. I needed to see her again and I wanted her to know that I came back for her. I needed her to look me in the eyes again, to see her smile, to see the rosy blush of her cheeks... to tell her that I was sorry.

Pulling the blood-stained shirt over my head, I broke my immobility and made my way to the bathroom to finally clean myself up. I stared into the sink as the red pool swirled down the drain. How easily the blood on my hands could be washed away as opposed to the destruction I had caused between Bella and myself. With an infuriated rage, I slammed my fist into the counter top, cracking the ceramic tiles into a small cloud of dust. Esme would have my head for this when she would discover it.

I decided then and there that I wouldn't wait any longer.

The sky was black when I headed back to her house. I took my time, walking at nearly human pace as I debated how I would present myself and what I would say. Somehow the words 'I'm sorry' seemed to be severely insufficient for the amount of pain I had caused her... caused _us_.

As I reached the edge of the forest, I stopped to lean against a sycamore and peered toward her bedroom window. It was as if she knew I would be coming. There she was, gazing out toward me, her loose waves gently sweeping around her face in the cool breeze. I could hear her uneven breathing from where I stood. Her short and shallow gasps were coated with a heavy sob as she whispered my name. I knew she couldn't see me but her beckoning call captured me and pulled me forward. I had to show myself to her. Now.

As I took my first step forward, her window violently slammed shut. I narrowed my eyes and froze again, listening as I heard loud thuds and slams coming from inside the house, and moments later, her heavy footsteps running thunderously down the staircase. My eyes whipped to the front door as she came rushing out, tears pouring down her face. She got into her truck and hastily peeled into reverse, backing out of her driveway clumsily, almost knocking into the mailbox.

I sucked in a sharp breath. "Wait!" I begged with a whisper. Something felt extremely wrong.

A torrent of rain began to wash down not a second after the tires of her truck left the driveway. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath me. I could only stare dumbly after her as I put the pieces together: The rain... the hysterical crying... Bella speeding off in her truck... Alice's vision was coming to a head and I was too late to stop it. The only uncertainty was what would happen next that made Alice's vision cut short. I couldn't let anything happen to her. The fear of losing Bella for good nearly kept me frozen where I stood, but before her truck disappeared around the curve in the road, I took off running after her.

I remained within the trees, not wanting to startle her if she saw me. I didn't need to be the reason she would lose control of her truck. The rain soaked me quickly as I dashed through the soaking forest, passing her truck. I looked ahead on the road, searching for anything that might put her in danger. The road was clear for miles. Other than her own driving which was faster than it should be in this condition, I saw nothing that would cause myself to worry.

Swiftly, I turned back around and waited the short few moments as her truck caught up with me again, then continued to run alongside her. _Bella, slow down!_ I shouted in my mind. That old Chevy of hers wasn't exactly able to go anywhere close to fast, but even a slow crawl in this torrent was dangerous. Suddenly, her truck eased off slightly. I cringed, realizing that she must have heard me and another pang of guilt struck me as I knew she must be on the edge of thinking she was crazy, even though I was thankful she had listened to me.

I kept pace with her truck as the unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach refused to disappear. Something was wrong and I couldn't figure out what it was. If I didn't know what the danger was, how could I stop it from happening? I was wracking my brain of possibilities when the answer suddenly hit me. My teeth bared and my body tensed as my natural defenses kicked in instinctually. I wasn't alone in the forest. A menacing growl escaped my throat as I noticed the large russet wolf on the opposite side of the road running parallel to me. I recognized the scent immediately.

"Jacob Black," I spat, acknowledging him with distain. It all made sense now. No wonder Alice's vision cut off as Bella was driving. She wasn't in danger... she just had a _parasite_ attaching to her.

Jacob flashed his teeth in an irritating wolfy grin as he kept his pace even with mine.

_Edward. So you_ are _back. Too shy to show yourself to Bella, or is it that you_ enjoy_ torturing her?_

My lips peeled back revealing my teeth and I snarling at his accusation, refusing to show how much his comment actually pained me. If Bella hadn't been between us in the road I wouldn't have hesitated to launch myself into that insolent pup and rip his throat out. The taste of werewolf blood suddenly intrigued me, until I remembered how awful it reeked.

The Quilute border was quickly approaching and I knew that unless I wanted to start a war, I could not follow Bella past that point. The wolf realized this as well and sneered at me a second time. I reluctantly came to a halt right on the border, grabbing hold of a low tree branch which ripped away from the trunk as easily as a toothpick snapping in half. I groaned loudly in frustration as I watched Bella continue down the road where I couldn't follow, her red tail lights disappearing as they rounded the curve.

_I'll take it from here, bloodsucker_, Jacob said smugly as he passed me. He pulled his lips back off his teeth in an insolent smile, then barked a laugh as he proceeded to run off after Bella's truck.

Anger boiled up from within my core as images of Jacob's intentions flashed through my mind. It sickened me that he was encroaching on the one thing I loved. I had been too late to reveal myself to her and now that dog was moving in. I stepped out from the canopy of the forest and walked slowly to the center of the road, glaring at the emptiness in front of me. The heavy rain hammered into the pavement violently, ricochetting back upward so it drenched me from every possible angle. I looked down at the invisible line that set the boundaries of where my kind could not infiltrate, clenching my fists so tightly that my knuckles threatened to pierce through my skin.

Was she worth a war? Absolutely.

My anger fueled me forward and I took two steps across the border, but a sick realization flowed through my iced over veins and froze me where I stood: She was going to him willfully. I waited too long and now I may have lost her forever. The visions of Jacob's intentions replayed in my mind: He would wipe away the tears that stained her face. He would hold her close, comfort her, tell her she's better off without me in her life... He would... He would... My features twisted in pain as I forced myself to ignore the part Jacob had emphasized just to hurt me, and took the two steps back from the border.

She'll be back, and I would be waiting for her when she returned. Jacob could try whatever he wanted but Bella was still mine. She had to be...

There was nothing I could do but wait.

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Bella's POV:

The rain started to come down in buckets as I sped down the road toward La Push. I could barely see the road, even with the windshield wipers struggling at full speed. The tears that clouded my vision didn't help either but the desperation I had to escape my pain kept my foot pressed firmly down on the gas peddle. Images of losing control of the Chevy and flipping into the ditch kept replaying in my mind. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, I thought with despair. I was pretty certain that the physical pain that would ensue from an accident wouldn't compare to the emotional daggers that constantly stabbed my heart. I suddenly recalled that if I died, Edward had said that he wouldn't see the need to continue his own existence... I wondered if he still felt that way.

_Bella, slow down!_

I sobbed pathetically as his voice cautioned me as if answering my question. It hurt to continually hear his voice and not see his beautiful face. It hurt not only in my heart, but it pierced my mind this time as well. I brought my fingertips to my temple, cringing at the wave of pressure inside my head that disappeared immediately with the sound of his voice. He was always protecting me even when he wasn't around. I eased off the gas slightly as I granted his simple request.

The heavy rain hypnotized me as I drove on autopilot the remainder of the way and it was a surprise when I finally reached Jacob's house. The tears had dried on my cheeks making my skin tight and painful. I rubbed my hands over them and groaned as I put the truck in park and sat behind the wheel, listening to the rumble of the engine as it idled.

A moment later, a soft tapping on the passenger side window startled me. I turned my head to see Jacob pulling open the door, then lean his arm on top of it and bend down to look at me inside. Streams of rain washed down his face and he blinked repeatedly as the shower fell into his eyes. He almost looked as if he was expecting me.

"Can I get in?" Jacob said, squinting through one eye. He was apparently out in the rain for a while as drenched as he was. Then again, it was raining so hard I wouldn't be surprised if he had just come out of his house.

I nodded and he got in, slamming the door closed. The downpour pounded violently on the roof above us, and for a good minute or two, I stared silently straight ahead, just listening to the rain and the engine idle. I wasn't exactly sure what to say, but I knew that once I did, the tears would start to flow again immediately.

I heard Jake take a deep breath and waited for him to speak. Instead, he let out a drawn out sigh, then turned his body toward mine, shaking the truck from side to side as he moved. "I hate seeing you so sad," he said. He took my hand and enveloped it between his palms. Even soaking wet they were radiating warmth. "Talk to me, Bells."

The simple contact was enough to open the flood gates. "I can't lock him out, Jake," I admitted in a shaky voice. I stared at his hands, unable to lift my gaze to meet his. "I know he's never coming back, but I just can't!... I miss him so much," I continued, my voice breaking on the last word.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so --_

Was Jacob _singing_? I frowned, lifting my head up angrily to look at him. Ripping my hand away from his, I was about to accuse him of being insensitive when another wave of pressure made an appearance inside my head. I cringed, sucking in a sharp breath and immediately brought my hand to my temple instead.

"Are you okay?!" Jacob asked with an intensified concern as he shifted in his seat.

"My head..." I trailed off with a sigh, shaking my head defeatedly. With the amount I had been crying lately, I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that my head would feel like this. I closed my eyes and another stream of hot tears escaped from between my eyelids, running down my cheeks.

Jacob sighed sympathetically and I felt him run the back of his fingers gently along my face. "Here. Let me help," he whispered. I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the heat that emanated from his palms as they came to rest at the sides of my face. I took a deep breath as his thumbs made circles against my temples.

"Better?" Jacob asked quietly, continuing his slow massage.

"Mm-hm," I affirmed with a sigh, expelling my breath slowly. The stabbing pain was already starting to dissipate.

The little movements he made with his thumbs along my temples slowed its tempo considerably, and a second later, stopped completely. His hands remained motionless against my face. I slowly opened my eyes in question and jerked backward slightly as I noticed how intently Jacob's eyes were focused on my lips. His face was only inches away from mine.

_I know you can hear me, Bells. Don't be mad, but if I don't kiss you right now I'm going to die._

Before I had a chance to react, Jacob closed the space between us and his lips crashed fervently against mine. He held my face securely against his, moving his right hand from the side of my face to the back of my head.

_Please don't push me away._

I whimpered as the sharp pain shot through my head again, lasting only a couple of seconds. Jacob took it as a sign that I wanted him to continue, and he kissed me again. His mouth burned over mine, a complete opposite sensation than I was used to, and my throat tightened as a sob threatened to escape. I was a frozen inactive participant in the kiss, unsure how to react. Drops of water fell from his hair and rolled down my face and down my neck, the cold sensation of it throwing me for a loop. My initial thought was to push away. Edward's lips were the only one's I wanted to ever feel. But Edward was gone... Forever... and before I completely realized it, I found my lips kissing back. They closed tentatively around Jacob's bottom lip as I tested if this was something I could actually want. It was... nice. It was warm and comfortable... but it wasn't Edward.

When Jake realized I was responding, he leaned forward against me eagerly and my head came to rest against the window. His hand found my hip and he squeezed at the nape of my neck before combing his fingers upward, knotting them through my hair. He kissed my lips repeatedly as mine hesitantly danced with his. It didn't take long for me to know the obvious truth of the situation: It felt wrong.

"Wait... Jake, I... I can't," I uttered, breaking away from his kiss. My lips still burned with the heat from his. I placed my palm against his rain-soaked bare chest to nudge him away, feeling his heart crash rapidly against my hand. Jake lifted his hand from my hip and placed it on top of mine, holding it against his chest.

"Yes you can, Bella. You kissed me back. I know you want this too," he justified, hovering himself back toward me.

I shook my head, keeping my arm extended between us as much as I could. It became impossible to control my trembling bottom lip. I sucked it into my mouth, biting down onto it as I averted my eyes from his. This was definitely wrong. Every cell in my being was screaming this at me. My soul belonged to Edward and no one else. Ever. It it was impossible for me to have him then I would die alone. There was no second best. There was no other option.

"I shouldn't have come here," I uttered quietly. "We shouldn't have -- I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

"Jake..." I pleaded, lifting my eyes back to him.

"He's gone, Bella," he said frankly, finally backing off and sitting straight in his seat. He looked away from me to the rain falling onto the windshield, his expression bitter. "No amount of tears you shed can change that. To be honest, I think you're better off without him."

I winced. "God, Jacob. Way to be a jerk!" I snapped, straightening up myself. My sorrow and confusion changed to anger, but that didn't stop my tears from flowing. With the back of my hand, I wiped the tears from face, frustrated at my lack of controlling my emotions.

Jacob sighed and softened his expression. "I'm sorry." _I just wish you could see how good we would be together._ He turned his gaze toward his side window.

I groaned again. The pain in my head kept coming back and was only getting worse. There were too many things to deal with and I wanted to escape them. Coming here had just added another one to my plate.

_I would never leave her like that bloodsucker did. She could have a happy life with me. _

Jacob either forgot that I could hear him or he didn't care if I did. My head started to pound so hard that I leaned it forward onto my hands against the steering wheel and groaned softly again. Jacob turned to me.

"Bells, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I mumbled from underneath my hands, dismissing him. "I don't need another face massage thank you very much," I spat.

He sighed. "You don't look alright. Why don't you come inside and lay down?" _On my bed._

I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at him. "You'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"On the couch!" Jake sighed.

I contemplated that for half a second then decided against it. My head was pounding but I was sure if I went inside after what just happened that things would feel even more awkward. It was probably best if I just left. Some great idea it was coming here in the first place...

"No. I'm gonna just go," I replied, lifting my head up, cringing at the heaviness of it.

Jake suddenly threw open his door and got out into the rain. My brow furrowed with confusion at his rash behavior as he slammed it closed. He walked around the front of the truck to my side and opened the door.

"What the heck are you doing?" I yelled over the sound of deafening rain that flooded the inside of the truck. He looked like a statue as the heavy shower beaded down his body, drenching him all over again.

"Scoot over. I'm driving you home. You can barely keep your head up," he replied with persistence.

I was about to argue but he was already nudging me over to the passenger seat and I didn't have the patience or energy for it. I buckled in without saying a word and lifted my fingers to my lips. The feel of Jacob's lips still lingered on them. I passed my fingertips back and forth along them slowly, trying to wipe away the warmth.

Jake looked at me from the corner of his eye as he put the truck in drive and let out a little chuckle.

_It wasn't that bad was it?_

I frowned. "Just take me home."

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**A/N #2**: So... last time, I may have alluded to an interesting cliffhanger that occurs in this update... well... it occurs in the next update... lol. Don't hate me. (goes and hides in a corner)

And again, we love your reviews! Please keep commenting away ;)


	11. Seeing is Believing

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this. I'd like to note that the big section in italics in Edward's POV came from page 294 from 'Twilight' and the italics section in Bella's POV came from pages 470-471 from 'Twilight.' They are more or less paraphrased, but the quotes are directly from the book and all credit goes to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: We hope you enjoy it and **please listen to the music in my profile** as it really helps to set the mood. The first song may go over a bit. Don't wait till it's over, click the second song when you get to Bella's POV. OH and we're going back in and adding chapter titles now - just to add a bit more "pizzaz" LOL So, don't be alarmed if you get email alerts about Chapters 1, etc. being uploaded again. I know that's going to be a pain... sometimes I really hate this site's editing system... le sigh

So... ready to read this? Do you know what this update is about?? Let me give you a hint ;)

**THIS IS THE UPDATE YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! **

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**Chapter 11: Seeing is Believing **

Edward's POV:

The rain continued to fall heavily over the green terrain. It soaked through my clothes, dripped down each tendril of my hair, and beaded over my skin. For what felt like years, I stood frozen in the woods across from Bella's home. She had been gone for almost an hour and it troubled me to think that she was spending that time with Jacob Black.

Through the darkened trunks of the forest, through the sheets of pouring rain, I could see her window. Even in the darkness, I could make out the outer edges of her bed; of the dresser that she would stand in front of in the morning. And if I flickered my gaze to the right of where her door would be, I could see the very edge of the rocker that I would sit in at night and watch her sleep.

My eyes closed involuntarily and her peaceful sleeping form entered my mind. How many nights I stayed in her room when she had first arrived in Forks. I watched her - hypnotized, listened to the sounds of her even breathing, to the words that she would mutter in her dream-like state. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. On those nights that I would lie beside of her, holding her in my arms, I would place my head over her heart. Its rhythm created a song so beautiful; such a melodious symphony that I would shake slightly from the power behind it; behind the source that gave her life.

I chuckled despite myself, still standing very much alone in the pouring rain. I would never forget Bella's reaction to my nightly appearances in her room while she slept.

She was so embarrassed by what she could have said, that I almost didn't want the lovely blush on her face to ever go away.

_"You did say my name," I had admitted to her, knowing that this was the one thing she didn't want to hear._

_"A lot?"_

_"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?" I watched with fascination as her face turned an even brighter, more brilliant shade of red._

_"Oh no!" she wailed, hanging her head low._

_"Don't be self-conscious," I whispered in her ear, bringing her close to my chest. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."_

She had felt so right in my arms, like they were meant to be around her always. Her scent was the oxygen that I didn't need, but craved. Her eyes were the windows into the soul of her being, the only way that I could ever read her mind. Her mouth was the chalice that I longed to drink from. She was mine. Over a hundred years I had waited for her.

If my heart were still alive, it would have clenched painfully. I found my face contorting in agony at the thought that all of this could be taken away – completely forgotten because of my inability to see Bella for whom she truly was. I had been so foolish to leave her, so damned stupid to not stay with her like she had asked. And now our chance for forever was being shot to hell by a mongrel that couldn't fathom the true meaning of the love that she and I shared.

That's when I heard the distinctive thoughts in my head.

_She doesn't look good at all. "Bella talk to me."_ I could see the image of Bella sitting in the passenger seat of her truck while the _dog_ drove her home. Her forehead rested against the window and she pinched the bridge of her nose as if in pain. Jacob reached out to touch her and she flinched. _"Jake, please stop." _Were those tears I heard in her voice? Had he hurt her? Jacob sighed audibly. _I wish you could see how perfect we are for each other, Bells._

I saw the headlights brighten as they drove down the road. And I stood there waiting for them, waiting for the wolf to climb out of the truck so that he could see the darkened malice in my eyes before I attacked him.

They soon turned up the drive, the tires spraying gravel into the air as they went. I couldn't help the growl that escaped my lips and reverberated in the back of my throat. My feet began to move forward and I crouched low, stalking the line of the woods, ready to snap if he so much as tried to touch her again.

I saw Jacob tense for the briefest of moments as he turned the engine off. My eyes sharpened as he quickly forced himself to relax and lean closer to Bella. I felt the dirt embed itself beneath my nails as I clawed the ground. "Do you need me to help you, Bells?"

His hand reached out to her, his fingertips ready to brush against her skin.

Another low snarl ripped through my throat. _Touch her and I'll kill you, mongrel._

"Bella?"

I heard his confused call through the pouring rain. I saw the image of her face contort in agony as she clutched the door handle, her knuckles turning white. A soft wail escaped her lips as she stumbled out of the truck, almost falling to the ground. Jacob was at her side in an instant.

"Bella!" His hands wrapped around her waist in his attempt to make her stand.

"Jacob, just go!" She cried out, one hand still holding her forehead as she pushed herself away from him. "Please…" she pleaded.

I stared from my distance in the woods, my face now frozen in shock. Bella was in serious pain and I had no idea why. I couldn't do anything to help her and neither could Jacob, it seemed.

Her small frame took off towards the front porch of her home. I could hear the gravel shifting underneath her feet.

"Bella, wait!" Jacob called out, running after her. He reached for her hand, stopping her from opening the front door.

"What, Jake? What do you want?" I could hear the tears practically drenching her voice. Her face carried the weight and pain that only a broken heart could cause. "What?" she whispered softly.

Raindrops slipped down Jacob's face as he tentatively cupped her chin in his warm hand. His thumb slowly drew small circles over her skin, calming her as she took a step closer. And with each breath that she took, with each movement of her eyes gazing back into his, I felt my heart shatter into millions of pieces.

Somewhere during the moments of watching him caress her face, I saw his dark eyes flit to mine before instantly returning to my love. "I'm sorry, Bells," he said, as a vision of a heated kiss passed through his mind – though _my_ mind. He seemed to focus on the way their tongues collided, how she tasted. At first I thought it was some ridiculous daydream that he had always had, meant to torment me as I watched them. It was then that an image of Bella's head pressed up against the window flashed before me. I could almost feel the warmth of her lips as Jacob kissed her back. His fingers dug into the sides of her hips, relishing in the smoothness of her skin. The raindrops that slid down her face pooling in the corners of their mouths glistened beneath the lightening that flashed overhead. It was with agonizing clarity, that I realized this was real. He had kissed her just as she had kissed him back.

I stumbled backwards, hardly feeling the sticks that tried to pierce my hardened skin. My breathing became erratic as I saw through Jacob's eyes, the slow but deliberate approach of her face, becoming painfully closer to his.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again; ready to brush his mouth against hers. The memory seemed to intensify in his mind and in that moment Bella cried out, stumbling away from him.

My eyes shot up to her frame, the only part of my body that was still capable of movement.

She hunched over, holding her head. "I'm sorry, Jake," she muttered. "You need to go."

A worried expression creased his forehead as he stepped closer to her. "Are you sure – "

"GO!" she screamed, her eyes blazing with a rage I had never seen before.

Jacob's fists clenched on either side of his body. "Not until I see that you are able to get inside alright, Bella," he told her, his voice strong and determined.

Setting her jaw, she shoved the key into the lock and pushed the door opened. She stepped in, whipping around to face him – her gaze bright, glowing in the dark. "There. I'm inside now. Please go." Her voice shook with anger and more tears that she loathed to release. "Go, Jake."

I watched as he turned on the spot, his face matching the anger and concern that my entire being felt. His gaze locked briefly on mine as he passed the outskirts of the woods. Not one thought could be heard as his black eyes attempted to penetrate the fog like haze that seemed to envelope my mind. The pain of the situation seemed to settle deep within my core, numbing my body to any feeling. I hardly registered the fact that Jacob had now phased into his animal form and was racing back to La Push.

Beads of rain dripped down my face as I sat on the muddied ground, listening to the quiet cadence of the storm that fell upon the Earth.

There was nothing left for me to do as I watched her shut the door to her home; watched as she moved to stand in front of the kitchen window, her hands gripping the sink. And soon she collapsed over in tears, her sobs piercing my heart, setting it on fire, as I remained motionless, replaying the kiss that I never wanted to see in my mind.

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Bella's POV:

The sobs escaped my lips like a damn breaking free, bursting to life from being pent up for so long. I felt my knees begin to quiver as my fingers curled around the cold metal of the sink, clinging to it desperately as if it was the only thing that kept me alive. And in a way… it was. The cold, smooth hardness of the metal beneath my fingers, reminded me so much of Edward – of the way his skin felt under my touch. I needed him. I craved him more than I had in my entire existence.

His voice drifted in and out of my mind, haunting me. I couldn't escape him and with a sickening feeling, I realized that I didn't want to. I'd rather live the rest of my life hearing his voice even if it meant that it was all an illusion – that I was really some nut job. I'd rather feel the pain and joy of hearing his lilting tones that would penetrate my mind. I wanted to be reminded of the words he spoke, how he would talk to me as if from another century.

A vision of stark walls and the smell of chlorine filtered through my mind. I was looking up into his pained face; tubes sticking out of my arms as if I were some science experiment and he were the cause of it. I could remember trying to ease him, to tell him that what James did to me wasn't his fault as we spoke quietly in the hospital.

_"I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it," he explained, countering my suggestion of him coming to Florida with me. "Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore."_

_I felt my heart jump in my throat – the tears threatening behind my eyes. Several things seemed to happen in between the passing silence that echoed among us. I vaguely remembered a nurse coming in at one point. _

_My mind only began to clear when I felt his cool hands on either side of my face. "Shh, Bella, calm down."_

_"Don't leave me," I begged, my voice breaking as I clung to his wrists, fighting the feelings of hysteria that seemed to overtake me._

_"I won't," he promised me, his eyes wide and earnest._

He had _promised_ me he would never leave me. I shook my head and let my grip loosen from the sink, releasing the cold that I desperately wanted to cling to. My knees gave way and I slowly slipped to the ground, pressing my forehead against the wooden cabinets as a loud sob ripped through my throat.

I couldn't have been more thankful that Charlie wasn't here as I found myself whispering Edward's name as if it were a prayer – that if I said it enough, he would appear before me.

How horribly wrong I was.

"Please…" I whimpered, falling to the floor as my body curled tightly into a fetal position. "What's wrong with me?" I sobbed. Just hours ago, I was kissing Jacob – someone I promised myself to never fall for. I didn't even love Jacob. I only used him to see if there was any way that he could save me from the empty chasm that Edward had cast me in. But I knew… I knew alI too well that I could never be with anyone else. Even when he was away from me, never to return, Edward still had my heart. It would always be his.

And I hated that he made me feel this way. I wanted to believe that I could get over him – that I could request his wish and move on with my life. But I couldn't.

He was gone – out of my life for good. The pain in my head throbbed relentlessly and I wished with all my heart that it would go away and with it the pain of loosing the one man I loved. I had no idea what was happening to me and now when I needed him the most… he wasn't here. He wouldn't pick me up when I fell. He wouldn't kiss away the tears that now pooled onto the kitchen floor.

For what felt like hours, I laid there, relishing in the cool linoleum that pressed into my cheek. My tears eventually dried, my mind inevitably became numb and for all that I knew I had turned to stone – motionless, hard and cold.

My heart tightened at that realization. I was as still as he had been so many times around me.

The tears began to crawl their way back up my throat, but I forced them down. I couldn't risk having Charlie find me this way, not after everything I had put him through. The undeniable fear in his eyes when he found my catatonic form lying across the scattered articles of clothing never left my mind.

Somehow, a small miniscule strength surged through the muscles in my arms and I found myself pushing my body up into a sitting position. I sniffled once… twice… and glanced up to the counter. Slowly, my hands gripped onto the edge and I pulled myself up, leaning against the sink once more for support.

Lightening flickered across the sky and I stared out into the woods, not really expecting anything but only wishing that I might see him standing there… watching me with bright, tawny eyes.

It was only foolish hope that made me feel this way. My gaze cast down towards my fingers as they curled and uncurled around the edge of the sink. I needed air… I needed room to breathe…

Hardly realizing it, I found myself walking towards the back of the house where once again, a long thick passage of forest stared back at me.

Another bolt of lightening streaked across the sky, and it was then, that I felt it. I sensed that feeling of being watched.

How many times had I felt this and been disappointed? How many times did I have to endure the pain of not seeing him again? And still, I found myself opening the back door and stepping out onto the back porch.

The rain pounded the earth, matching the fast paced rhythm of my heart. I could hardly see through the thick veil of the storm, but still I stepped down from the steps and began to walk towards the edge of the forest.

My body shivered from the cold as the water seemed to not only drench my clothes but my skin as well. I didn't care. I couldn't seem to care even if I wanted too. All that I could do was keep moving forward and allow my feet to take me to places that I knew I wouldn't allow myself to go… if my mind was actually thinking that is.

Within a few minutes, I found myself standing in the middle of the backyard, staring into the trees as if I would see someone staring back. The feeling that I wasn't alone was so strong that I knew I couldn't be only imagining it. But somehow, I wasn't afraid. Whatever – and dare I think _whoever_ – it was out there, I knew it wouldn't hurt me. My heart fluttered at the thought that I may catch a pair of amber eyes glowing within the shadows. I had never felt so sure since he had left me – that he was here now. He had to be.

Again, lightening flashed into the sky… and there… standing in all his glory was a figure… a figure with bronze hair, pale skin and… Another bolt struck far above me, shaking the earth. I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes still trained on the one spot in the woods where I saw him. But he was now no longer there.

A choked sob escaped my lips as my eyes frantically searched the outskirts of the forest. "No…" I whimpered. "N-No…" It was the only thing that I could say. I _knew_ that I saw him. It wasn't some figment of my imagination.

"Edward!" Thunder growled ominously, echoing around me and casting his name into the wind.

Still… there was nothing. No sign of him, no trace at all. It was as if he _had_ been a ghost.

My shoulders shook as the tears leaked down my face. "Dammit!" I screamed, wishing the rain would pound me into the ground so that I could never feel this pain ever again. "Why do you do this to me?" I shouted out, not really knowing why I did so. "Is it fun for you? To see me this way?" My fingers threaded through my hair, pulling at the roots as if it would pull out the suffering I had endured for so long. "What's wrong with me?" I sobbed. "Why won't you leave me alone?" The words left my lips in a whisper and suddenly I found myself retreating back to the house and away from the torment that awaited me out here in the pouring rain.

I was going to get over him. I had to. For my own sanity, I _had_ to do this. Shaking my head, to rid the image of him from my mind, I stepped up onto the first step.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. How I could think that running out here in the rain without slipping was a stupid thing to overlook. My foot slid out from underneath me and my arms flew wildly out in front my face. It only took a mere second for me to realize that my head would crash into the corner of the cement stairs. And it only took another second for me to feel my body being lifted from the ground. I saw the stone steps retreating from my gaze and soon there was nothing but the night sky as raindrops danced over my skin. I blinked rapidly, wondering if maybe I had passed over and had never felt the excruciating pain that surely awaited me.

I felt cold, as if I was surrounded by ice. But there was something else… almost as if a body was pressed to my side. No… _I _was pressed into someone else's body. Everything seemed to sharpen as I felt the imprint of a hand hooked beneath my knees and another one cradling my head as if it would break.

My gaze shifted to the right and I sucked in a sharp breath.

There was nothing. No sound… no words… no feeling to me at all. For I was lost… lost in the golden eyes of my rescuer who now stared down at me as if he had finally found his reason for living.

One word floated through my mind, a word that I had longed to hear from his voice, that I had dreamt about, that had haunted me ever since he left. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. He said my name as if his existence depended on me. It was so beautiful that I let the tears flow freely down my face as he held me close.

"Bella."

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**A/N #2**: Did you all like it? I hope so... I tried to do my best with writing this one ;) My co-writer will be writing the next update and we'll do our best to update ASAP for you all! Thank you again so much for your reviews. We don't have time to respond to everyone, but know that we appreciate all your kind words. I guess you could say that this update was our big thank you! :D


	12. What Once Was Lost

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Ok, first of all, we'd just like to say that we are so shocked at the amount of reviews for the last update! Thank you so much everyone! :D We hope you enjoy this update as well. For now I'll let you all read, but I'll have another A/N waiting for you down below ;)

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**Chapter 12: What Once Was Lost**

Bella's POV:

I stared disbelieving into the pair of golden eyes that were locked intently on mine. So it had finally happened... I had officially gone nuts. Maybe this explained the pain in my head. Maybe I was gradually becoming more and more crazy and now the _one thing_ that I wished for most; the _one thing_ that I knew was the greatest impossibility, materialized itself to torture me. Instead of letting my grief take over and admit that this was a hallucination, I succumbed to it. He wasn't real, but I didn't care. Better I have him as a delusional vision than not at all. Making more sense, I determined that I had in fact fallen and hit my head, which in turn instigated this perfect dream.

The rain stung my face but nothing could tear my gaze from his. Since he left me he had never appeared to me as vividly as this. I was terrified that if I looked away, if I merely blinked, that he would disappear again forever and I would find myself waking up alone once more, sprawled on my steps with a gash in my head.

His eyes darted quickly between mine as I stared at his beautiful flawless marble face. A timid smile broke out faintly at the corners of his red lips then disappeared, being replaced by a look of concern that contorted his perfect features. "Bella," his melodic voice sang my name again. "Are you alright?"

I was confused by how to reply. _Was_ I alright? My angel was before me singing my name, holding me close against him, making my heart threaten to break from the confines of my chest... yet it wasn't real. It couldn't be... and that shattered me. Was I alright? I could only continue to stare at him, unsure of what to say. Would talking back to a hallucination make me even crazier?

Suddenly, I felt my weight shift as he dropped his arm from underneath my knees. He carefully lowered my feet back onto the ground at the bottom of the steps. His ice-cold hands steadied me as my shaky legs struggled to support my weight. My bewildered stare was unmoving from his face as I studied every detail of it; every line and contour as if it would be the last time I would see them, for I was sure that when he was gone again, I would not survive.

A deafening bolt of lightning crashed close by, startling me. As I jumped, his arms encircled me protectively, pulling me close into his chest. His hand snaked up my soaking wet back and came to rest on the back of my head, combing through my drenched hair. As he clenched his fist through my locks, my head tilted upward with it, and I found his mouth inches from mine. He pulled me closer and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, his lips met mine, claiming them with a hunger that was centuries starved.

My arms wrapped instinctively around his neck and I absorbed the feeling of his lips that I had been yearning for. _This_ was right. My Edward. My love. His tongue traced the edge of my lips and I parted them willingly, allowing it to invade my mouth. My grasp around his neck tightened and I responded to him heatedly, desperately. I needed him... more than I _needed_ air to live. Edward was my source of life and I could almost feel myself rejuvenating as I tasted his lips... He felt so... _real_.

A soft whimper escaped my lips as they danced with his and I prayed that my perfect dream would never come to an end. The realistic sensations of the situation baffled me. Never had my hallucinations been so powerful that I could feel every detail, the taste... the smell...

Cold rain fell in between our lips and lightening lit up the black sky. I shivered.

This was so real...

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered when our lips parted. My eyes snapped open and he resumed kissing me along my jawline. "I'm so sorry I left you. But I'm back now. Please forgive me, my love."

My body tensed and I found my hands raising up tentatively against his chest. I pushed lightly against his soaked black t-shirt under a grey wool coat, feeling the edges of his hard torso mold to my palms. The heavy downpour forced me to squint as it fell into my eyes while I looked up at his questioning gaze.

This was so real...

"Bella? Please say something."

This was torture. I couldn't pretend anymore. Letting my hands drop from his body, I took a hesitant step backward on the grass and shook my head from side to side. "Why are you doing this to me?" My voice was on the verge of hysteria. "Why can't I can't rid you of my mind? You have to come back to me, Edward. Please." I closed my eyes tightly, willing myself to wake up, knowing that when I would find myself alone again that I would die and my suffering would come to an end.

I felt the back of his fingers stroke along the column of my neck. My eyes opened and miraculously, he remained standing before me. "I _am_ back, love," he said slowly, separating each word.

Thunder rumbled emphasizing his statement.

This _was_ real!

I stared right through him, coming to terms with the fact that he wasn't just an apparition. My mind couldn't decide which emotion to pick from and I was trapped as the turmoil within myself swirled like a tornado. My relief mixed with rage and I suddenly lashed out at him. Clenching my hands into tight fists, I pounded on his stone chest, hurting myself in the process. I slapped his face as hard as I could, frustrated that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, he couldn't feel the pain I hoped to inflict. "How could you?!" I cried, slapping him again.

He grasped me by both my wrists, but his expression wasn't of anger, it was of remorse, his eyes speaking volumes more than words ever could. I continued to cry and flail in his grasp, then let my weight drop in defeat as he held me up by my wrists. "How?" I asked again, unable to utter anything else. My sobs became uncontrollable as my knees touched the wet grass. Edward dropped to his knees in front of me. With his hands still attached to my wrists, he placed my hands up to the front of his chest and looked at me with a pleading expression.

"I'm so sorry, Bella... My love... I'm sorry," Edward whispered, leaning his face into the crook of my neck. "I'm here now. Shh... Forgive me. I'm not going to leave you ever again." Letting go of my left wrist, he placed his hand underneath my chin, lifting my head upward to look me in the eyes. "Never again," he repeated, swiping his thumb over my bottom lip.

Staring into his amber depths, I begged it to be true. Countless times had I called his name in yearning when I was strong enough to utter it at all. Endlessly calling to him, I had prayed for a moment just like this. And now it had finally come.

"Edward," I whispered. For the first time, the sound of his name granted me comfort instead of agony. Relief overpowered my other emotions and I slung my arms back around his neck, reeling his lips to my own. He held me against himself with as much desperation as I emitted. I'm not sure where the mud came from but it painted from my hands onto his face, then streaked away quickly with the rain.

We remained locked in our passionate embrace for what felt like an eternity, yet at the same time it could never have lasted long enough. My body betrayed me by shivering from the rain, making him pull back from me. I arched my neck toward him as I fought unsuccessfully to remain connected with his lips.

"Let's get inside," Edward said, pulling me up with him as he stood. Another clap of thunder rumbled the dark sky as the sheet of rain continued relentlessly. As if I cared about being wet. It could have been raining acid and I wouldn't care. My Edward had come back to me.

His arm slung around my shoulders as we walked up the steps into the house. Dripping trails of puddles along the floor, we made our way upstairs to my room. I walked in first and when Edward shut the door behind himself, I turned around to face him. Watching his face through the darkness of my room, I half expecting that he would vanish into thin air. It was only when his arm snaked around my waist that I snapped out of my daze and reaffirmed that he was still real. His hand slipped underneath the wet fabric of my shirt, sliding gently along the damp flesh of my lower back, making me suck in a sharp breath as the contact of his cold fingers chilled me.

"You should really put on some dry clothes before you get sick," Edward advised, squeezing the hem of my shirt in his fist. A small stream of water dribbled onto the floor, making a miniature puddle.

Without hesitation I immediately lifted the wet shirt over my head, startling him. Standing there topless save for my bra, I shivered... not from the cold, but from the way Edward's gaze slowly trailed downward.

_So beautiful..._

I bit my lip. If only he could read _my_ thoughts... _Touch me..._

I thought I saw a struggle beyond his eyes. "I'll get you a towel," he said, averting his eyes and reaching for the doorknob.

He was gone just long enough for me to sprawl my drenched clothes over my chair and reach for some jogging pants and a camisole. As I slipped them on, Edward returned holding a large green towel out toward me with a timid smile.

I took it from him and ran it through my hair. He seemed a bit more relaxed now that my bare skin wasn't on display. Once my hair was as dry as I could make it, I handed the towel back to Edward and he quickly patted himself down with it, then tossed it over to the pile on my chair. All the while my eyes couldn't manage to simply blink from the lingering astonishment of his presence.

He caught me staring and took a step closer to me, lifting his hand to swipe a damp tendril away from my eyes. His palm molded to the side of my neck and I leaned into him with a sigh. I had to tell him something...

"Edward, something happened to me. I don't know why, but I can hear people's thoughts just like you can," I said awkwardly, cringing at the absurdity of the statement.

_I know._

My hand went straight to my forehead at the sound of his voice inside my mind and I cringed both from the pain and from the words. "You already know?" I asked with a sigh. Of course. Alice.

Edward's weary expression was unsettling. Placing his palm to the side of my face, he began to stroke my temple with his thumb. "Bella, does it hurt you when it happens?"

I took a moment to process his question. How had it never occurred to me that these jolts of pain happened only when I heard thoughts? Nodding slowly, I looked at him nervously, and the worry intensified on his features. "But it didn't start off that way," I said softly, thinking back. When he didn't reply, I started to get scared. "Edward, what does that mean? What's wrong with me?" I asked, my voice jumping up an octave.

"Charlie," Edward said, standing up. He left me staring at him as he walked over to the window. Lifting the curtain back an inch from the wall with the tip of his index finger, he turned his head back toward me. "Get under the covers. He's coming to check on you."

"But --"

In a flash he was at my side again, cradling my face. "You'll be just fine, love," he crooned in my ear. "Bed. Now." He disappeared into the closet as I heard the front door unlocking. Peeling back the comforter, I slipped into my bed quickly, still staring at the place Edward had disappeared with a sense of déja-vu. I frowned, feeling my heart begin to ache at the memory of my breakdown a few days ago. I focused on the reality that this time, Edward was really there, and my heart could begin to heal. My thoughts were cut short when I heard Charlie's footsteps climbing the stairs, so I dropped my head to the pillow and shut my eyes.

A few seconds later my door slowly swung open and I heard the soft creak of the floorboard as Charlie set one foot inside my room. I held my breath, hoping the thundering of my heart wasn't loud enough to give me away, and prayed that he wouldn't notice the wet puddles on the floor.

The seconds dragged on in silence until a sharp pang ripped its way through my mind with the sound of Charlie's thoughts.

_At least she's fast asleep. Poor Bella... Goodnight, sweetheart._

I suppressed a groan that fought to escape my lips. As soon as the door clicked shut, I brought my hand up to squeeze the bridge of my nose between my eyes and uttered a stifled moan of pain.

I felt his cold touch graze along my upper arm before I even heard that he had approached me. "Bella?"

"I'm fine. It only hurts as I hear the thoughts," I discovered. My eyes opened and found Edward's face directly in front of mine. He was crouching on the floor in front of me, his chin resting on the edge of the mattress. I shivered as his hand stroked the length of my arm, trapped in his stare, almost forgetting my new found concerns. "What's wrong with me?" I repeated in a shaky whisper.

His fingers reached my wrist and encircled it, slowly bringing my arm upward. My breath stuck in my throat as his body rose from his crouched position and leaned toward mine, his golden orbs fused to mine. He turned me onto my back and placed my hand on the pillow next to my face. My heart threatened to stop as his legs straddled me and his body hovered over mine.

"Nothing is _wrong_ with you," he murmured, and stroked the side of my cheek with the back of his right hand. His crooked smile almost did me in right there. My entire body was buzzing. "But you're going to pass out if you don't take a breath, love." Lowering his lips to the side of my face, he whispered into my ear. "Breathe, Bella." His cool breath caused me to tremble.

"That's not helping," I said as the breath I was holding escaped my lips in a rush.

With a soft chuckle, Edward rolled his body to rest at my right side, and draped his arm over my stomach. "We'll figure it out. I'll talk to Carlisle and see if he can find out anything," he said. The slight movement of his fingertips dancing along my body was distracting me from what he was saying. I took his hand in mine, weaving my fingers through his, and turned my head to the right to keep my connection with his eyes. I never wanted to look away from them again. My memory of them had not done him any justice. I simply nodded, caring about nothing more in that moment other than the fact that Edward had come back for me.

We were silent for a while. The harsh rapping of the storm against the roof was the only sound to be heard, although I'm sure Edward could hear the fluttering of my pounding heart. I brought his hand up to my mouth and gently kissed his fingertips. I couldn't help but stare at my beautiful angel, praying that he was not just another apparition. Lifting my hand to his face, my fingertips swept slowly across his cheekbone as my eyes darted quickly between his, and the corner of his lips lifted slightly as I inspected him.

"You're really here, right?" I whispered my question, afraid that the words spoken any louder might shatter the illusion of him, if that's what he was. "Please tell me it's true, Edward."

Lifting his head up off the pillow, he leaned over me again, hovering his lips inches from mine. "It's true." He closed the short distance between our mouths with a sensual kiss that made me feel as if I was falling again. And just like earlier in the rain, I felt his arms wrap around me, catching me.

My arms snaked around to his back and I pulled him eagerly down against my body. "Don't ever let me go," I rushed breathlessly before reclaiming his embrace.

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**A/N part 2**: Like I said before, the reviews you all sent in were fantastic! We now have more than 100 reviews for this story! ~does a happy dance~ Thank you again so much! Please keep reviewing and letting us know what you think :)

From now on, we're going to be getting into more detail on Bella's mind reading capabilities. I know that's been in a lot of your reviews, (especially now that Edward's back... lol) so know that your questions will be answered soon! ;)


	13. Rude Awakenings

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! Blame this on me, my co-writer is working on the next update so this was all my fault for not updating sooner. (le sigh) But sometimes, real life calls even though we don't always want it to. :/

But to make up for it, this is SUPER long - we're talking 12 and half pages on a Word Document AND....... SMUT SMUT SMUT in the beginning... muahaha.

Oh, **in my profile there** **is a link to background music** made for the very beginning section of this chapter *cough* the smut *cough* Please listen if you want an extra "ta-da" to that scene. ;)

Enjoy! :D

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_Previously:_

_"You're really here, right?" I whispered my question, afraid that the words spoken any louder might shatter the illusion of him, if that's what he was. "Please tell me it's true, Edward."_

_Lifting his head up off the pillow, he leaned over me again, hovering his lips inches from mine. "It's true." He closed the short distance between our mouths with a sensual kiss that made me feel as if I was falling again. And just like earlier in the rain, I felt his arms wrap around me, catching me._

_My arms snaked around to his back and I pulled him eagerly down against my body. "Don't ever let me go," I rushed breathlessly before reclaiming his embrace._

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**Chapter 13: Rude Awakenings**

Edward's POV:

Salt. A strange taste to my tongue and yet I craved it. I craved its bitterness, saturating my senses with the lingering scent of her smell. Her tears had leaked down her face, dripping into our mouths as we kissed. I felt as if I were in a dream. Her small hands threaded through my hair, pulling me flush against her body as if trying to mold us into one. "I'll never let you go, Bella," I whispered, moving my lips over her eyelids, over the arch of her cheek, past her nose, cherishing every inch of skin I could taste. "Never, my love."

She whimpered against my mouth, clutching me to her even more tightly. "Please don't let this be a dream," she whispered, desperation taking over her sweet voice.

_"If I could dream at all…"_

A soft keening sound echoed from the back of my throat as I roughly hooked her leg around my waist, burying my face into the crook of her neck. I breathed in her floral scent, my eyes rolling back in my head. "It's not," I growled, sending cool breath over her flesh.

_"… it would be about you."_

"God, I'll never leave you again." My lips claimed their territory once more. I couldn't handle the separation between us. We were so close and yet I couldn't feel her. Fingers met soft cotton and in seconds her shirt, including the bra beneath it, was ripped to shreds, the fabric fluttering through the air around us.

_"And I'm not ashamed of it."_

We stared at each other, trapped in that moment. Brown met black and I was forever lost. A strangled moan rumbled through my chest. "Bella." My arms wrapped around her once more, pulling her to me, my lips claiming her neck. She flung her head back, arching against my body. Every touch I gave her elicited the most beautiful notes of pleasure from her crimson lips.

My hand trailed down her side; fingertips brushing against the swell of her breast. And with each glide, with each caress, a wake of goosebumps chilled her skin. The feel of her smooth pale flesh against my cold palm, ignited something within me that had been simmering for far too long. _I need you, Bella_.

She whimpered, biting her lip in the most delectable way and I felt her nails attempt to penetrate the surface of my shoulders.

"Take this off," she whispered hoarsely, tugging at my damp shirt. "I need to feel you against me, Edward. I need to feel that you're real."

My right hand clutched the fabric that covered my torso. She stared at the pale fist that lay across my chest with wide eyes, her bare chest heaving for oxygen, desperately begging it to fill her lungs. My eyes never left her face and with one fluid motion, I bared myself before her. One simple blink and she wouldn't have realized I had removed my shirt from my body.

I had her against me in half a second. "Can you feel me, Bella?" I whispered in her ear, my hands moving down her back. "Can you feel that I'm real?" I ground my hips against hers to emphasize my point.

"Yes!" she cried out, sending the most delicious chill down my spine. It was then that I remembered Charlie was not that far away. I stilled against her as her forehead fell to rest on my shoulder. His snores told me he hadn't heard her and I made a promise to not let him interrupt us tonight.

_I need more of you_. My fingers went to the edge of her cotton pants. I laid her softly back down, toying with the skin around her waist before slowly pulling the cotton material away, hooking my fingertips through the lace of her panties as I went… moving both garments aside… inch by inch. My body moved down over hers, our eyes locked together in the darkness. I bent down and kissed the smooth flesh just below her pelvic bone. She shivered beneath me, her hands gripping the bed sheets in anticipation. My breathing hitched as my face hovered over the area of her arousal. Her scent clouded my mind. I could barely see through the haze of my passion for her. _I need to taste you, Bella_.

Slowly, I brushed my lips upward along the inside of her thigh, and licked at her soft skin, that lead me to her moist center. As I reached it, I paused, relishing in the scent of her arousal before I pressed my lips gently against hers. She gasped at the sensation as I allowed my tongue to slip beyond the edge of my lips to taste her sweet nectar. Her flavor was intoxicating. I couldn't suppress the pleasurable growl that crept up the back of my throat and vibrated against her. She knotted her fingers into my hair in response as she inhaled sharply, pressing herself against my mouth. A soft moan escaped from her in the sound of my name.

The taste of Bella's blood had forever left its mark in my brain, embedding its sweet flavor to forever coat my senses. But this… to truly taste her… this was far more devastating than the warm red liquid that pooled in her veins. I felt the muscles clench in my gut. My fingers dug into her skin, imprinting their mark into the flesh, which quickly turned a light purple. Jerking her to me roughly, I allowed my tongue to push in as far as it would go. I couldn't get enough of her warmth and the soft mews that echoed from her lips.

_I shouldn't be doing this_. A small voice tried to penetrate the sane part of my mind. _You need to stop, Edward_. Her fingers thread through my hair, tugging with all her strength. _But I can't… God, I can't_. My gaze lifted, meaning to look at her face, but instead my eyes fell to the deep violet bruises that now graced the pale flesh of her hips. _What have I done?_ Dread pooled in my stomach as my worst fear began to materialize. _What am I doing? Edward, you fool!_

A strangled sob caught my attention, so full of sadness and… pain. Instantly, I sat up, looking towards my love. Her hands were now clutching her head. Hot tears streaming down her face. "Edward," she whimpered, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. I could see the nails of her nimble fingers digging into her scalp. "Please, stop th-thinking."

I released her, hardly causing a breeze in my wake as I now stood in the far corner of her room, hiding in the shadows. My fists clenched tightly at my sides as my body began to shake with rage. Rage at myself – for what I had allowed myself to do to her.

She let out a soft, strangled cry as she slowly sat up, her brown doe-like eyes searching my face in the darkness. I focused on the way her lips quivered with each new tear. She held out her hand to me, reaching. "Please… come he–"

"Don't." My eyes shifted to the floor. I couldn't even allow myself to look at her now. How could I be so selfish? "I'm sorry, Bella." Her heart fluttered rapidly and I shut my eyes as if to rid myself of the agonizing symphony. "I shouldn't be here, not when I can cause you pain."

"Wh-What?"

My gaze flashed quickly to her face and the light that had once flickered in her eyes quickly blew out. "Oh no… No, Bella. That's not what I meant." I shook my head furiously. "I only meant that maybe I should stay at my home for the night, to keep you from my thoughts. Just… just to give you a break until I can control myself around you again."

Tears still dripping over her chin, sliding down her neck, she rose from her bed and walked towards me, her movements determined yet cautious. I stiffened as she stopped only centimeters from my body. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," she whispered. "How dare you even _think_ of leaving again after everything you've put me through." I watched, pained, as she swallowed heavily, gasping for breath through her quiet sobs. "Why would you leave me again? Why?"

Silence seemed to resonate around us for what seemed like hours before I finally spoke. My fingers lightly grazed over her bruised flesh. "I touch you, and I break you." I looked up to meet her glistening gaze, my eyes penetrating through hers. "Bella, if I even try to think of how much I love you, my words shatter your being." It was as if a knife had been shoved into my chest, twisting and turning in the un-beating organ that lay there. "I can't…" My jaws clenched as I shook my head. "I can't – "

"Shh…." Within seconds, Bella closed the gap between us. Her breath, that once fluttered over my skin now ceased as her lips collided with mine.

Salt.

It assaulted my tongue, my lips… I tasted her sadness – her agony once again. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I found myself pulling her closer to me, melting against her heat.

The bed gave way beneath my knees as I gently placed her back down onto it, climbing in beside of her. "Bella, we can't go any further now. I can't risk hurting you again."

She sniffled once and nodded against my chest, burying her face into my cold, marble-like flesh. "Don't leave me, then."

It was almost as if my heart had fluttered, clenching in pain at her words. "I won't," I choked out, pulling her to me. Her arms and legs wrapped around my body, clinging to me tightly as if to keep me here with her forever. And I would… I would stay with her like his forever. "Go to sleep, my love," I whispered in her ear. "I won't leave your side." Her grip tightened around me, hugging me to her even more as she buried her face into the crook of my neck. I could feel her warm tears gliding across my skin. My fingers threaded through the soft tendrils of her hair, holding her to me as tightly as I could without hurting her. Her heart pounded wildly against my chest as if to make my own heart burst to life and join her song. "I'll stay with you forever, Bella."

"Forever," she murmured before her eyes fluttered close.

-

-

The soft fluttering of her steady heartbeat sped rapidly beneath her chest. I glanced down to the top of her head as she slept over me. Her body jerked slightly and I felt her small hand clench and unclench the sheet around us.

"Bella," I whispered, my fingers softly running through her hair. A light sheen of sweat began to bead over her fair skin. She shivered at my touch; a soft whimper escaping her lips as she furrowed her brow in concentration. I didn't fight the impulse to pull her closer to me.

Nightmares.

So many times, I stood only a few feet away, watching her dream of the ghosts that seemed to always haunt her, kissing away her tears when she would awake. Frightened.

"Edward has nothing to do with this…" she mumbled, wrapping her arms around me even more.

I stilled.

"No…" she cried.

Panic seemed to stir within my gut. I knew exactly what my love was reliving. "Bella, wake up," I whispered again, pressing my hands more firmly over the bare skin of her back. "Love, wake –"

"No Edward! Don't!"

I watched in shock as her body bolted into a sitting position; my grasp completely loosened from her form. Her hair was askew, her eyes wild.

My hands reached out to hold her to me once more. "Bella. Bella, it's alright."

More breathing. I tightened my grip around her arms as my entire body went still. I could hear rustling and the soft thud of footsteps.

Charlie.

"Bella, lie down," I commanded softly, pulling the sheets up around her naked form and insisting that she close her eyes. "I'll be back."

My lips met her skin briefly and before the doorknob even turned, I was standing in her closet, watching as Charlie walked into the room.

"Bella?" he whispered, walking towards her.

She looked up at him through tear-filled eyes, rubbing them tiredly, and doing her best to keep the tears at bay. The fear that etched her face was undeniable but Charlie made no attempt to ask her about her nightmare. From what I could tell, this wasn't the first time he had awoken to the sounds of her screams. "Sorry, dad. Bad dream," she muttered, ducking her head to hide her glistening eyes.

"S'alright, kid." He stood there, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he shifted slightly from one foot to the next. _Should I sit with her? Hug her even?_

Charlie never noticed it, but the tightening of Bella's jaw signified the pain she was enduring from his thoughts. My fists clenched at my sides as I tried to fight off the urge to run to her.

"You need anything?" Still he was awkward, not knowing how to approach the situation. After so many times of trying to take care of her when I had disappeared, he still didn't know if what he was doing was the right thing. And for that, I loathed myself even more.

"I'm fine." Her voice was weak, trembling. "Go back to bed, dad."

He sighed and brought his hand down to rest on his hip. "Alright. Get some sleep, Bells."

I could have been counting years for how long it took him to leave her. A soft "love you" echoed through the air before he finally shut her door.

My arms were around her shaking form within seconds as the tears poured down her face. "Shh… It's okay, Bella. I'm here now. It's going to be alright."

I tucked her head beneath my chin. My fingers softly massaged the back of her head, mussing the soft waves of her hair. She clutched herself to me, sobbing into the stone-like flesh of my chest. And I held her, rocking her soothingly, humming her lullaby close to her ear. I gathered several locks of her chocolate hair within my hand and nuzzled my face down into the warm bed of silk, breathing in her scent deeply. Freesias. Warmth. My arm tightened around her small waist as I felt her hot tears slip down my chest.

For an hour we stayed that way. I didn't push her to tell me what she dreamt of, even though I had a good inclination as to what it was about. But never in all my life had I wished to be able to read her mind as I did in this moment.

Finally, the tears dried completely, the sobs turning into soft breathing. Still, she clung to me, burying her face into the crook of my neck.

"Bella," I whispered, my hand moving from her waist to lightly rub small circles across her back. "Please tell me what you dreamt of, love."

A soft sniffle echoed from below my ear and I hugged her to me just a little tighter. She squeezed back, but then began to pull away. I let her go, watching her move into a sitting position as she pulled the sheet up to cover her chest. Even with the intensity of the situation, she still blushed. I smiled my crooked grin and reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. My hand cupped the side of her face and I watched, stunned, as her eyes fluttered close and she leaned into my touch.

After a few moments, she sighed heavily and opened her eyes, staring off towards the wall. Unseeing. "I dreamt of the night at the ballet studio." Her voice was hoarse from the many tears she cried over my skin. "I dreamt of James attacking me." Her chin trembled with unshed tears and I quickly adjusted myself to sit in front of her. I wanted to ease her pain, to take away everything bad that had happened to her since I entered her life. I wanted to bring James back to his undead form and rip his head off again and again for what he had done to her. But I couldn't. So I sat there in silence and watched her break in front of my very eyes.

"He was threatening to hurt you, and…" A stray tear slid down her cheek. Her mouth moved as if speaking but no words broke free.

My stomach clenched. "Bella," I whispered, gently turning her face so that I could look into her brown depths. I couldn't help but smile – a sad, small grin. "Silly girl. Nothing is going to happen to me and nothing happened to me that night."

"No," she whimpered, two more tears slipping down her skin. "But something happened to me, didn't it? And in a way it did affect you. Maybe not physically, but… you were hurt."

The memory of James sinking his teeth into Bella's flesh, made me tremble with rage. The utter fear and pain that I felt in that moment almost rivaled the excruciating three days of my transformation into the world of the undead. I shut my eyes tightly, desperately trying to rid away the horrified screams that ripped through Bella's mouth as the venom coursed through her system.

When I finally opened my eyes, she seemed to be just as lost in the memory as I was. Slowly, I reached down to take her hand in mine, my fingers lightly tracing the crescent scar.

"Sometimes, that's the only part I dream about," she told me, nodding her head towards our joined hands. "The bite."

I glanced up to look at her face and what I saw in her eyes were several emotions colliding into each other at once. Pain. Fear. Guilt. Love. Sorrow. Comfort. All feelings that I had some part in causing. I frowned, thinking about what she had said. "Do you dream about this a lot?"

"Not every night, but often."

My fingers still traced patterns over her hand and I breathed out an audible sigh.

"What?" she asked, tilting her head to me. "Does that mean something?"

"It could. I'll have to tell Carlisle about it. Well, that is if Alice hasn't already foreseen this," I smirked.

Bella nodded and slowly turned to lie back down. I followed her lead and wrapped her in my arms once more, feeling content with the way her body pressed into mine. She was made to fit against me, as I was to her. My fingers tangled into her hair once more as she snuggled into my chest. I breathed in her scent deeply and began to hum her lullaby, finally releasing an inaudible sigh of relief when she finally drifted back to sleep.

-

-

It was Monday. The sun had already risen behind the cloudy skies of Forks and Charlie had come in to check on Bella at least three times before finally leaving.

I sat in the rocking chair across her room, watching her sleep soundlessly. Her chest would rise and fall with each breath and for once she seemed to be at peace. What Bella had revealed to me last night about her dreams bothered me more than it should. Could they have any connection to her sudden mindreading capability? I didn't know. But I knew I needed to relay the information to Carlisle.

Deciding that Bella was in a deep enough sleep to not be awakened anytime soon, I silently slipped through her bedroom door and into the hallway.

Plucking the cell phone from my back pocket, I dialed the familiar number, still listening for the sound of Bella's steady breathing. The phone didn't even ring twice.

"I knew it would be you," Alice chirped. "And about damn time too. I was about send Jazz and Emmett after you."

I snorted. "Thanks, Alice. I love you too."

Her musical laugh filtered through my ear and a pained smile graced my lips. As much as I depended upon being with Bella, I still missed my family. Especially my pixie haired little sister.

"Emmett says that he's glad to know you grew a pair and showed yourself to Bella," she teased. "But I just told him, that I always knew you would show yourself eventually. You just needed some time."

I grumbled something obscene about Emmett's comment, which only caused more laughter from Alice's end. "I'm glad too, you know." Her voice was suddenly more somber. Serious. "She really needed you."

"I know," I sighed, leaning up against the wall. "Which is why I'm calling. I need to speak to Carlisle."

"About the nightmares?"

"Yes. Do you know what they mean?"

I could almost hear her shaking her head. "No, Edward, I don't. I keep trying to see more of Bella's future, but it's just blurred fragments. It's too disorganized right now. Oh… here comes Carlisle."

I straightened up then, pressing the phone closer to my ear. "Thanks, Alice and – Alice?"

Silence met me through the other line. An eerie sort of silence. "Alice? Are you still there?"

There was a small gasp, before I heard her voice. "Stay close to her, Edward."

Her voice was off, almost distant. I knew then that she had had a vision. "Alice, what do you mean – "

"Edward?"

I stopped midsentence, ready to punch a hole through the wall. "Carlisle, where did she go? What did she mean by that?"

"Edward, I don't understand," Carlisle's voice was firm yet calm. I hated that I couldn't be as composed as he was.

"Alice. She had a vision… I think. It was about Bella."

"Hmm… I'll inquire on it when we're done. She just left the room."

"Dammit," I cursed softly, pinching the bridge of my nose tightly. "Listen, I talked to Bella last night –"

"Yes, Alice mentioned the nightmares to me just before you called. Is she having them frequently?"

I sighed once again in frustration and lowered the phone down while shutting my eyes tightly. "Why do I bother calling?" Bringing the phone back up, I spoke rapidly to Carlisle about the reoccurring nightmare and how sometimes she only dreamt about certain aspects. I even explained the severity of her mindreading and the pain that seemed to accompany it.

"Edward…" There was a long pause before he spoke again, which only seemed to fray my nerves even more. "I don't know what it means, but it does concern me that she's experiencing pain when she hears thoughts."

"I know." I hoped my voice didn't show the infinitesimal amount of panic that I felt, but I knew of all people, he would hear it.

"I'll call you later when we've figured out more information."

Just then, a small groan came from within Bella's room and I hastily ended my conversation with Carlisle, frustrated that I didn't get anywhere closer to discovering what was truly wrong with her.

She was sitting up, rubbing her eyes as I entered her room. Her hair was styled in my favorite way. A haystack.

"Good morning," I murmured, gently sitting on the edge of her bed.

She stared at me blankly and I wondered if there was something that I had done wrong. But before I had a chance to ask her that, she flung her arms around me with such ferocity that I initially stilled beneath her grasp. "You stayed!" she cried out, hugging me tightly.

I chuckled, relaxing enough to pull her into my lap. "Of course I stayed, you silly girl. How could I leave you now?"

I watched as she pulled away, a pained smile tugging at her lips. "For a moment, I thought this was all a dream. I woke up and you weren't here, so…"

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry," I whispered, cupping her face gently in my hands. She stared longingly into my eyes and for a moment I was lost in her brown depths. My Bella… I was finally back with my love. "I only stepped outside to call Carlisle. I didn't think you would wake up before I came back."

"Did he know anything?" she asked, nervously picking at a loose thread that snaked its way out of the purple quilt.

"Nothing new. He said he would look into it further."

Bella nodded and looked down. Her face blushed a furious crimson as her eyes shot up to meet mine. At first, I didn't understand what she could have possibly been so embarrassed about until she clutched the sheet to her bare chest. I chuckled a deep throaty laugh and winked playfully at her. "You don't have to hide from me, Bella."

"Easy for you to say," she muttered before nestling back down under the covers. "What time is it anyway?"

"Ten thirty," I answered, grinning down at her. "Charlie came in a few times to check on you this morning. He left a note for you on the kitchen table, explaining that he called the school to say you would be absent for the day. He also left a plate of soggy eggs for your breakfast, but I wouldn't recommend eating them."

She laughed at my sour expression. Truly laughed, and it warmed my heart to hear those musical notes. As her laughter calmed down, she rubbed a hand over her face tiredly. "I should probably take a shower."

I nodded, getting up to let her move more freely. "Bella?" I asked, standing by her window, uncertain of whether I should even broach this subject.

When I turned around, she was looking at me from her closet; another ratty t-shirt in her hands. "Yes?"

I contemplated on what to say to her, as images of she and Jacob's kiss flashed through my mind. Instinctively, she flinched and I instantly regretted letting myself loose control of my thoughts. "Bella, I'm –"

"No." She stopped me by holding up a hand and shaking her head. "I think I almost deserved that, so don't apologize."

I furrowed my brow and waited to hear her explain whatever she felt necessary. Not that I thought she had done something wrong, but it still sparked a twinge of jealously in me whenever I thought about her with the mutt. Again, how could I blame her? I left. And again, it was my fault.

Bella noisily waddled towards the bed, trying her best to not trip over the sheet that she clutched so tightly to her small frame. She let out a heavy "huff" as she sat down. "I thought I saw you that night, looking at me in the woods. I missed you so much and I was sure I was going absolutely insane. Jacob was the only one who could understand what I was… well, he was the only one here, who knew about my problem." She ruffled her hair nervously and shook her head again. "I don't know what I was thinking. I guess, I just missed… the physical contact. I'd been numb for so long and I just… wanted to _feel_."

God, how I hated myself even more for allowing her to feel this way. I frowned and clenched my fists, hoping she wouldn't notice. But because she's Bella, and she notices things about me that not even my family did, she saw the anger that I felt towards myself. And heaven help me, she stood up and wrapped her arms around me, softly resting her chin on my shoulder. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it. Her comforting me, when I was the one that needed to spend the rest of eternity groveling to her for what I had done.

"What happened between me and Jacob was a mistake. I know he probably showed you our kiss with his thoughts. But what he didn't show you was me pushing him away. He didn't show you that he also tried to force himself on me again." Her voice was almost so quiet; a human would have never heard it. A low grow rumbled through my chest.

"He stopped though," she added quickly. "But still, you need to know that even though I did initially kiss him back, it meant nothing. It was nice at first," she said, pulling away to look into my eyes, which I'm sure were turning blacker by the second. Still, she never waivered. "But it wasn't… you." She frowned then, lowering her gaze and again I had to strain to hear her next words. "I'm sorry I hurt you in that way." I watched as her pale fingers idly picked at my shirt. What she said next nearly knocked me to the ground. "Please don't leave me again." Her shoulders shuddered with quiet sobs and instantly I lifted her face up so that she could see the truth in my eyes.

"I was so very stupid and selfish for leaving you," I whispered, softly stroking her tears away. "You're my heart, Bella. When I'm with you, I feel alive again. And when I left… there was nothing. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping you safe from me, but I was wrong. Without you, I can't survive."

Her small hand fisted into the material of my shirt, bringing me closer to her until our foreheads touched. And I repeated words to her that I had said so long ago. "You are my life now."

The warmth of her lips met my own. I pulled her to me, tangling my hands in her brown tresses as she parted her lips for me. I sucked on her bottom lip, eliciting a small groan from her mouth.

It was then, that the soft ringing of Bella's cell phone echoed throughout the room. I growled in protest, still kissing my way from her lips to her jaw. She giggled and swatted me away as she stumbled towards the fowl noise. I caught her around the waist before she could trip over the bed sheet and snatched the phone, which had been lying on her dresser. I furrowed my brow at the unrecognizable number while Bella tried to see who it was. After many "let me see!" remarks, I finally handed her the phone, carefully listening in while she said hello.

"Hi, Bella! It's Mike. I got your number from Angela. So how are feeling? We heard you were sick."

I nearly choked on my own laughter as Bella's eyes widened. "Uh… hi, Mike."

Not possibly being able to give this up, I held out my hand towards the phone. Bella looked at me and shook her head. "No!" she whispered. "No one knows you're back."

"They will soon enough." With that, I snatched the phone away from her while swiftly throwing her over my shoulder and grabbing her clean clothes all at once. "Newton. Glad you called."

"Put me down!" Bella hissed as I carried her out of her room and towards the bathroom.

Ignoring her protests, I indulged in the shocked silence on the other line. "Did you need something?" I asked casually, gently setting Bella down in front of the shower. She proceeded to glare at me while I put her clothes on the sink and turned to switch the hot water on.

"Uh… Cullen?" Mike asked, completely dumbfounded. I could only imagine the astonished look on his face and instantly smirked.

"Yes, it's _Cullen_. Now, like I said, _Newton_, was there something you needed?"

Bella stomped her foot, ready to say something before I winked at her and shut the door as I backed out into the hallway.

He stuttered for a minute or two and I found that I was enjoying this far more than I should have. "Uh… well, I just… uh…"

"Edward!" Bella shrieked. Chuckling, I cracked the door open enough to poke my head through and grinned at her. "Shower. Now."

She opened her mouth again, but I quickly shut the door. "Well, sorry to interrupt your thinking process there, Newton, but I really need to go. Please don't call Bella by this number again."

By the time I flipped her phone shut, Bella had flung the door open. Her face was flushed with irritation as she narrowed her eyes, clearly fuming. It was absolutely adorable.

"What is your problem?" she asked incredulously.

"What? I thought you didn't like him," I shrugged. "Do you want breakfast?"

My question caught her off guard and she blinked hard before answering me. "Are _you_ making me breakfast?"

"Depends. Are you going to complain some more?"

She narrowed her eyes once again before closing the door in my already amused face. "Maybe."

Fifteen minutes later, Bella was downstairs, clothed and looking more refreshed than I had seen her. I placed a plate of freshly made eggs and bacon on the table just as she sat down. She sniffed the food cautiously before poking the eggs with her fork.

"I can cook, you know," I teased, setting down a glass of orange juice for her.

She smiled up at me before instantly shoving a forkful of food into her small mouth. "Hmmm…" she hummed, closing her eyes. "This is good."

I laughed and was about to sit down in my usual seat when a smell so foul, so putrid, invaded my senses. My hands fisted around the edge of the table, threatening to splinter the wood.

I could hear the clang of Bella's fork as it hit her plate but I hardly paid attention. "What is it?" she asked, her voice alarmed. "Edward?"

Before I could answer her, I whirled around to face the window, my eyes narrowing at the figure across the street. I could see the smugness on his face from where I stood and it only fueled my desire to rip his head off.

The reflection that shown through the window, no longer portrayed me as the caring soul that Bella loved. Pitch black eyes embedded in a sickening sea of white as the hint of bronze flames rose high above them reflected menacingly.

Bella's heart sped up sporadically as she slowly inched towards me. Here was the monster. Here was the atrocity that I had become. And now I wanted nothing more than to rip my enemy from limb to limb.

"Jacob."

-

-

**A/N**: Dun, dun, dun... *snort* I have a feeling you all will be dying to read the next update soon. Because why? All that fuzzy, angsty stuff from this update just flew right out the window. Yeah... we're evil like that ;)

Oh yeah, and you probably know that there were 3 lines in particular that are NOT mine, but Stephenie Meyer's. I could look up where in the book they're from, but it's way too damn early and I'm just lazy. So yeah... haha. Hope you all enjoyed the update! :D


	14. Clash of the Titans

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Only two things I need to note before you start reading... okay, I lied. There are three things I need to note:

1) There is background music that goes along with Bella's POV. If you would like to listen to it while you read, you can find the link in my profile.

2) This piece of genius was written by my co-author, kalejay. She's freakin' brilliant!

3) INTENSE CHAPTER WARNING.

Alright, if you think you can handle it... proceed. ;)

-

-

**Chapter 14: Clash of the Titans**

Edward's POV:

Bella's fingers tightened around my arm and she stood up beside me. Her wordless stare was fixed on me but I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. As long as that _dog_ stood out there he would be my target, never to leave my sight. One wrong move and I would tear him to pieces. I almost begged him to take just_ one_ step closer to the house to try to steal my love away again. _My_ love.

A snapping sound turned both our heads downward. The corner of the table had cracked beneath my grasp after all. A sharp anxious sigh escaped Bella's lips and she shook her head pleadingly. "Edward, don't," she cringed. It was impossible to keep my thoughts away from her. My violent intentions for the mutt was the only thing that flooded my mind.

For Bella's sake, I kept myself grounded to the kitchen floor as she left me to open the front door. As it swung open, the mongrel's putrid scent wafted into the house, almost making me gag. I watched her as she walked out onto the porch and stare at Jacob as he stood immobile and drenched across the street. Did he not own a single t-shirt?! "Jake? What are you doing?" she asked loudly over the sound of the shower that continued pounding down. It was over twelve hours since the rain started to fall and it had not eased up in the least.

There was no reply except for in my mind... Bella winced... In _our_ minds: _He's in there, isn't he?_ The hostility in Jacob's thoughts angered me and it was impossible for me to keep holding my ground. In a flash, I stepped out onto the porch behind her, revealing myself to him. Wrapping my arms possessively around my Bella, I pulled her backward into my chest. Leaning my head down to hers, I kissed her temple as her head was undoubtedly pounding from hearing his thoughts. I never looked away from my foul-smelling enemy who stood forty feet away. Even the rain could not wash away his stench.

His eyes narrowed as soon as he saw me, his fists balled tightly. "So, you had the guts after all, huh? Well, that's just great," Jacob muttered sarcastically.

"Sorry to ruin your plans, pup," I spat in reply, feeling the anger boiling up within myself.

Bella turned to look up at me, her brows drawn tight into a pinch, then threw an accusing glare back at Jacob once she assessed our brief exchange. "Wait... You _knew_ Edward was back?! You knew and you still went ahead and..." she trailed off, shaking her head.

"He's not looking out for you, Bella... only for himself," I mumbled, my lips brushing back again across her temple.

Jacob shook his head and turned his eyes to Bella. "I'm not the bad guy, Bells. I just want to give you what you deserve." His eyes narrowed and returned to mine. "Happiness."

My grasp tightened around her. _Mine._

Bella sighed, squeezing her hands over my forearms. "Jake, I told you -- "

"Give it up already!" I growled at him, interrupting her. "Why are you even here, Jacob? Can't you take a hint when someone pushes you off of them?"

His smug grin slightly faltered. _She told him about that?_

It was my turn to sport the smugness. Finally releasing my grasp from around Bella's body, I began to walk around her. I took one step down toward the driveway before Bella reached out for me, stopping me by hooking her fingers in the crook of my elbow. "Edward..." she said, her beautiful brown eyes pleading with mine. For a split-second I forgot about Jacob as her beauty mesmerized me. A crooked smile managed to grace my lips and I pulled her body against my chest, slowly reeling her lips to mine. Her soft wet lips radiated a devastating warmth against my mouth.

Let him watch. Let him know that she wanted _me_. She wouldn't push _me_ away.

I stepped back up to the top of the porch and held her against me even harder, letting our kiss deepen.

_Mine._

Her small hands balled the front of my shirt into her palms and I felt her tug me toward herself as she took a step backward toward the front door. As her lips parted from mine, she whispered a desperate request that I could almost not deny: "Let's go back inside. Please. Just let this go, Edward." She raised herself up on the tips of her toes, combing her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and kissed the edge of my jaw. "Please, Edward," she whispered again.

I had to hand it to her, putting on as much of a show for the dog as I was, hoping to discourage him into leaving. I noticed as her anxious gaze landed briefly on Jacob. She tried taking another step back with me, but I wouldn't budge any further. As tempting as it was to just go back inside and simply enjoy being with my reclaimed love, the itch to put Jacob in his place needed to be scratched.

Bella snaked her arms around to my lower back and locked her fingers together, pleading me with her eyes to avoid any further conflict. I nudged her chin upward with my index finger and sighed as she bit her lower lip that had begun to tremble. How could I resist her? I would do anything for my Bella... but Jacob's irritating thoughts continued to ring through my mind, taunting me.

He scoffed as he watched our affectionate exchanges, making me turn toward him, my eyes blackening.

"She's never gonna to truly forgive you for leaving her, you know," Jacob muttered dryly. "Kiss her all you want, but it will always be in the back of her mind that you're going to leave her again one day."

A furious growl ripped from my throat and I pulled away completely from Bella, charging down the steps toward the insolent dog who kept wearing an irritating grin that I intended to rip from his face.

"Jake, shut up!" Bella fumed, struggling without success to keep me in her grasp. "Edward!" she tried beckoning me to return.

The desperation in her voice stilled me at the edge of the driveway instead of inches from him as I had planned to be. I glared at Jacob from directly across the street. "She's right. Apparently you just don't know when to shut your mouth," I rasped through the pounding rain.

He only widened his smile and tried to irritate me by once again replaying the memory of their kiss, but I scoffed at his pathetic attempt to offend me. Jacob really didn't know when to quit.

My eyes glistened, black as onyx as I smiled back at my enemy, showing him a flash of teeth. "I bet you enjoyed kissing her, didn't you, dog?" I uttered, suddenly more than eager to feed him a taste of his own medicine. "You think you know what she tasted like? You have no idea, _Jacob Black_," I spat his name vehemently, disgusted with the mutt before me. Stilling my movements, I slowly raised my fingers to my face, breathing in heavily as my eyes rolled back into my skull. When I spoke, my voice was possessive, dangerous. "You have no idea what she _tasted_ like."

A blanket of bright red passed through my mind and I smiled sardonically at the color of Jacob's rage. My eyes opened in time to watch the grin finally fall from his expression. I took extreme pleasure in his horror.

_You let that monster... touch you?!_ Jacob directed his thought at Bella with disgust. Images of sensuality between Bella and I were raping his mind despite himself, and his entire being began shaking with fury.

My eyes darted behind me to look at Bella, and her expression of embarrassment confirmed Jacob's inquiry. I watched her with a boastful smile, selfishly enjoying her reaction simply for the pain it caused the mutt. I lingered on her for a millisecond too long, and it was my only mistake. As soon as my gaze returned to Jacob, the only thing I saw was the large open jaws of a giant russet wolf coming at me.

~*~*~*~

Bella's POV:

The embarrassment of confirming the intimacy between Edward and I to Jacob was quickly abolished and replaced with fear. In a fraction of a second, Jacob had transformed into a giant wolf in mid-air. His clothing had exploded off his body, torn to pieces and went flying, only to be battered to the ground by the violent rain. The animal he had become was about three times the normal size it should be, hostile and full of fury. The perverse image of what had just occurred before my eyes paralyzed me, and it was only when I saw that the wolf's enormous muzzle had locked its fangs around Edward's shoulder that a blood-curdling scream found it's way past my lips.

I watched in horror, as Edward whipped his free arm violently against wolf-Jacob's neck, clenching a fistful of his course fur and flinging him aside like he weighed no more than a small dog. I cringed as the sound of a painful whine escaped from Jacob's mouth. His claws dug into the ground, raking long grooves into the wet soil, stopping himself before he smashed into a tree across the road. I held my breath as I was once again shocked into paralysis.

My eyes whipped back to Edward, worried about the extent of his injuries. The fabric of his shirt was torn but he didn't seem to be as mangled as one would expect the jaws of a wolf would inflict. He was crouched low to the ground with a fierceness in his eyes that I had never seen before. He was as much of an animal in mannerism as Jacob was in form. It was primal and dark... and it terrified me.

With his ears laying back flat against his head, a low snarl ripped from Jacob's lips as they curled back over his teeth, the sound of it gradually climbing into a louder rumble that was accentuated by a clap of thunder. I looked at Edward and back to the wolf that was Jacob, unsure of who was the stronger creature, and fearing for them both. The everlasting storm pounded on, thundering loudly as if ringing in another round to this insane brawl. Two pairs of eyes were locked on each other from one side of the road to the other, each competitor crouched low to the ground, preparing to attack.

"That one was free, dog," Edward hissed. "Try that again and next time I won't toss you as gently."

_Gently?! _That had been _gently?!_

I gripped the cold metal banister beside me tightly in my fist, unsure of what to do or say. The terror of this confrontation froze me. I felt so helpless. What could I possibly do to stop this insanity? "Don't." It was the only word that managed to escape my lips, but my voice was lost inside the pounding rain and rumbling sky, and my simple plea was left unheard or ignored.

The giant wolf took a step forward with his large paws and I whimpered at the sight of the long sharp claws protruding from them. I imagined them slicing across Edward's chest, ripping though his neck and pinning him to the wet soil. The pain of it stunned me as I realized it was not only my worries, it was what Jacob was currently thinking about doing.

"Just go ahead and try it, mutt. I dare you," Edward snarled.

Edward was replying to Jacob's plans and I realized that he would always be one step ahead of him, but I still couldn't take too much comfort in that. I didn't want either of them getting hurt. My heart pounded furiously, I tried to ignore the searing pain in my head as I stared at the gap between Edward and Jacob, wracking my brain for some way to stop the conflict.

Before I could blink, the nightmare took a turn for the worse. Leaping out of his crouched position, Edward flung himself at Jacob almost quicker than I could see it happen. The sound of his body slamming into Jacob's was like lightening striking the ground. I could even feel the ground move beneath my feet. He hit him with such force that they were both thrown into the forest beyond the thick blanket of evergreens and I panicked when they both disappeared from my view.

"Edward!!" I yelled after them, my heart racing within my chest.

Another roll of thunder sounded and I took off running down the front steps and onto the driveway. The rain pummeled into me from every angle, sharp and strong like a million pins striking my flesh, soaking me instantly. I caught a glimpse of the tops of a few trees beyond the edge of the forest swaying as if something had knocked into it forcefully and I gasped as another loud canine whine flooded the air around me.

My anxiety quickly accelerated, I crossed the street without looking and darted into the forest where Edward and Jacob had disappeared, frantically searching for them but terrified of what I would find. Clumsily, I ran off the beaten path following the trail of destruction of broken trees and uprooted plants... and the sound... the sound of wild animals fighting. A sound any normal person would have run away from, not toward. My blood ran cold, and as sick as it sounded, I knew that as long as I heard that sound, I knew that both of them were still alive.

"Edward!" I called out again, gasping for a breath. How far into the forest had they gotten?! I swiped at the wet hair that was plastered to my forehead and hanging into my eyes, and continued running. It was only a matter of time before my feet betrayed me, and I stumbled over a raised tree root, landing knees first into a muddy puddle. The wind knocked out of me and I let out a pathetic cry as I planted my palms against the muddy earth to push myself back up. The sound of the confrontation was suddenly louder and I froze as I heard a deafening cracking of wood followed by a powerful thud that shook the forest floor. A strong brush of wind made me gasp and I turned around to see that a sycamore had toppled over, no, been_ knocked _over, not ten feet from where I stood.

Four heavy paws thudded against the ground behind me, making me turn around again at the sound, and there stood Jacob panting heavily beside the very top of the tree.

_Bella..._

I cringed at the sound of his voice and a tear fell from my eye, invisible against the rain already streaming down it. "Where's Edward?!" I screamed at him in a panic, fearing the worst.

Another loud thud behind me whipped me back around. Teeth bared and clothes ripped to shreds, Edward stood about fifty or sixty feet away at the base of the fallen sycamore. My relief was brief.

Jacob's glance quickly shifted from me to Edward. He arched his back and ruffled his fur, shaking the rain out of it before his lips peeled back off his teeth. But this wasn't a snarl, it was a tactless grin.

_Missed me!_ Jacob's insolent tone flooded my mind.

Edward narrowed his eyes into slits. "I've given you plenty of chances to run away with your tail between your legs. This is my last one," Edward's voice boomed. "You might as well give up now, dog. She'll never love you back," he added spitefully.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

With a violent snap, Jacob tore off a large branch from the top of the fallen sycamore and held it firmly between his jaws, starring at Edward with daggers in his eyes. His fangs splintered the bark, sending chills down my spine.

The fear of what was going to happen next sent the adrenaline pumping violently through me, causing my legs to throw me into a sprint. I was directly in the center of the ring in the second the branch left Jacob's jaws -- exactly when I realized the stupidity of what I had done. In hind sight it was obvious that I couldn't do anything to protect Edward. He didn't _need_ my protection, but my instincts had flung me forward nonetheless.

The weapon was headed straight for me. I instinctively raised my arms in front of my face to shield myself, and I braced for the impact. I heard the crack of the wood splintering to pieces as it made contact, but I never felt it. My eyes opened to find Edward in front of me, holding half the branch is his palm. The other half was laying in front of me on the ground. I stared, dumbfounded, thankful that he had saved me from myself yet again.

"You're alright," Edward assured, his eyes black and wild. "Stay here," he added calmly, his voice contradicting his expression, and turned toward Jacob.

Despite his wolf form, I saw a look of worry on Jacob's features as he stared at me.

_Oh, God, Bella... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to --_

I gasped as Edward whipped the remaining piece of the branch like a javelin in Jacob's direction. It split directly through the center of a redwood beside Jacob like a perfectly cast arrow. Jacob tensed, his eyes narrowed as he returned to a defensive stance. Edward bend down to pick up the other half of the branch, then slowly began to approach him.

"_You're_ better for her? Is that what you think? You nearly _killed_ her!" Edward hissed.

_I was aiming for you!_

"Well now so am I, and this time, I _won't_ miss." _I'm going to finish off this insolent mongrel once and for all._

Edward stalked around Jacob with the branch raised in his arm, both of them growling as I stood unable to fully concentrate on what was going on.

Just then, as abruptly as it had began, the rain suddenly stopped. The thundering sky and violent rapping of the rain had ceased, and every sound was muted, making an eerie calm that ripped both Edward and Jacob out of their clash like a spell had been lifted.

It was peaceful... save for the agonizing pain their voices had caused in my head.

Every word, every syllable, had felt like a knife slicing through my brain. Shocked at the intensity of the pain it caused, I gasped and my legs gave way, making me stumble forward. The heels of my palms came crashing down against the ground, but the sharp pain of small stones and splintered wood embedding themselves into my hands couldn't compare to the fire burning in my mind.

A shrill piercing sound that broke the silence scared me. When I realized it was a scream ripping from my lungs, 'petrified' would be a tame description of how I felt.

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**A/N #2**: I will do my best to update ASAP for you all! ;) We thank you so much for your reviews last time. You guys are seriously awesome and we hope you enjoyed this update :D


	15. Save Me

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Thank you all so much for the reviews on that last update! You guys are awesome :D

Also, I want to apologize for the long wait for this one. I had a minor life crisis occur and it sort of limited my time to be able to write anything - hence the reason this update isn't as long as the others in the past. But I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. And you know me and my background music. You can find the link in my profile ;)

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_Previously:_

_Just then, as abruptly as it had began, the rain suddenly stopped. The thundering sky and violent rapping of the rain had ceased, and every sound was muted, making an eerie calm that ripped both Edward and Jacob out of their clash like a spell had been lifted._

_It was peaceful... save for the agonizing pain their voices had caused in my head._

_Every word, every syllable, had felt like a knife slicing through my brain. Shocked at the intensity of the pain it caused, I gasped and my legs gave way, making me stumble forward. The heels of my palms came crashing down against the ground, but the sharp pain of small stones and splintered wood embedding themselves into my hands couldn't compare to the fire burning in my mind._

_A shrill piercing sound that broke the silence scared me. When I realized it was a scream ripping from my lungs, 'petrified' would be a tame description of how I felt._

_

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_

**Chapter 15: Save Me**

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Edward's POV:

The rough bark only barely poked into my skin as I held the tree limb high above me. There was nothing but me and my enemy. Nothing ran through my mind, except for the image of spearing the wood through his russet colored fur. I wanted to see the blood spew forth. I wanted to taste his death in the air.

And then there was light. Calm. Silence.

Jacob relaxed his muscles minutely and slid his eyes from side to side. No longer was the rain pouring down. No longer were droplets of crystal pounding the earth. I glanced up towards the trees and the smallest amount of sunlight broke through, its rays illuminating my skin. And the forest was filled with the light of a thousand small diamonds ricocheting from the raindrops that still clung to every blade of grass and every leaf that hung in the highest canopy.

It was the calm after the storm.

I glanced back at Jacob and saw the fear in his eyes as he stared past me.

I didn't have to guess at what he was seeing. Every pained image of Bella's form transferred from his mind to mine. I saw her hands clutch the sides of her face. Her eyes squeezed shut as she dropped to her knees. The edge of her chin quivered and I felt my heart plummet as her mouth opened.

The scream that echoed throughout the forest nearly had me collapse on the ground. I felt all the power drain from my body as I turned to see her crumpled form, rolling from side to side in the dirt as she grasped her head in agony.

"Bella…" I began to move forward, cringing as I felt my enemy sweep past me.

Anger rose in me again. I could taste the bile in my mouth as I watched his human, naked form drop to the ground beside of my love.

I was beside him in less than a second. My nails dug into his skin and I took pleasure at the pained hiss that escaped his mouth as I yanked him back. Black eyes met brown as I stepped in dangerously close, both of us wrinkling our noses in disgust.

"Get. Out." I seethed, baring my teeth.

He glared at me, his jaws clenched. "But Bella's in pain – "

"I'll take care of her, mutt." Never did I once take my eyes away from his as I gripped his shoulder, feeling the bones crack beneath my grasp, and launched him through the air. A thunderous clap echoed throughout the woods as his body hit the dirtied ground. He stared up at me, fire blazing in his eyes. "Your clothes are by the road," I hissed. "You're no longer welcome here, Jacob Black."

_One day I'll kill you, leech._

Jacob's thoughts only heightened the pitch in Bella's cries. A deafening growl burst through my lips as I turned my attention back to him, daring him to try to start something now. Let him try to get to me when Bella was in serious need of help.

My warning was apparent in my eyes as he instantly cowered and took off running towards the main highway.

"Edward! Ed… Oh God!" The agony in my love's voice shattered my being with the sounds of her pleas.

"Bella!" I was beside of her instantly, already kneeling down and reaching for her hands. She tossed and turned relentlessly, her fingers gripping her hair and pulling strands of the beautiful chocolate tresses from her head. A scream ripped through her lips, piercing my heart painfully.

"Bella, I'm right here!" I called out, trying to reach her mind. "Bella!" My hands shot to her wrists as tiny rivulets of blood streamed down her fair skin from her constant tugging. My nostrils flared but I wouldn't allow the monster to take over. Nothing would stop me from saving her now. "Bella, stop! Love, I'm right here."

Tears mixed in with the crimson streams that stained her pale skin. I instantly scooped her up in my arms, holding her close to my chest.

And I ran.

I ran as fast as I could, not even feeling the leaves that brushed against my face, nor Bella's arms hitting me repeatedly against my chest as her body convulsed in my grasp. My eyes stared blankly ahead and all I could think of was getting her back to her home. I couldn't allow my thoughts to wander to the darker corners of my mind. And as I raced through the trees, all I could do was whisper my love for her over and over, allowing the wind to carry the words through the air.

"Don't leave me, Bella. I love you. Please don't leave me."

~*~*~*~

Bella's POV:

Static. Voices garbled into one massive whirlwind. It was all I could hear. And the pain… surely my ears were bleeding by now. They had to be. The amplified sound that stabbed my body from every angle sent a wave of sharp pain through me. It was as if a shard of glass was shredding my scalp, breaking through the skin, bone, and the soft tissue of my brain.

It had to stop. I had to end this agony. My fingers gripped onto my hair, trying to find the invisible source of my torment.

The fine pieces of hair thread around my fingers…

And I pulled. I pulled until I felt each root rip out of my skull. Still, I felt no freedom. There was no peace. Only chaos.

I knew Edward and Jacob were somewhere nearby and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to have one of them end my suffering. I wanted to die. I wanted to forever be numb, encased in a world of darkness where there was no sound. There was no pain, no feeling whatsoever.

I wanted to feel nothing.

A pressure wrapped around me and I felt a cool breeze whip past my face. It did little ease the fire that scorched my mind, but I clung to the coldness that attempted to douse the flames.

It was unbearable – this torturous agony. I felt as if I had been thrown to the side, trapped in my own world of darkness where there was nothing but torment and suffering.

"I love you. Please don't leave me."

I whimpered at the sound, so beautiful and full of light. The voice of an angel. _My_ angel.

Even through fire, I felt a smile tug at my lips. My angel was here with me. I wouldn't die alone…

_There was a small light penetrating the darkness. I opened my eyes, blinking as the brightness of the sun's rays shone through the trees. The outlines of the leaves became clearer, the soft breeze against my skin was soothing, and everywhere, I felt warmth._

_A soft musical chuckle echoed around me. I turned to the left and my breath caught in my throat. _

_My angel. He was lying beside of me in the grass. In our meadow. His smile was blinding as he turned to face me. The honey ocher of his eyes glistened beneath the sun and every time my eyes settled on his exposed skin, I was assaulted by the rays of a thousand sparkling diamonds._

_Everything was too perfect. I heard no voices. I felt no pain. And the only person before me was Edward. The being that made up my entire existence._

_"I'm dead, aren't I?" I questioned aloud. Surely this was my brain finding its happy place before I officially left this world._

_That same, soft musical chuckle filled my ears. My heart swelled at the sound._

_"No, you silly girl. You're not dead."_

_I turned to him, resting my cheek against my hand. "I don't understand though. This can't be real. You can't be real…"_

_I shut my eyes, knowing that when I opened them, he would be gone. Maybe this was just to prove my point, to both him and me, but I needed to know if this was real._

_And when I opened them, his face was inches from mine. I sucked in a sharp breath, mesmerized by the depths of his tawny eyes. The chilly coldness of his fingertips swept over my forehead, lightly gliding over my skin. "You're not going to die, Bella."_

_His whisper was almost a plea. "How do you know?" I asked, feeling the tears fill my eyes as his face moved closer, lessening the small gap between us._

_The words that left his lips caused my heart to hammer loudly within my chest._

_"Because I'm going to save you."_

_A soft sob escaped me as his lips claimed mine. He tasted so sweet, so divine. I never thought I would feel this again, trapped in the darkness that surely awaited me now._

_His fingers threaded through mine, softly caressing my skin as he gently sucked on my lower lip. I felt him roll us over. My free hand ran through his bronze waves, clutching onto them as I felt his body mold to mine. _

_It wasn't until I felt his lips on my cheeks that I realized he was kissing my tears away._

_"I love you," he whispered, pressing his cool lips to my skin. "I will never leave you, Bella. I promise you that I will save you… My Bella… "_

_A whimpering sound escaped my mouth as I hugged myself to his body, not willing to let this go away._

_"Bella…"_

_I frowned, the slightest hint of urgency in his voice. He pulled away from me and looked down pleadingly into my eyes._

_"Bella."_

_"Bella."_

"Bella."

Slowly, I felt my eyelids peel open. The pain began to attack my mind, but all I could do was stare in shock at who was before me.

"Can you hear me?" the voice asked. "Bella? It's Carlisle, Bella. Can you hear me?"

I blinked hard, willing my eyes to adjust so that the features of his face would become clearer. And soon I saw the familiar golden eyes, the bright blonde of his hair, the starkness of his skin.

"Alice is downstairs with Charlie, Bella. Can you understand me?"

A soft sob resonated from the back of my throat as my eyes frantically looked past Carlisle to a form that stood at the end of my bed.

_My ange_l.

I opened my mouth to say his name. To speak the syllables that danced on the edge of my tongue. But all I could manage was a bloodcurdling scream as a wave of fire washed over my brain again.

I closed my eyes… and silently begged for death.

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**A/N #2**: Again I want to note that I know you still don't have much insight on a few things after reading this... like Charlie and the sudden Cullens' appearance. But, unfortunately, this was all I could write down and you will receive all that info and more in the next update ;) I promise!

Thanks again for the reviews guys! You all have knocked us over that 150 mark. Woohoo! Hugs all around :D


	16. Say It Isn't So

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Sorry for the long wait on this one. I hope everyone had a great holiday! :) To make up for the wait, this update is REALLY long AND the BIG reveal is in this one ;) I just want to make a shout out to kalejay (my co-writer) for this update b/c she's the one who came up with this piece of genius XD

Enjoy!

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Edward's POV:

"We have to get out!" I cried urgently, watching in horror at the torment distorting Bella's features. Each cry of pain was another slice tearing my heart to shreds. It was excruciating to think what Bella must be feeling in comparison. I quickly ushered Carlisle toward her bedroom door. "Get out," I repeated, my voice breaking, "so she can't hear our thoughts." I followed him into the hallway, turning back to see Bella clutching her head before closing the door behind me. To leave her side at a time like this was unbearable, but the silence that quickly followed her deafening cries proved that our distance was helping.

"Edward, don't leave me," I heard her whimper from behind the closed door. That pain was less evident in her voice, but the longing remained. If I could cry, there would be rivers streaming down my face.

My fists clenched as I resisted running back to her. "I'm just outside, my love," I called to her, doing my best to keep my fear coated with reassurance, as much for my sake as for hers. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise... I'm right here, Bella."

Carlisle pulled me a few more steps from her door and locked his gaze on mine as soon as I was able to tear it from Bella's bedroom door. His dismal expression spoke louder than words... or even his thoughts. "Edward," Carlisle said in a low whisper so Bella wouldn't hear, "It's bad."

A rogue growl ripped through my throat. "I _know_ it's bad, Carlisle," I snapped, exasperated. Running my fingers through my bronze locks, I struggled to keep the volume of my voice suppressed.

Carlisle continued to the staircase and took a step down. "We have to bring her to our place before Charlie realizes just how serious this is," he replied, ignoring my attitude. "We can't have him insisting to bring her to the hospital."

_There's nothing they can do for her there._

I stared after him dumbfounded as he descended. "We'll talk about this more back home," he said without looking back.

Another whimper. Closing my eyes, I could feel phantom tears burning behind my eyelids. Gripping the banister in my enclosed fist, I turned back to look at Bella's door. "I'm right here," I called out again, my feet cemented where I stood, afraid that if I stepped back in her direction, it would result in the heart-wrenching screams.

So I stood my ground, tortured, and no screams arose... Only a soft whisper came from her room: "Don't leave me."

"I promise," I whispered back.

My mind detached from my body. I stared unseeing past my reflection in the hallway window against the growing darkness outside. Night had broken. It was a small blessing that Bella had been unconscious for the entire day. Her body had given her an ounce of mercy from the pain, but as she slept, it had been the longest eight hours of my entire existence.

I was grateful that Carlisle and the others returned quickly from Denali. In fact, they had already been on their way when I had called, thanks to Alice. She had even handed me a pair of my jeans and a t-shirt as I opened the door to let them inside. If they hadn't arrived before Charlie had gotten home, I don't know what explanation I would have come up with for my shredded clothing... or more importantly, why Bella was in unexplainable agonizing pain.

I was only half-paying attention to the conversation going on downstairs between Carlisle and Charlie. Their voices echoed as if in a dream:

_"There's no reason to take Bella to the hospital when we have all the necessary equipment at our place incase she needs anything, Chief Swan. She will be more at ease there. Don't worry. She will be in good hands."_

_"If you think that's best, Dr. Cullen."_

_"I do. The more stress we can avoid putting her through, the better."_

With another glance at Bella's door, I realized that silence had sustained behind it, so I took a step downward with a heavy heart. Charlie was leaning against the front door and as he saw me approach, he pressed his lips into a thin line, and quickly returned his gaze to Carlisle and Alice.

I should have felt more hostility coming from him, considering everything I had recently put Bella through, but Charlie was void of any animosity. It was then that I realized that his emotions couldn't possibly be genuine... And that's when I sensed his presence – Jasper was standing outside unseen on the other side of the door, using his abilities to make Charlie feel at ease. Alice had placed her soldier exactly where she needed him. What would we all do without her?

Charlie didn't ask any questions as we proceeded to bring Bella away with us. He simply kissed her cheek awkwardly and asked Carlisle to call him with any updates. I frowned curiously at Carlisle, wondering what excuses he had told him while I was upstairs with her, begging her to do her best to mask her pain until we were away from Charlie. Her small hand inconspicuously squeezed mine the instant Charlie kissed her.

_I hope you're going to be alright, Bells._

Her grasp tightened as she fought to keep her pain hidden. "I'll see you later, Dad," she replied weakly, forcing a smile.

Charlie furrowed his brow and sighed softly. '_Dad'... It's been so long since you called me that._

Bella wasn't able to hide the whimper that escaped her lips.

"Edward. We need to go. Now." Carlisle's expression was adamant as he stepped out the front door with Alice following in suit.

With a nod goodbye, I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders and ushered her onto the front porch. I felt her frail body tremble underneath my touch and prayed that she was strong enough for another few seconds until we were out of Charlie's view. "Just a few more steps," I whispered into her ear as we walked down the driveway toward Carlisle's Mercedes.

She sat between Jasper and I in the back seat, her arms around my torso, holding on as if she was drowning and I was her life preserver. Her head was buried into my chest and I raked my fingers through her silky brown tresses, worrying over what Carlisle had discovered about what was happening to Bella.

The Mercedes' engined purred to life and I glanced at the front door where Charlie stood, watching us as we disappeared down the road with his one and only daughter. Bella whimpered again and squeezed at my arm. "I can't... Edward, it hurts," she said, her voice cracking.

I braced myself for what I knew would be the next sound to fill the vehicle... "Okay, Bella... You don't have to pretend anymore. Charlie is –"

An agonizing scream ripped through Bella's throat before I even finished my sentence, startling both Jasper and Alice. My grasp around my tortured love tightened and she buried her face into my chest to muffle her cry of agony.

"What's wrong with me, Edward?" she cried between short gasps. "What's happening?" she wailed, tugging at my arm.

I glanced pleadingly at the rear-view mirror and met Carlisle's apprehensive gaze. He was blocking his thoughts with a repetition of excerpts from Gray's Anatomy. Just as well... Whatever was happening, Bella didn't need to find out this way. As soon as we were back at the mansion I would talk to Carlisle and do whatever it took to take away her pain.

"I don't know... But we'll find out soon, Bella," I said, pressing my cool lips to her forehead. "I'll make it go away."

My attention turned to my left. "Jasper, isn't there anything you can do for her?" I pleaded. My voice shook as I struggled to suppress my hysteria. Instantly, I felt a wave of calmness wash over me as Jasper took heed, and I looked back down to Bella in hopes that she had been affected as well. Her outcries had ceased but her fists remained tightly clutched, balling the front of my shirt in her palms. My questioning eyes returned to Jasper.

He turned his head and kept his eyes focused outside at the dark forest whizzing by. "I can ease her stress, but can't eliminate her pain, Edward," he said with chagrin. "I'm sorry."

Alice reached her hand back from the front passenger seat to comfortingly stroke his knee. I only wished I could use the same action to soothe my love as well.

~*~*~*~

Bella's POV:

At some point along the ride to Edward's house unconsciousness took over me again. The pain was growing more intense with every thought I heard and I welcomed the blackness as it claimed me... That is until I started to dream...

_An ice-cold breath washed over my face. My eyes slowly opened to meet a pair of scarlet orbs illuminated in the pitch black room. A low growl disrupted the silence and a tear fell from the corner of my eye._

_Him again._

_"Are you trying to tell me something, James?" I rasped, my voice raw from all my previous screaming._

_Silence._

_The red glow vanished and only the blackness remained. I started to panic by the lack of reply, paranoid that my attacker would come at me from behind. I spun around, eyes wide, searching for any flicker of light that would illuminate my surroundings. I lost my footing but instead of hitting the ground, I fell into a cold embrace. His hands held me close, his grasp tightening around me... too tightly, crushing my lungs._

_"Stop!" I gasped. _

_"I can't save you."_

_My head was being forced sideways to reveal the arch of my throat. Another tear fell at the sound of my angel's voice._

_"Edward?" I whimpered, my breathing becoming even weaker. I turned my head and looked at his crimson glower with pleading eyes._

_"I can't save you," he repeated coldly and I screamed as his teeth tore violently into the flesh of my neck._

I awoke from my dream gasping for air, shouting a silent scream. I felt a wave of vertigo and realized I was being carried.

"Bella, shhh, it's okay. I've got you, love." Edward. I stared intently at his face, relieved to see the liquid topaz of his eyes shining back at me.

That's when the voices hit me again, gouging relentlessly, violently, painfully. Something was definitely wrong and it was only getting worse with each passing moment. I didn't know why I could hear everyone's thoughts and I certainly didn't understand why it was causing me pain. What I did know, however, was that Carlisle knew something, and it must be something horrible since he was purposely hiding it from me. A thousand needles stabbing my mind; it was enough to drive me insane. I was scared but most of all I was tired. Trapped inside a prison of pain, there was only so much screaming I could do... So, I shut my eyelids tightly together and decided to surrender to it.

They were all still very close as they brought me inside the house. Edward, Alice, Jasper and Carlisle... All of their voices were swirling around inside, all at once. It was beginning to be difficult to pick out one thought among the rest. They began to bleed together, dizzying me. Suddenly the buzz became even louder as three more voices rang inside my mind. Esme. Rosalie. Emmett. They were all there. But I did not scream at the pain they caused.

"Edward, bring her upstairs to your room. Everyone else, stay down here," Carlisle's voice echoed. A moment later I felt myself being placed down on a soft surface, and the voices disappeared.. all but one. Edward's cold embrace released me and I parted my eyelids to meet his tortured expression.

"Bella?" He cupped my face in his palm and I leaned into his touch.

My vacant expression was a silent coating to the turmoil going on inside me. I could tell by the way Edward looked at me that he didn't need to be able to read my mind to realize this. He took my hand in his. I let it dangle limply, afraid that if I moved, my pain would get worse. My stillness was preventative. What else could I think to try?

"I'll find out what's happening to you, Bella. I'll make it go away, I promise," Edward whispered, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

My brow furrowed as I recalled my dream and unshed tears began to burn behind my eyes. "Can you save me, Edward?"

He leaned his face toward mine and answered me with a soft kiss against my trembling lips. "I won't lose you again."

~*~*~*~

Edward's POV:

I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing Bella suffering and not knowing why or what would become of her was agonizing. Her screaming had stopped, but I knew she was merely holding it all in. The tension rolled off her in waves, heightening my own. I struggled to keep my composure to comfort her, but I wanted to leave her alone again before she realized that I was just as afraid as she undoubtedly was. That, and the longer I stayed at her side, the more pain I caused her. I felt sick at the irony of it, for not even twenty-four hours ago, the opposite was the cause of her pain. I had bruised her heart and now I was hurting her mind. Was there anything I could do that would not cause her any damage?

She suddenly squeezed her fingers around my hand, startling me out of my daze. "It's not your fault, Edward," she murmured, her eyelids still shut. I cringed inwardly, guilty that I hadn't left her in time. She had penetrated my false bravado and heard my fears. Stroking her cheek softly I shook my head, amazed at her bravery. I shouldn't be the one that was being comforted.

I kissed her forehead lightly, wishing I could alleviate her torment and stood up slowly. "Sleep now, my love. I will be just downstairs." Making sure she was comfortable as possible on the makeshift bed composed of several comforters placed on the floor, I started to back out of the room.

Bella parted her eyelids slightly and nodded so lightly it was almost impossible to notice. As I shut the door I heard her whisper something I felt I wasn't meant to hear: "I don't want to sleep... You can't save me there..." She whimpered strangely, sounding like a young child afraid of the monsters in her closet.

Enough was enough. I needed answers and more importantly, a solution. Now.

I flew downstairs with determination and found everyone gathered in the kitchen. Their thoughts culminated with common messages:_ 'This is bad'... 'I'm sorry'... 'You couldn't have known'... _Instantly, I felt anger boil up within myself, trouncing the fear that had previously flooded my entire being.

I turned to glare at Carlisle. "I couldn't have known _what_?!" I demanded heatedly. No more stalling. I needed to know the truth. "Carlisle, why is this happening to her?"

He looked to everyone else in the room before turning his eyes back to me. It irritated me that I was obviously the last to learn the truth of the situation.

"The moment Alice first saw Bella reading Charlie's mind I knew something... wasn't right," Carlisle explained, a slight frown creeping across his forehead. He was choosing his words carefully and I was becoming impatient. "Even though it didn't seem to be dangerous at the time, I began looking into it then. Mind reading isn't a natural ability for a human to possess," he continued softly, "so my presumption was that she contracted it. And since you mentioned the dreams, well, there's only one logical explanation of when that happened."

The ballet studio.

"James?"

_You._

Staring confounded at my creator, my mouth opening and closing wordlessly, I was unable to produce the sounds of my confusion. Me? How could it be so?

"But, Carlisle, I drew out all of James' venom from her blood," I growled, pained at the reminder. "I'm sure of it... Her blood was clean. I could... taste it." I shuddered.

"Yes, it was clean, Edward... of _James'_ venom," Carlisle responded hesitantly.

I stared at him as if he was insane. Nothing was making any sense. "What are you saying? That _I_ poisoned her?!"

_It's worse than that._

"Carlisle!! Can you just say what you're thinking? I can hear it anyway!"

He nodded once before continuing. He was reluctant, and that only caused me to fear whatever he was about to reveal. "Your own venom must have entered her system. You wouldn't be able to have tasted it for yourself and it obviously was such a miniscule amount so that it was not enough to change her. In theory, nothing like this should have happened. For her to have an ability..." Carlisle trailed off, shaking his head, seemingly as confused as I was. "An ability should never have manifested. Such a small amount of venom should have simply lay permanently dormant."

I hated that he was using his professional doctor's tone.

"So why didn't it?!" I snapped. Controlling my hysteria was impossible, not when Bella's screams still echoed in my mind. Not when I could still feel her small desperate hands clutching at my chest; her frail voice begging me to save her.

"Something would have had to trigger it," he answered. "The plausible explanation is that an intense emotional reaction must have set it off."

I froze. I knew what was coming next and I wanted to burn until I was nothing but ashes.

Carlisle looked toward Alice then back to me. "Alice said her ability started right after --"

"Stop."

"Edward..."

"Don't say it!" I begged.

_... right after we left Forks._

"After we left Forks," I spat resentfully. "After_ I left her_," I corrected. I felt sick. This was completely my fault. As if breaking her heart wasn't enough. Leave it to me to go and make it much worse. All I wanted was to make her life safer and the only thing I had accomplished was causing her more pain and torment. "So, what now? What's going to happen to her? How do I fix it?" The questions flew out of me like rapid gunfire.

"This kind of ability is too much for a human brain to handle," Carlisle explained. "As you have witnessed, the longer Bella has this ability, the more it will intensify, becoming more acute, more painful... until --"

"-- until it gets too painful to bear," I uttered grimly, concluding Carlisle's thoughts.

Silence enveloped the room -- all except the voices in my head. _I'm sorry Edward... You couldn't have known..._

Carlisle took a cautious step toward me. "It's going to kill her, Edward," he said bluntly. I winced. "There's no way around it, son. I'm sorry. You can't save her." His words stung like salt on an open wound. Had Bella heard this in his thoughts? Is this why she had asked me whether or not I could save her?

"It's _my_ fault..." I uttered, staring ahead blankly. "It's all my..." I shook my head, mortified with the reality. What was happening to her was my punishment for leaving her behind. I deserved every ounce of pain, but Bella didn't. It wasn't fair. I wanted to die.

"You couldn't have known this would happen," Esme offered, joining the conversation. I had almost forgotten there was anyone else in the room besides Carlisle and I. There was no comfort in her words. I couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"There is one option," Carlisle suddenly offered and my hopes momentarily rose, "but she won't live through it," he concluded frankly, dashing my expectations.

He was right. There was only one solution to keep her with me -- the only solution I had wished never to inflict upon her.

A menacing growl rumbled inside my throat. "No," I said softly, but determined.

"She wanted this anyway, Edward."

"Not like this!" I growled.

I scrambled my mind, frantically trying to think of another solution. I refused to believe that my Bella was doomed. "I'll do it again. I'll suck the venom out just like before," I lamented, locking my fist into my hair.

Carlisle shook his head. "There is no venom in her blood anymore. It would have absorbed completely as her emotional reaction transformed it into her ability. It's too late, Edward."

I slammed my fist onto the table, making a crack that split down the entire length of it. "It's _not_ too late!" I refuted angrily. "I promised I'd save her! I'm not going to just give up and make her a monster! She deserves better than that!"

Alice chimed in, "Don't make her suffer, Edward. It's only going to get worse. You heard what Carlisle said."

I shook my head vehemently.

"The way she's holding up, I think it's only a matter of hours, at best," Carlisle added, as if giving me more horrid details would make me take action.

Helplessness overtook me and I overturned the table, sending it flying across the room. It crashed into the far wall shooting splinters out in every direction.

"Edward!" Both Carlisle and Esme begged me to calm down as I reached for one of the chairs. I was about to deliver the same fate upon it as the table when I noticed Alice's blank expression. As I saw her vision play in her mind, I lowered my arm and my heart sank simultaneously.

No... I refused to believe it. I wouldn't make it so... I wouldn't turn her into a monster.

"It's not true, Alice," I ground out through clenched teeth. She turned slowly toward me, snapping out of her vision. Her eyes lowered from mine to the floor without a single word. "It's not true!" I yelled again.

"You won't let her die, Edward..." Alice murmured.

Esme placed a comforting hand on my shoulder but I shrugged away from underneath it. "Can everyone stop treating me like she's already dead?!" I exploded.

My angry black eyes darted to everyone in the room, but only Rosalie's contemptuous glare met my gaze.

"She's been dead the minute you decided to bring her into our lives, Edward," she spat coldly. "It's only a matter of time before it actually happens. So why don't you just quit it with your melodramatic manic depressive bullshit already and turn her before I do so we can get back to our lives."

"Rosalie!!" Esme chided.

But my hand was already wrapped around Rosalie's throat before her entire name passed over Esme's lips. I smashed her hard body into the wall, indenting it with her form as dust fell down around her hair. Emmett was behind me in a flash, growling defensively on his mate's behalf.

"I should tear out your throat," I hissed, pushing Rosalie deeper into the drywall. Her confrontational glare challenged me. Emmett didn't waste another second and pulled me away from Rosalie by my shoulders, forcing me backward. I reluctantly released my grasp and stormed away toward the staircase without meeting anyone's gaze.

"You should have let the dog have her," Rosalie called after me.

I turned around at the foot of the stairs and shot daggers at my heartless sister. Emmett was glaring at me cautiously, as was everyone else.

That's when Bella started screaming.

Panic struck me again and I dashed back upstairs to my room, almost knocking the door off its hinges as I flung it open. I found Bella curled up in a ball with her hands covering her ears.

Her head lifted when she heard me enter and her bloodshot brown eyes pleaded with mine. "You have to do it, Edward. Don't let me lose you forever," she begged the instant she saw me.

I stood paralyzed in the doorway. "You can hear them from here now?" I asked, astonished.

Lowering her head back against her knees, she only whimpered in affirmation as I made my way to her.

She had heard everything from downstairs. It was getting worse... and quicker by the minute.

I sat down on the floor next to her and pulled her up onto my lap, cradling her. "I'm so sorry, Bella. It's all my fault. Forgive me... I'll save you. I promise."

A tear dripped down her cheek. "You have to do it," she repeated, suddenly composed as if the pain had completely disappeared. Her gaze was intent and determined.

I shook my head slowly and the pain in her expression returned, but somehow I got the impression that it was from my reaction rather than from the thoughts she heard.

"I'll find another way, Bella," I whispered and began to softly hum her lullaby, pulling her close against my chest. "I will always protect you."

Her body tensed and as hard as she fought to silence her cries, a sharp shriek escaped her as Alice and Jasper appeared in the doorway, closely followed by Esme.

"Make it stop! Edward... Make them stop!" Bella sobbed, tears were now pouring down her face as she pressed her fingertips against her forehead so hard they turned white. She buried her head into my chest shaking it from side to side, soaking my shirt with her tears.

I whipped my head backward toward the door. "Would you get away! Can't you see you're making it worse for her?!" I yelled at my family.

Carlisle also appeared in the doorway. "Edward, there's nothing you can —"

"Stop saying that!!" I screamed desperately, standing up with Bella in my arms. "She just needs some God-damned peace! There's too many of us."

"Edward!" Bella lamented. "It hurts!!!"

Without hesitation, I slung her arms around my neck and placed her on my back. "Hold on tight, okay?" Kicking the window open, I bounded out, holding Bella's arms against the front of my neck. As my feet hit the ground I ran as fast I could away from everyone, from everything -- toward the center of the vast forest where there wouldn't be another human for miles. Hopefully there would be enough peace for Bella until I could think of something to help her.

I had been running for only a few minutes when Bella's arms suddenly tightened around my neck. Her soft whimpers tore at my heart. "Edward, what's going to happen to me?" The pain in her voice was crippling. "Don't leave me alone in the forest," she pleaded, picking out one of my discarded ideas.

Fallen leaves kicked up in a small cloud as I skidded to a halt. I swung Bella around to face me, her legs wrapping around my waist, locking at my lower back. My palms swept across her face, then back through her windblown hair. "I'm here," I cradled her head, pressing my cheek to her temple. "Nothing's gonna happen," I assured. I only wish my voice held conviction and I silently begged my statement to be true. I pulled her closer and gazed upward at the black starless night. "Nothing's gonna happen..."


	17. Dead End

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Grab the tissues and get ready for a shorter but very emotional chapter. Thanks so much for your reviews everyone! We really appreciate them :)

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Edward's POV:

I continued running absently through the forest with the goal of finding a secluded area. It was almost poetic that I found myself in our meadow, and it was Bella that told me to stop as we reached it.

"Put me down," she sighed, fatigued, her breath warming the side of my face.

Kneeling down slowly, I pulled her from my back and seated her down on the grass. "Are you alright?" I asked, immediately feeling stupid for asking such a moronic question. Of course she wasn't alright.

She kneaded her temples with the heels of her palms and looked at me sadly without reply. "Our meadow..." she answered in a reminiscent tone instead, with more than a hint of discomfort hidden behind her dark eyes. She was definitely fighting her pain. "I can't think of a better spot," she added softly.

I sighed. Each shattered piece of my heart broke into another million pieces. "Bella..." I sat down beside her, wrapping my arms around her protectively, not knowing what to say next. I just wished that I could hold her and tell her everything would be alright.

It was quiet inside my mind so I knew that no one was around for miles... no one else, except for myself. Devastatingly enough, that was apparently all that was needed to cause her pain as I felt her wince involuntarily. Once again I debated distancing myself from her, if only to give her a few minutes of peace.

Bella hooked her fingers around my arm and squeezed desperately. "No, don't leave me alone! Not having you with me has been more painful than what I feel right now. Stay, Edward... Please stay with me," she mustered, her eyes in a squint. Her pleading brown orbs glistened with unshed tears.

I nodded assuredly and brushed the stray hair away from her face, noticing that her flesh didn't feel as warm as it usually did against my hand. Her skin had slowly become pallid, and I realized that no matter what I did from this point forward, I would never again see the beautiful pink flush in her cheeks. But if I were to do nothing, never again would I see her smile; hear her whisper my name; kiss her lips... tell her I loved her...

It was completely selfish of me to change her just to keep her. Humans were meant to live and die... it was natural. However, there was nothing natural with what was happening to her now. If only there was another way to keep her with me; a solution that didn't doom her to a fate that would steal her soul...

"There is no other way, Edward. You _know_ what you need to do," Bella persisted, her breath ragged. My over-thinking of what should be a simple resolution was causing her more pain, adding to my guilt.

Uncertainty washed over me. _Can I really do this? I can't lose her... What else can I do?_

"It's okay... This is what I want," Bella added in a small voice. "I love you, Edward." She blinked slowly and lifted her hand to my face. She stroked her hand lightly across my jaw, brushing her fingertips across my bottom lip.

I kissed her fingers softly, my resolve slowly slipping away. "I love you so much, Bella," I murmured against her fingertips as she continued to trace my mouth with her silky touch.

Tentatively, Bella slid her hand further across my lips, positioning it so my mouth rested over the faint crescent shaped scar. I pulled back a millimeter and encircled her wrist in my hand, looking over the mark that sealed her fate. "I'm so sorry I did this to you," I choked out. The irony that my attempt to save her life at the ballet studio was in fact the catalyst to her current situation was not lost on me.

Looking through me as if she didn't hear what I said, she only mouthed the word, 'please', begging me to comply with her wish. Tears began to fall from her pleading eyes as she dropped her hand back down onto her chest.

A sudden strong gust of wind blew through the meadow, making her long hair flutter around her face. She cringed again, battling against the torment inside her mind as I reluctantly acknowledged that there really wasn't anything I could do to save her life.

"I can't save you," I grieved, ashamed at myself.

Despite her pain, a faint smile managed to grace her lips. "Oh, Edward..." she uttered, her voice raw. "Turning me _will_ save me. It will save me from losing you," she explained, her voice barely strong enough to utter the words.

Just then, her body began to shudder as her fight to smother her pain was bested. As brave as she was, the agony was undoubtedly nearing its peak, and impossible to restrain. Painful rushes of air escaped her lips and I cradled her, my panic reaching its breaking point.

"Please!" Bella's whimpering had become more than desperate as she fisted my shirt, yanking me toward her. "Don't let me lose you, Edward... Not again... Not forever..." she panted, breaking my heart. "I just got you back."

Her tiny form convulsed violently in my arms. "Bella?!" I cried in horror. Devastation claimed my entire being. I knew she was dying in my arms. Anyone could see that. I couldn't lose her... I couldn't...

"I just... got... you back..." Bella's pleading stopped as a thin stream of blood trickled from her nose. Her eyes rolled back as her head dropped backward limply into the crook of my elbow.

"BELLA!" I yelled, panicking, clutching her unconscious body against me.

I watched as the small river of blood slid in slow motion over her lips and down her chin, sliding down her neck and coming to a rest in the hollow of her throat. It was her unconscious request, tempting me to comply.

There wasn't any more time to waste on debating what to do.

"I won't lose you again," I ground out desperately. I raked her hair away from her neck and positioned my mouth at the base of her throat. The mere scent of her blood burned my senses, awakening a suppressed desire which I fought to resist. I padded my tongue down over the crimson stream on her neck, and I succumbed to the one thing I had prayed never to do...

_I'm sorry..._

My teeth pierced her flesh and her hot blood rushed into my mouth as if it was just as eager to come to me as I was to attain it. The venom overflowed my mouth as I fought not to swallow. One bite would be enough to turn her. Just one bite. I did what I had to do. I could stop now and she would be changed... Yet something terrible happened in the moment I savored her essence on my tongue... The monster that lay dormant inside me suddenly awoke, claiming me entirely. I became a prisoner in my own body, becoming void of any humanity. Raw instinct took over and the muscles in my jaws tightened, locking more firmly down into her flesh, and I found myself drawing her blood eagerly into my mouth. A euphoria like I've never experienced before possessed me as her warm blood trickled down my throat. My eyes rolled back in my skull, I tightened my hold underneath her lower back and lifted her body upward to press her even more securely against my mouth. Before I realized it, I was drawing out even more and swallowing a second time.

All this happened over a span of a mere two seconds, but it was long enough to make me realize that if I continued this way, I would surely kill her and no amount of venom would be able to bring her back to me.

I fought desperately against my inner demon and managed to unclamp my lips from her open gash. My mouth, dripping with blood and venom, hovered an inch away from the wound as my demon begged for another taste. The mixture of bliss and horror bled together, creating the most unsettling feeling within myself. The primal urge to feed was crippling... But my love for her was stronger.

Forcefully ripping myself away from her, I flung myself into the nearest tree and stared down at her limp and lifeless body sprawled out on the ground beneath me.

"What have I done?" I uttered in horror, unsure if I had taken too much from her. I strained to listen for a heartbeat and realized that it was still present. It was faint and erratic, but it was there. For now...

As I peered down at her motionless body, I cringed as the taste of her blood lingered in my mouth, torturing my senses. Wiping the blood that dripped from my chin with the back of my hand, I loathed myself at how easily the taste of human blood faltered my restrain, how easily the monster inside could win. Not only was it human blood, it was Bella's.

But I had stopped it. It was done. Bella would soon become like me and her pain would finally be gone. However, her suffering was far from over. For three days she would suffer the burn of her transformation. She was unconscious, unable to feel the effect of the venom, but I remembered the pain of my own transformation, and realized that soon enough, it would be painful enough to wake her. I felt sick, wondering when the time would come when my actions would result in anything other than her pain and suffering.

As I finally managed to fully gain control of myself again, I stalked down the tree and knelt by my Bella's side, carefully taking her limp hand in mine. I lowered myself and embraced her, laying my head down over her chest. My head rose and fell infinitesimally with her dwindling breath; the erratic beating of her heart slowed to a crawl. How I wished for the ability to cry so I could release the magnitude of emotions that were tearing me apart.

Before long, I was motionless and left in silence. Ruefully, I lifted my head from her still form and stroked the side of her face, her expression finally peaceful. I had thought that the worst moment of my existence was when I learned that I was the cause of her demise... but the instant I couldn't hear the beating of her heart proved me terribly wrong.

I had first listened to her heart in this very spot, and now I had heard its flutter for the very last time.

Bella was dead. All there was left to do, was wait.

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**A/N #2**: Again, I have to thank my co-writer for this update. And I know this is something you all have been waiting for to read. But don't think this is the end. Oh no... this story will continue for several more chapters. Muahaha...

Okay, I've said this in another story of mine, but I'll say it here as well. I will be writing the next update, however, I'm starting a medical program in about a week and therefore my free time to write will be limited. I'll do my best, however, to write and update but just understand that it may take me awhile. :/

Again, you all are awesome! We love your reviews and we hope you enjoyed this last update :)


	18. Newborn

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Sorry for the long wait in another update. I've been trying to get writing done in between school work, so just bare with me on the updates that I write. We really do appreciate your patience and all of the reviews that we receive for this story. Also, before you read, I just want to address a couple of comments that you all had mentioned in your reviews. First of all, we know that Bella's heart shouldn't have stopped beating so soon as was described in the last update. Know that this will be explained ;) *hint hint* Also, some of you were worried that we were ending the story so soon. No worries! We are far from finished folks, so don't freak out on us yet! lol

AND... I know, quit talking, right? I've posted new graphics banners for the story in my profile as well as two new videos that I made that will clue you in on what is to come in the story. ;)

Now, with all that said, we hope you enjoy this update! :D

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Bella's POV:

It felt as if my brain had literally exploded within my skull. The swell of undeniable agony that pulsed within the enclosed organ made the blood rush to the site of its wrath. I could feel the hot liquid seeping through my sinuses, as if it would leek out of my ears, eyes, and nose. All I felt was pain. And blood. I could smell it.

The last thing that I remembered ever seeing was Edward's troubled face, the way his eyes clouded over in fear and despair. I saw his lips twitch to say my name as darkness seeped over my eyes, but I never heard his beautiful voice. And I knew then, that this was it. I was going to die. Without ever seeing or hearing Edward ever again.

So, I waited. I waited for death to take me, to coat my body in total darkness. A faint shooting pain attacked the skin of my neck, but I could only assume that it was my body giving up as the muscles within my flesh forced themselves to move. I felt weak – weaker than I had been in the past forty-eight hours.

Fire. It coursed through me, licking at my veins, scalding my nerves until I felt as if I would scream from the sheer torture. I couldn't move. I couldn't voice a single sound. I was alone in the dark, pained and terrified.

And then it stopped. I felt my heart contract, pushing the blood through my veins one last time. It was done. Over.

Yet how could I still be consciously aware of my surroundings? Why could I suddenly feel the cool breeze sweeping across my face? Or hear the crunching sound of leaves yards away?

This wasn't right. If Edward had changed me, then I knew something had gone wrong. I should still feel the fire. I should be writhing in agony on the ground. Only I was still. Silent.

"What have I done?"

_Edward_. It was his voice that pierced my ears. The anguish broke the soft, melodic chords that usually accompanied his voice. It was as if his song had faltered, breaking on a few flat keys.

"Why did I do this to her? Oh God, Bella please wake up!"

I wanted to rush over to him, take the hands that were surely gripping his hair and ease them down into my own grasp. My body craved his touch, if only to give him comfort.

Why could I still hear him?

Other noises filled my mind then. The cracking of twigs high above. The soft flicker of the blades of grass as they blew in the breeze. A bird's wings fluttering gently as it darted from tree to tree. A dull pounding in the earth told me of a deer running only fifteen yards away. And then I heard the strangest sound, as if someone was gripping a tree limb, twisting it in their grasp until it began to crack under the pressure. It was Edward, sitting in the tall pine only five feet away…

"Why did I think I could save her? Why had I thought I could just sit here and wait after her heart stopped? It _shouldn't_ have stopped so soon. She can't be dead. She can't be."

So this was what hell was like. I would be forever trapped in my body, unable to see, unable to feel or taste or smell anything. But I would always be haunted by Edward's words. How long had I been lying here? Maybe he was already gone and I was only hearing his pleas for the first time of eternity in a world of black.

More noises from the surrounding forest assaulted my mind along with the sound of his wounded voice.

Crunch. Snap. Rustle. "Why did I let her go?" Snap. Flutter. "What have I done?" Crack.

_Blood_.

I could hear it flowing through the veins of another creature nearby. No. It was far off. Faint. The small heart of a rabbit beat rapidly as it hopped over the leaves that covered the forest floor. I could almost see the scarlet fluid coursing beneath its skin, feeding the organs and the muscles that made its body work. It smelled savory and rich. Delicious.

I could _taste_ it on my tongue.

A tree limb snapped overhead, splitting in two on the ground as it hit with an audible clap. A bird cawed in a high-pitched tone, piercing my ears. "Bella, I'm so sorry." Scuffling – a fox rushing through the underbrush. The soft pattering of a squirrel scurrying up the tree made my body tense. Leaves rustling in the wind. Grass fluttering in the breeze. "I love you, Bella." The sound of footsteps walking away. The sound of Edward leaving me.

_No, don't leave me!_

And in that moment, I willed myself to wake up.

Air rushed through my mouth, down my throat and into my lungs that no longer needed it. I sat up abruptly, my eyes widening at the spectrum of colors that attacked my sight. Greens. Blues. Violets. Golds. They were bright, blinding to my sensitive eyes. Everywhere I looked, I felt myself shudder away as if waiting for pain to stab my brain.

The sun was warm as it fell over me and from the looks of things, it was now early in the morning. I could feel the dew from the grass seeping into my jeans. Tiny diamond-like sparkles glistened over my skin and I raised my hand, inspecting each minute crystal that reflected the sun's rays.

"Bella."

I turned sharply as a new color met my eyes. Red. Edward stood motionless at the edge of the meadow, his gaze wide, painted in a crimson glow from my blood.

_Bella_.

It was my name again; only he never opened his mouth. His lips never moved to form the letters or syllables that created it. I stared at him blankly. Numbly - waiting for my mind to convulse torturously. But it never did.

_It can't be real_, his thoughts echoed.

My fingers curled into the wet blades of grass, feeling their smooth texture as they curled around my skin. I blinked slowly as if testing my ability to even function.

Edward gasped softly and yet he still remained where he was, his eyes never moving from my face.

How was it that I could still hear thoughts and yet not feel any pain? The statuesque stance that controlled Edward's body made me feel uncomfortable. The way his eyes saw through me, the way his fingers didn't move, nor his legs… not even his lips. I wanted him to touch me, to wrap me in his arms so that I knew I was real. I _needed_ to know that I was still alive in some way – that I wasn't stuck in some plane between reality and hell.

And as if he had heard my thoughts, Edward began to slowly, mechanically, move towards me. I heard the blades of grass rustle past his feet as he walked. I saw each detail of the way his jeans would wrinkle as the fabric brushed against his skin. And his eyes… emotions danced between the crimson lines that created the glistening round irises.

I was lost in his gaze – caught in a trance that would forever fixate me to the end of eternity. Slowly, I bent my legs, testing their movement and began to push myself up. Within a second I had stood in a graceful, fluid motion; something my body was not accustomed too. But in that moment as Edward moved towards me, all of my senses zeroed back in on his presence. My skin hummed with the electricity that still sparked between us as he inched closer.

The time he took to get to me left me feeling anxious. If my heart could still beat, its sound surely would be audible miles away. _Move faster_. I practically pleaded with my eyes, begging him to just hold me already.

His arms wrapped around me then; cradling me against his chest. I gasped sharply at the sudden feel of his body against mine. He buried his face into my hair, breathing in deeply as a soft whimper escaped his lips.

"Bella," he cried, his body beginning to shake with tearless sobs.

I didn't know how to react. It was as if my body was taking minutes to absorb the new information in order to respond to anything. Finally, my arms moved around his back, securing myself to his torso. I felt the smooth skin at the nape of his neck as my hand traveled up into his bronze hair, curling my fingers through the messy locks.

"Edward," I whispered, my voice sounding new to my ears – high and musical like Alice's.

He pulled away slowly, still holding me against him tightly. His eyes were so full of pain and love that it nearly tore me in two to see him like this.

"I'm okay," I breathed, carefully tracing the outline of his lips. His skin was no longer hard and cold beneath my touch. It was warm, soft... human-like. My eyes drank in the sight of each little patch of pristine, white skin that covered his face – the rounded lines of his nose, his cheeks, his brow. I wanted to stay like this forever, secure in his arms in the middle of our meadow.

I leaned in close, brushing the tip of my nose against his as my lips sought out his own. His grip tightened around my waist and I felt him lean in, gently placing a kiss to my mouth.

The sensation shot tiny sparks of lightening down my body, tingling every fiber of my being.

"Bella," he wept, crushing his lips to mine in sudden desperation. _I love you. I love you. I love you._ His thoughts repeated in my mind as our mouths clung to each other urgently. I weaved my fingers through his hair, pulling myself even closer to him as he moved his hand up my back to cup the back of my head. I moaned when he parted my lips with his tongue, seeking entrance. It was new for us, this uninhibited feeling of passion. We had to be careful before, but now… now there were no rules. There were no limits to how we behaved around each other. We could finally _love_ one another freely.

And all too soon, he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. "Bella," he muttered, breathing raggedly. "Are you real?"

I swallowed hard, already aching from the loss of his lips. "I hope so," I whispered, gently caressing the side of his face. "How long was I out?"

He sighed, his beautiful face becoming troubled. "You were only out overnight."

I grimaced, knowing that this couldn't be a good sign. But instead of worrying him even more, I merely nodded, relishing in the new warmth of his palm against my skin. "So what does this mean?" I whispered, searching his eyes pleadingly. "Why did I turn out so different?" Pain laced my voice as I spoke the words. Of course I would be different. Clumsy, uncoordinated Bella Swan could not possibly become a normal vampire. Normal was never in my vocabulary.

"We'll figure it out," he told me, lightly thumbing the skin beneath my eyes. "Carlisle may know why the change didn't last as long." He then bent my head down to his chest, placing a soft kiss to my hair. I drank his scent in deeply, readily. "And you're not _different_," he muttered, putting extra emphasis on the word. I had to sigh, because no matter if Edward couldn't read my mind, he always did and always would know what I was thinking.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, just holding him to me and memorizing the feel of his body against mine. "We'll see…"

A low keening sound echoed from the back of his throat as he swept strands of my hair away from my neck, exposing the bite mark that his teeth left behind. His scarlet eyes saddened then and I tightened my grip around him.

"Don't even think that you're sorry," I told him urgently, seeking his gaze with my own eyes. "Edward – "

"I don't understand it... " he whispered, his voice almost child-like to my ears. "I wish I had the answers to this, Bella."

I frowned, not knowing how to comfort him at all because the truth was that I was still worried over the transformation as well. "I don't understand it either, maybe it happened so quickly because I was already hanging on by a thread."

His eyes snapped up to mine with a fierce intensity. The sheer agony they held was heartbreaking.

"Edward, stop looking this way!" I hissed. "I don't know why my change was different. I don't know why I can still hear thoughts, or… or why I was consciously aware of everything around me after the venom had stopped and yet I couldn't wake up!" I was becoming more upset with every second and my body began to tremble in his grasp. "But I do know that I was scared of losing you. I thought I was in hell, Edward," I gripped his face between my pale hands, pleading with him. "And I could hear everything. Your thoughts, your movements…" I swallowed, forcing my eyes to close. "I heard you when you walked away from me."

His hands instantly covered my wrists, compelling me to open my eyes. "Bella, I wasn't walking away from you." His voice was hurt, hollow. "I needed to do something other than sit in that damned tree up there, just… watching you. I needed to move."

"Pacing," I finished for him, a small knowing grin curving my lips. He did that a lot when he was troubled.

"Yes," he whispered, cupping the side of my face. "I would have never left you. No matter what."

A faint smell drifted through the air as we held each other. I breathed it in slowly, trying to discern its scent… like aged wine, sweet, citrus… I sniffed again, the new aroma drawing me in. Vanilla, flowers, oak…

_"I wonder if this would be a good spot to set up camp."_

My eyes narrowed as my body stiffened. _A human._

"Bella," Edward hissed, his grip tightening around me. He clasped his arms, entrapping me in their hold. "Bella, look at me." His body was tense as well and when I turned to meet his gaze, I knew that I wasn't the only one tempted by the delicious scent.

I could see myself in his mind. My eyes were two pools of black, my lips were crimson as if taunting me with the fresh blood that flowed only miles away. My skin was ghostly white, translucent even. If the hunger wasn't burning its way up my throat, I may have found the startling image rather disturbing. But as it were, I could only find Edward's thoughts fueling the thirst within me.

I pushed my arms against his hold, knowing that I wasn't using my full strength. And Edward knew that as well because the faintest hint of fear flickered over his red eyes. _Don't_, he pleaded, practically begging me to stay with him. _Please, Bella._

_Let go of me, Edward_, I thought, pushing my arms out a little bit more.

And suddenly he released me, his expression one of shock and confusion at what he had just done.

I stared at him with the same bewildered look masking my face. Why did he listen to me?

_Can you hear me? _My eyes narrowed as I watched him fixate his troubled stare to the forest floor. _Edward. Can you hear my thoughts?_ I moved to stand in front of him, bending my head down to look into his lost eyes. It forced him to focus his gaze back on me, but what I saw there was not a reaction I had ever seen in him. He was disoriented and almost afraid as he spoke his next words.

"What just happened?"

_So you can't hear me._

"Bella." His voice broke as he gripped my arm desperately. I watched with slight amusement as his eyes began to widen. It was as if something inside of me snapped, breaking me away from the the creature who needed comfort only moments ago.

_Take your hand off of me, Edward_.

His hand fell from my arm as if his skin had touched blistering flames. I studied his reaction curiously and again he displayed that same bewildered expression. _So I can manipulate his actions_, I wondered. _How curious._

The human scent was back now. Stronger. I could feel the fire licking my throat as the venom pooled in my mouth. _Blood_. It was the only thing that ran through my mind. And before Edward could reach out to touch me again, I was gone.

Flames coated my esophagus as the rich smell washed over me. I could hear Edward's footsteps racing behind me but I was faster – more powerful than him. He called my name over and over again, trying to stop me from my mission. But all I could do was run towards the delicious fragrance. The camper's thoughts were already entering my mind. I could see him through the broken mirror he held up in his hand. He was young; grinning as the sun highlighted golden strands in his hair. His eyes were a piercing green and in that moment I didn't care who he was, who his family were, or who even loved him. None of that mattered now. All I wanted was to taste his blood. The claret liquid that coursed through his veins called out to me like a whisper floating through the trees. He was beautiful. He was alluring. And he was _mine_.

"Bella, stop!" Edward called out, his voice ringing high amongst the woods, causing a group of grackles to scatter from the highest canopy. Their caws echoed ominously throughout the sky.

But it was too late. The young boy only had mere seconds to gasp in awe as he saw me racing through the trees. His guttural scream reverberated around me as I curled my fingers through his golden hair, snapping his throat back to expose the smooth skin in the light. It was beautiful… flawless. It was the wrapper covering the delicious confection that burned my tongue with its tantalizing flavor.

I gripped him to me, cracking his ribs beneath my arms as I constricted his torso. He cried out in pain, his voice deafening as I sank my teeth into his flesh.

It was unlike anything that I had ever tasted before. Blood no longer made me sick with disgust. Rather it excited me, drew me in like a salivating dog towards a bone. I _needed_ it. My soul _craved_ it. The heat that emanated from the ruby colored liquid quenched my thirst as my eyes rolled back into my skull. My fingers curled around the soft fabric of his shirt, ripping tiny holes along his back. I jerked his body roughly in my grasp as the last swallow of blood seeped down my throat.

Within seconds he grew limp in my arms and I let him slip to the ground, thudding loudly at my feet. His green eyes stared up at me, unseeing, penetrating a hole somewhere within my dead heart.

I stared back at him questioningly, tilting my head to the side. Moments ago he was a breathing, living thing and now, as his head skewed in a sickening angle while small traces of blood still oozed from his open wound, he resembled nothing more than a rag doll; discarded and unwanted.

I crouched down before him, resting my forearms over my knees. His gaze was fixed on the blue sky up above. I could see the dark silhouetted reflection of a flying hawk pass over his glass-like eyes. His scent was still there as I sniffed the air above him, curiously inspecting the way that he would lifelessly rock back and forth when I nudged his side.

It was then that I froze; my body stiffening at the shocking electrical sparks that shot down through my veins. I turned sharply, fixing my gaze on Edward as he stalked over the green foliage that littered the ground; moving ever so slowly towards me. I rose gracefully, seeing the image of myself mirrored in his thoughts. Blood caked my lips, dripping down my neck. My eyes were as black as pitch, two small onyx stones. The sun cascaded over my pale skin, sending off a spectrum of colors as tiny diamonds danced throughout the flesh.

But more importantly, I noticed the way Edward's gaze imitated my own. The intensity of his eyes shocked me, sending a thrill down my spine as I stared into the deep sea of black ink that coated his irises.

Yet there was something else that emanated from his demeanor. Something dark… frenzied.

A warm sensation coated the pit of my stomach as his lips parted, exposing two rows of sharp, glistening teeth. The thoughts that raced through his mind shook me with a startling clarity as his nostrils flared.

Edward Cullen _wanted_ me.

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**A/N #2**: Gee, I wonder what the next update will be about? *whistles* :P Anyway, we realize that Bella is a little OOC in this but we want her to really change personality a little with her being a vampire now. Also, her manipulating powers will be further explained and no, Edward still can _not_ read her thoughts. Just want to make that clear. ;) Thanks again for the reviews, everyone!

Also, Edward's behavior will be explained in the next update. Don't freak out yet over the end of this chapter. Mkay? ;)


	19. Angels and Demons

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N: **First of all, you think it's been long enough? Yeah, we do too ;) Secondly, total LEMONY update. Like woah... this is completely OOC for Bella and a little bit for Edward too. I know some of you guys made some comments about Bella's behavior in the last update. But there's a reason she's so different. Please remember that while the characters do belong to Stephenie Meyer, this is OUR version of them. So if they don't stay true to the real series, don't freak out. Remember, this is a fanfiction ;)

**Also... because the lemony/smutty part of this update is MA content, the FULL version can be found on my livejournal. (The link is in my profile). So the version posted on here does NOT contain that part. If you want to read it, go to my LJ.**

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**Edward's POV**:

Blood. Its coppery taste filtered over my tongue. The sweet, fragrant scent invaded my senses and I desperately clung to the soul that I begged lived within me. My mind battled over whether to fill my lungs completely with the intoxicating scent or to reach out and grasp Bella by the arms, restraining her from going after the one thing we both wanted.

The one thing we _shouldn't_ have.

But she was gone. The dark strands of her hair barely feathered over my skin as she whipped around, racing off into the forest. I could clearly make out each twig and leaf that stuck out of the nest of gorgeous chocolate locks.

_No_.

"Bella!" I called out, taking after her within seconds. She was strong. Fast. Faster than me. I leapt over a fallen tree, my mind frantically racing with the knowledge that she was always at least twenty feet ahead of me. I'd never get to her in time.

"Bella, come back!"

I saw the thoughts of the young boy that she continued to advance upon. I could hear his heart pounding erratically beneath his chest and yet I relished in hearing the flow of his blood. Sparkling ebony eyes entered my mind, causing me to falter in my path. They were beautiful, enthralling. And they were Bella's. I couldn't let Bella do this to herself. I would _not_ let her do this to herself.

I pushed my legs forward, forcing my muscles to expand and contract at a blindingly fast pace, but it was of little use. The sheer ferocity in Bella's gaze as she focused in on her prey was enough for me to stagger across the forest floor. Her mouth opened and the two rows of sharp, glistening teeth were exposed in my mind.

It was too late. I had failed her.

Ten feet away, I fell to my knees, letting my head drop into my hands. I saw the sky up above from the boy's line of sight. The top of Bella's head was easily discernable as the soft tendrils of her hair whispered through the breeze. And then slowly a shadow began to creep over the corners of his eyes; seeping into his vision until all was completely black.

With the exception of the soft fluttering of a rabbit's heart only twenty feet away, there was nothing alive around me anymore.

The boy was dead. And now I would have to deal with the consequences of my actions. I would not let Bella be blamed for this by the family or by the wolf pack. Not in any way. I'd do whatever I could to dispose of the body, but I would not let her suffer for this. It was my fault for even letting her tempt me, for even letting her control my mind.

I thought I would be angry with her. I _should_ be angry with her. But as I stalked ever so silently towards her crouched form, seeing the patches of exposed, pale skin beneath her ripped shirt, watching the way her hair blew in the soft breeze carrying her delicious scent to me, entranced by the way a drop of blood slid past her lips, all rational thought had left me. If there was a hell, then I would surely go there after this. But as my eyes roved over the tight curve of her hips, the way her body tensed at my mere presence, I realized that I didn't care. I would gladly burn in a fiery pit of flames if it meant becoming a monster for just a moment… just a brief moment with her.

She spun around to me, her eyes a glistening onyx and I knew that it wasn't only the bloodlust that had taken over her. Even through the two wells of black, I saw the vibrant shimmering of ruby lines surrounding her pupils.

She was a demon disguised inside of an angel's skin - a seductress that sang to me, awakening every fiber of my being.

Scarlet blood dripped from her lips, trailing in a small crimson rivulet down her pale flesh. I watched as the liquid spilled over the curve of one breast, soaking the torn fabric that was once her shirt.

My fingers twitched at my side and I subconsciously licked my suddenly dry lips. I could still taste her blood on my skin and yet I was parched, yearning for more.

"What were you thinking?" I hissed, instantly holding my breath. "Bella, what have you done?" I desperately tried to cling to the rational part of my mind by asking her these questions, but the temptation before me could not be denied.

The corner of her mouth tilted upward into a sardonic grin. "What do you mean? I did what I am supposed to do."

I shook my head, surprised by her answer and stepped closer to her until I was inches away from the boy's lifeless body. "No. We don't hunt humans, Bella. You _know_ that."

"That didn't stop you did it?" she sneered. "You didn't have to drink my blood to change me, but you _did_."

I shut my eyes, willing my mind to erase the memory of taking her life. I could still feel the hot liquid pouring down my throat, and the searing guilt that followed after it.

"How did it taste?" she questioned, the words rolling smoothly off her tongue. "How did _I _taste?"

"Bella," I ground out, keeping my eyes shut as my fists clenched at my sides.

It was almost as if I could feel her moving closer to me, surrounding me, even though I knew she wasn't moving. "Don't you want to taste me again?"

"That's enough!" I roared, backing away.

She lowered her head and for a moment I thought she was feeling remorseful for what she had done. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Slowly, she raised her head until her blackened eyes peered up at me through the thick lashes. "But I'm not sorry for what this has made you feel."

"What?"

"Look at you," she purred. Her eyes roved over my body hungrily. "You can say what you want, Edward, but what I did just fueled your desire."

"Stop it," I seethed, clenching my teeth tightly as I looked away from her.

Suddenly, I saw Bella whispering things in my ear, telling me to do things when in actuality she was still standing across from me. Her lips unmoving.

_Don't fight it_, she taunted. _You know you _want _me_.

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**THE SMUT SCENE IS IN THE VERSION ON MY LJ. PLEASE SEE THE LINK IN MY PROFILE.**

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My breathing was erratic as my body came down from its high. Slowly, the monster began to disappear and all I was left with was a feeling of utter horror at what I had allowed myself to do, at what she _made_ me do.

I staggered back, instantly pushing myself off of her. Surprised, she fell to the ground.

"What the hell is your problem?" she seethed, pushing herself back up. Her eyes were wild as she stalked towards me.

My hands fisted in my hair as I began walking around in small circles. "Bella, what's gotten into you?" I yelled out. "Why are you acting like this?"

Her face froze into a hardened glare as she stood her ground before me. "I'm sorry?"

"You weren't like this before," I muttered, grabbing her shoulders and searching her face for any sign of the Bella that I knew. "When you first woke up… you weren't like this." I knew then, that the sudden change in her personality had occurred after she had fed off of a human. How could I have let her go so easily?

She merely grinned and shook off my grasp with ease. "Please… don't try to tell me that you didn't just have a good time."

A guttural roar burst through my lips as I picked up the fallen limb and launched it like a spear through the forest. It shattered against another tree, knocking that one down in the process.

"That is not the point!" I sped over to her, gripping her arm tightly in my hand. "Bella, there's something wrong! Don't you see that? It's like you're out of your mind."

And there was that laugh again – that spellbinding, sick laugh that escaped her lips. My body shook with pain as I watched the stranger before me. She stared up at me innocently with those piercing onyx eyes.

I gasped as a startling realization occurred to me. "Your eyes are still black," I murmured, searching her gaze.

"So?" Bella laughed.

"You just fed," I remarked, then realized they had been black since the moment her eyes opened. "They were never supposed to be black, Bella."

"Are you saying you don't like the _new_ Bella?" she purred, reaching out to lightly run her fingers down my chest.

As I peered into her everlasting black depths, I felt lost in their void. "Who are you?" my voice could only whisper.


	20. Cold Snap

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: We apologize for the long wait on posting this. My co-writer is the genius behind this update but it took forever for me to actually read what she had written and then we had to go through a bit of editing... I'm telling you, being in a medical program = no free time. It sucks. Period. So, I apologize for not getting this up sooner for you all. In any case, I will continue on at the bottom with another note, but for now, just take the time to read :)

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Bella's POV:

I snapped. The lividity that suddenly boiled up surprised me. It was so powerful, encompassing my entire being like searing acid coursing through my veins. The muscles in my jaws became taut in response to Edward's interrogation. "Who _am_ I?" I seethed through my clenched teeth. "I'm what you _made_," I retorted heatedly, and shoved my hand that was against Edward's bare chest roughly against him, making him stumble backward. His heels dug into the soil as he steadied himself again.

I reached for my jeans and slipped back into them, ignoring the slight pang of guilt I felt as I caught a glimpse of Edward's pained expression from the corner of my eye. His mind was a jumble of thoughts. He couldn't even think properly, clearly unsure what to think of the new me.

_What's going on? Why is she acting so differently? Did I do something wrong? _

I scoffed as Edward's thoughts rang through my mind. So noble. How typical of him to accept blame for something that was beyond his control.

"So, my eyes are still black," I shrugged with indifference. "Is that your problem? That I turned out wrong? Broken?" I spat, realizing my vicious defensiveness thought not fully understanding it. The fury inside me was like a surge of energy begging to be released.

Edward stared at me, looking flabbergasted. "What? No! Of course not," he answered, looking as though he was struggling to get a handle on our argument. "I just don't understand why you're so... different."

I took a step back toward him, forcing the blazing emotions to the pit of my stomach. Purposely softening my features, I smiled against what was screaming inside me. "Don't worry, Edward. You didn't do anything wrong," I crooned, taking his right hand in mine. I began to slowly stroke over the top of his knuckles with my thumb. His crimson eyes were daunted but unwavering from my own black orbs. "Actually, I should _thank you_, because now I can enjoy you the way I always dreamed to... the way you always dreamed to... without holding back."

My grip tightened around his hand and I couldn't help but play with his mind as well.

_Kiss me!_ I commanded his body to obey me.

Just as I had willed it, Edward slowly began to lower his face down to mine. "Bella, stop," he uttered before his lips touched mine, realizing that he was not in control of his actions.

My hold on him lessened, leaving his mouth hovering just inches from mine. "Oh, come on. You should be happy. Isn't this what you wanted? To have me... completely?" I murmured, inching my own lips toward his. The scent of fresh sex still clinging to both of us was quite invigorating. Then I let go of my hold entirely, curious to see if he would respond as I hoped.

But as soon as I did, Edward snapped his hand over my wrist in a quick motion and jerked me forward toward the lifeless body on the ground beside us. "Do you think that makes me happy?!" he shouted, pointing at the corpse I had mutilated.

An irritated growl rumbled in my throat. Deep down somewhere I knew what I had done was wrong, but for some reason I didn't care. I couldn't explain the feeling that had possessed me. Why I was so angry; so dismissive of anything other than what I wanted, good or bad.

I whipped my arm from his grasp and a smug grin materialized on my face. "From the way you were sucking his blood off my lips... yeah... I do," I replied, narrowing my eyes. "Admit it, Edward. You enjoyed it," I purred, savoring this new sound I was capable of making; this low seductive rumble from the back of my throat.

Edward shook his head but kept his stance firm and unwavering in front of me, refusing to be intimidated. "I don't know exactly what happened, Bella, but it was you... You're controlling me somehow, aren't you?" His ruby eyes glinted as they darted back and forth between mine, attempting to search for answers.

"That's what you want to hear, right? Would that make you feel better about yourself, to place the blame all on me for doing what you feel is wrong?" I seethed, stepping forward into him. "Blame the newborn, right? She's wild, reckless, wrong..." I licked my lips and scoffed.

I had to admit that I had enjoyed trying out my new ability on Edward, seeing what I could do, how far I could go, what I could make him do. At one point it felt like I wasn't even trying, then realized I _wasn't_ doing anything. _He_ had licked the blood clean from my lips. _He_ had taken me with a raw passionate force, and now he was trying to make me feel guilty for it.

My eyes became slits as I prepared to throw it back in his face. "Yes, Edward. I _can_ control you... but you're forgetting that I can see into your thoughts, and we both know that I didn't have to. You did exactly what you wanted to. Let's not forget the real reason why your eyes are red, shall we?" I rasped.

Instead of replying, Edward only stared at me, his anger slowly melting into something else. Sadness. He kept his gaze unwavering, almost making me uncomfortable as he refused to look away, forcing me to see what he saw: Myself through his eyes - a vision of a girl so demonic in her beauty that I felt a ripple of shock hum beneath the surface of my skin.

My eyes were the blackest of night, reflecting back to me in my mind. Cold. Harsh. Dead. I saw nothing in them that was me. Where was the girl who bit her lip in embarrassment, hanging her head down and waiting for Edward to pick her back up? Where was the love in her eyes when she looked at him? There was nothing of that girl anymore. She was dead. _I _was dead. The warmth that had once consumed me, deteriorated. And with that, the image of myself that Edward had loved - that _I _had loved.

Edward was right. Who was I?

The taste of blood that had saturated my mouth had completely dissolved, and I realized the hostility within me had coincidentally begun to subside. The desolate look on Edward's face sent another pang of guilt through my being, cracking the thick shell of anger that had coated me.

Something inside me was changing. Changing _back_.

Slowly, piece by piece, I felt myself beginning to crumble as I continued to stare at Edward, only this time with shame instead of subversion. "I'm sorry," I whispered sincerely in a broken voice, barely moving my lips as I spoke.

Edward flinched in surprise, noticing the change in my demeanor. I didn't have to be like Jasper to sense his relief. _Bella? _He beckoned silently, hoping to draw out another a hint of semblance of my old self.

Unable to stand seeing myself through his eyes any longer, I lowered my head and took a step backward, ashamed of the things I had said, of how I acted toward him. Edward. My love... My life.

"I didn't mean that. I asked for this, Edward," I continued, unable to look anywhere else but at his feet. "I begged you to save me. I would be dead if not for you." The distance between us grew again as I took another step away from him. "But I guess you wish I _was_ after all this," I uttered, glancing at the body as if for the first time, astonished that I was capable of something so horrible.

I half-expected Edward to deny my claim. He was always so quick to correct me when I insisted anything along that nature. But he remained silent, even in his mind, and it was that that lifted my gaze to him again. He truly did not know what to think.

"Where did I go?" I whispered, feeling the thin shreds of my sanity slowly begin to wither away.

For what seemed like an eternity there was silence between us. I didn't even have a heartbeat left to have thunder in my ears. Finally his lips parted to speak, and his gaze stared unseeingly past my shoulder. "I was so scared, Bella. Seeing you in so much pain and knowing it was all because of me," he recalled in a low voice. I winced along with him as a flash of myself screaming in pain took over his memories. "I couldn't stand it," he continued. "I thought I would lose you forever..." Edward trailed off, hesitating with what he wanted to say next, but continued when he realized I would hear it in his thoughts anyway. "Maybe I already have," Edward spoke softly, looking back to my onyx depths as he uttered his concern.

Normally tears would have welled up, but all I could feel now was an absence; a phantom burning behind my eyelids, and I was confused how to display my emotions. It was a new sensation, but it was closer to "me" than this harshness that had strangely possessed my character, and I welcomed the familiarity of it.

I was the one who damaged us, now I had to be the one to fix it. Taking the few steps back toward Edward, I gingerly reached out and cupped his face in my hand, swiping my thumb over his bottom lip. He blinked his saddened eyes and placed his hand on top of my own. "No... you haven't lost me, Edward." I said. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. You're right. Something is wrong with me," I said. Then laughed humorlessly at the irony that I had said the same exact thing just the day earlier before my mind got the better of me. "Something is _still_ wrong with me."

The crease that disrupted his forehead faded as he recognized me again. "I told you before, Bella, nothing is _wrong_ with you," he said, his lips turning upward ever so slightly at the corners. "But we will find out what's going on. I promise," he added touching his forehead to mine.

I was all too thankful that he was willing to put my irrational behavior behind us. I couldn't say that I deserved his forgiveness. Part of me couldn't help but wonder if he was still trying to make up for leaving me, but it was a quick passing thought which he interrupted by kissing me softly on my lips... on his own accord of course.

A fleeting image of him pressing me up against the tree filled his thoughts. I squinted shamefully and pulled away. "Yeah... Um, I'm sorry I made you..." I trailed off, suddenly embarrassed by our sexual encounter. It certainly wasn't the way I had expected it to happen for the first time.

Edward shook his head. "You were right about one thing, Bella. You didn't _make_ me do anything I didn't want to do," he replied honestly. "You certainly don't have to use any coercion to make me love you." He emphasized his point by kissing me once again, lingering his mouth against mine as the back of his fingers stroked down along the column of my neck.

_I will_ always _love you, Bella_.

Always. Edward accentuated that word heavily in his thoughts. _Always._

He pulled away and his lingering gaze emphasized the sincerity in his claims. I managed to smile half-heartedly.

_Always_. Was he saying that I could do no wrong? My eyes fell from his and onto the lifeless hiker that was sprawled on the ground to my right. _Even this?_ I turned away from Edward and the corpse, no longer wanting to witness the remains of my first ruthless kill. Edward's hand trailed down my arm before he released me and suddenly I heard a shuffling of leaves and damp soil being overturned behind me. I didn't allow myself to process what exactly was happening behind me and I did not turn to find out—I was trapped pondering that single word that Edward had accentuated in his thoughts. Was Edward really that forgiving or did he feel that he owed me? One thing for certain was that I was very different... and not just the fact that I was no longer human—I was no longer _me_. What if I was _too_ different? Edward loved me for who I was, not this stranger with eyes like pools of oil; this stranger who would take advantage of him, make him do and say things, speak to him with disrespect... Could he really still love me despite all this?

The rustling of ferns and loose earth continued, finally claiming my attention as I frowned in curiosity. When I turned to face Edward again, the body was no longer where it had been. Instead, there was only a small mound of disrupted soil beneath scattered branches and moss-covered stones.

"I took care of it," Edward replied before I could ask, brushing his palms against the sides of his pants. Bits of soil fell to the ground beside him.

I kept my eyes downcast, watching a small clump of dirt roll off his shoe. "Is he going to become..." I trailed off emotionlessly.

Edward shook his head. "No. He's dead Bella. For good," he replied, studying my face curiously. I wasn't sure what expression was being displayed. "Don't worry, the rain will wash away the scent," he continued. "It's going to be okay."

I peered back at his face and nodded, still unsure what to do or say next. I was slowly beginning to realize the magnitude of the situation—what had happened to me in the last twenty-four hours. For once there was no pain in my head to distract me from my own thoughts: Edward had come back to me, and I was a vampire now... _Wow_.

Edward offered his hand to me. "We'll figure out what's going on, Bella. Come. Let's go home."

I took his hand willingly and looked up into his still troubled face. "Thank you again, Edward. For saving me. I know it was hard for you to do what you did," I said quietly, staring into his blood-painted irises.

Edward sighed and reeled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around my back. "I couldn't lose you again," he whispered sadly, and kissed the top of my head. Then his arms tightened around me as he hoped to contain the 'familiar Bella' against himself for as long as he could, both of us unsure if or when I would revert back to how I had been before.

I glanced again at the small inconspicuous grave and for a moment, I was actually fooled in believing that it had never happened, until a splatter of blood on a low branch caught my scent. Instantly, I felt my body tense. My mouth pooled with fresh venom. Edward must have sensed it as well because his arms left my back and gripped the sides of my arms as if preparing to restrain me.

An unintentional defensive snarl escaped my lips but I caught it midway and silenced myself. I looked up at Edward in utter horror as I realized what had triggered my anger.

"Get me out of here, Edward."

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**A/N #2**:

Now, I hate to be THAT person, but we've received some interesting reviews that had to be deleted due to the severity of the comments. First of all, let's get something straight. We've said it before and we'll say it again, we in no way have any intention of keeping Bella in an OOC mood throughout the rest of the story. I think that was pretty clear in this update. However, there is a reason behind the madness, folks and if someone doesn't like certain plot points in our story, we ask you to please NOT full out blast us for that. We appreciate any critiques and suggestions that you may have but do not come out and say that we have taken a turn for the worst. (Yes, someone actually said that). It is uncalled for and if you do not like the story, then don't read it. It's that simple. We honestly appreciate those of you who do read this and enjoy it but for some others who have been legit rude with us, we will not tolerate that at all.

Secondly, IT'S A FANFICTION. It's our story, we just fart around with SMeyer's characters. And yeah, I said "fart around." Don't make fun... lol. The point is that we will take any criticism you guys throw our way as long as it's constructive and not rude. I think most us know the proper way to make suggestions to fellow writers.

Mkay, that's it. I'm done ranting. No more discussing this issue anymore. :) Now, I'm sure you all will be asking about the kill that Bella made and how that pertains to the treaty, yada yada yada. All will be explained later ;) And I know you all are probably sitting there going, "WTH? I can't wait THAT long!" Well, tough... haha. No, really, we'll do our best to update soon and you'll get your fill of the information you want to know about at that time.

Again, to those of you who have supported our story, thank you very much! We send you lots of hugs and we hope you continue to enjoy the story :)


	21. Appearances Can Be Deceiving Part 1

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: I'm not even going to look to see when the last time we posted an update for this story. We're so sorry that it's been FOREVER. Thank you all so much for sticking with us! We really do appreciate that. Both **kalejay** and myself have been busy with our real lives and working on our own fictions - **Bloodlust** and **Secret Prophecies**. We'll be doing our best to post updates for this story in b/t the others, so we ask you all to please continue to be patient.

Another thing, I would seriously like to comment on the response that we received from the A/N that I posted last time that was in regards to certain people not liking the change in plot. Several of you voiced your opinions and proved that you all were truly loyal to the story and we honestly couldn't be more happy or thankful to have readers such as yourselves. Thank you all so much for your support. I promise you that Bella's change in behavior is pertinent and even though Chapter 19 was WAY out there, it was something necessary if not also fun to write. ;)

This update isn't exactly the longest thing ever... in fact it's pretty short, but the next update will be much more informative. It was all I had time to write for now but I thought you all would enjoy reading something new from this story. :)

Enjoy!

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**Part One**

Bella's POV:

Small drops of liquid pelted the ground. Clear crystals glistening in a cerulean haze, clinging to the verdant blades of grass, the emerald, waxy leaves of trees – trees that stood high above, like arms reaching towards the heavens.

Fresh, sweet, moist air embraced my skin, cool against icy cold. I closed my eyes as water slid down my lids.

Rain.

It was strange how different it felt now. Every aqueous bead traveled down my body in their own paths, trickling from head to toe. I could feel the miniscule rivulets of water snake along the crevices of my fingers.

As a human, I hated the rain. But as I vampire…

I relished in it.

Refreshing – it washed my body away of the dirt and grime, the blood and pain. Ochre and cerise.

Eyes opened, taking in passing splintered trunks, I walked through the forest. The cascade of rain shattered against the leaves, like fingers dancing across piano keys. It played my requiem.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my eyes looking everywhere but his.

Fingers slid across each other, tangling at their joints, the skin wet and cold. Palms kissed, wrists intertwined.

Forgiveness.

"Don't be."

Shutting my eyes, the guilt coursing through my dead veins, my hand squeezed his and together we continued our journey home.

It wasn't until we were several feet away that the pungent odor of disinfectant met my nose. I grimaced in disgust.

"They're trying to get rid of your scent," Edward told me, his hand firmly holding mine, as if he were afraid I would leave. Yet, how could I blame him? After my behavior, I wasn't even sure I could trust myself from not running blindly into the woods before the rest of the Cullens could even see me. "They would have done it earlier, but no one thought you would make it." His voice was sad, hollow.

I stopped suddenly and turned to him. The blood red of his eyes had dulled infinitesimally as his gaze was cast downward, studying a colony of ants that raced past our feet. My thumb automatically began tracing comforting circles across his skin.

"Alice knew of course," he continued, glancing up towards the direction of our home. With my now enhanced vision, I could make out the white paneling of the mansion and just within a swift black shadow danced across a side window. _Alice_.

Sure enough, I saw the image of my undead form awakening on the forest floor in her mind and the sudden wave of shock as she told the rest of her family. I glanced away, not sure if this was such a good idea. She would have surely seen everything else that I had done.

"Don't be afraid," Edward whispered, his breath tickling my ear.

"Edward, I know you're out there keeping my best friend from me," Alice called out.

I smiled.

"Yeah, stop being so selfish." A soft giggle escaped my lips at Emmett's teasing words. "We want to see her!"

_Careful_.

I frowned, gripping Edward's hand even tighter. "Jasper doesn't trust me," I said, recognizing the tone of his thoughts.

"Jasper will be like that at first, but don't worry. He'll come around, Bella. Alice hasn't shared the rest of her visions with the family so for the time being, it's just our little secret."

His words did little to comfort me but I knew he was right. He moved a few steps forward, turning around to look at me. His gaze was so… tired, concerned, worried, yet through all of it, there was love.

_Follow him, Bella_. It was Alice, nudging me forward as if her voice where hands on my back, gently pushing me towards him.

Reluctantly, I followed him through the trees and out into the clearing that encompassed the large home. All of them were there on the porch, waiting for us. But I knew Edward was wrong about one thing. It would be a long time before Jasper could trust me. And by the tense stance of his body as he stood protectively close behind Alice, I knew that he was right in his feelings. I'm sure my unease was felt tenfold by him and it didn't help that my guilt and underlying defiance was nearly as strong.

The tension was thick in the air, coating the invisible particles that hung between us as Edward and I stopped just in front of the stairs. I'm sure the two of us looked quite the pair - the newborn with black eyes, the older one with red.

Carlisle had his arm wrapped around Esme's shoulders as they both smiled at me. Though his gaze continually darted to Edward. Rosalie seemed the same as ever, sneering at me in distrust, as Emmett beamed down at me. I didn't dare look over at Alice and Jasper. While most of them seemed genuinely pleased to see me, worry tainted their thoughts.

"Bella." Esme was the first to break the silence, moving from Carlisle to me. Her small arms wrapped around my waist, squeezing me affectionately. "I'm so glad you're okay," she murmured, her voice quiet in my ear. I hugged her back but Jasper's blistering gaze on my face made it nearly impossible for me to enjoy the reunion.

Edward stepped towards Carlisle, murmuring in fast, sharp hisses that I could barely register and it was obvious they were speaking so quickly to make sure that I would not understand. Even though I was a newborn, I still had to get used to hearing them speak at that pace. However, words such as "...she killed..." and "...treaty..." stood out to me. Choosing to ignore them, I released Esme, finding it difficult to not feel somewhat relieved at the beaming smile that graced her beautiful features.

Alice was next, bouncing down the stairs. Even though she knew my previous behavior, it did not hinder her excitement in seeing me. The rain still soiled the earth, its droplets sparkling in her onyx hair.

She threw herself at me without a care – the optimistic pixie that she was. And as I held her, a smell lingered there, sweeping past my nose. My senses seemed to heighten as Edward and Carlisle's conversation echoed in my mind.

"Why are her eyes black?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't know," Edward whispered. "You know what I told you. Alice saw it all. Carlisle, what does that mean? She's… she's not herself. I don't know when her personality will snap again and I don't know if I'll be able to control her when it does."

Freesias. Sweet. Floral. My mouth pooled with venom at the smell of my once human self. It was all over Alice.

A tiny gasp escaped her lips and she immediately released me, her startled gaze mirrored in the ebony depths of my eyes.

"Bella?"

She had seen my reaction to the scent before I had felt it. Images flickered in my mind like that of an old movie film, reeling across the screen. I was attacking her. And then everything went black in her mind's eye. She frowned, confused.

_Come here, Alice_. I thought, focusing in on the command. My hand outstretched to her as she took a robotic, timid step forward, her gaze now locked on mine. "Come to me."

Jasper was between us before she could make another move, pushing her back behind him.

Mud flew into the air at his halting feet, his body crouched low as a feral grow broke through his bared teeth. But I wasn't able to see his reaction after that for Edward rushed in front of me, hisses rippling through his body as he faced his brother.

I stumbled backwards, the motion snapping something within me. It was as if what had triggered my malicious behavior had suddenly come to an end. I glanced up at Alice in horror.

"Oh God," I murmured, eyes wide. "Alice… I'm so – "

"Don't talk to her!" Jasper roared, his gaze still focused on Edward. "Don't even look at her!"

"Jasper!" Alice pleaded, her gaze darting back and forth from Jasper and Edward to me. "She doesn't understand. Can't you tell that she's confused?"

"I don't care!" he seethed. His black eyes turned to me suddenly, two pools beseeching death.

Edward cut him off. "If you so much as lay a _finger_ on her – "

"Boys!" Esme chided. "Please! Don't act this way."

Emmett and Rosalie watched on in shock, too taken aback by the sudden change in events to understand how to react. Whose side did they choose?

I merely shivered in the rain, not because of the cold but because of the fear that immediately consumed me – fear of myself.

"You keep her away from Alice, Edward," Jasper hissed, his voice threatening.

Edward growled. "And you would do well to keep away from Bella."

"Edward, stop," I pleaded, but he continued on.

"We all know how you react around her." Images of Jasper's near attack on my birthday flashed through my mind.

Jasper lunged at him, teeth gnashing.

"That's enough!" Carlisle was between them, his gaze dangerous. A deadly silence emanated throughout the air as lightening crackled overhead. Carlisle glanced at both of his sons, disgusted. "I will not have this family ripped to shreds. Bella is apart of us and always will be." He turned to Jasper then. "And regardless of her actions we can not turn against each other, is that understood?"

Jasper looked towards his father in disbelief, too stunned by his words. Carlisle still held his gaze but his next comment was directed to someone else. "Edward, you will take Bella to the cottage behind the house. Until we can figure out why she is behaving in this way she is not welcome here anymore."

Edward let out a strangled breath. "But you just sa – "

"I know what I just said," Carlisle hissed, turning his attention to his other son. Pain laced through his glittering, tawny eyes. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I love Bella like a daughter and I always have. But we can't trust her right now and if she went after Esme… I don't know what I would do."

He turned his apologetic gaze to me, but I could do nothing but stand frozen in place, feeling as if I had been crushed, stomped on like an unwanted bug, too disgusting and useless for my own good.

"Carlisle." Edward's voice shook, desperate in his plea. "Please – "

Numbly, I walked over to Edward, moving cautiously as to not startle anyone. "Edward," I murmured, gently placing a hand on his upper arm. "Come on."

Still he didn't budge. The hurt expression that transfixed his gaze lingered on the individual who had given his existence life.

"Edward, please. It's going to be okay. Carlisle is right." I tugged on him lightly, pulling him with me. "Come on."

I didn't dare look at the rest of them as Edward blindly followed me away from his family. He felt betrayed. _I_ felt betrayed. But then I had betrayed all of them. I wish that they would let me do this alone but knowing Edward, that option was out of the question. And if I was being honest with myself, I don't think I could do this without him.

Voices lingered in the air as we continued into the woods, jumping across the small river that flowed furiously in the rain.

The little cottage was before us in no time, beckoning to me with its warmth and comfort. Yet it was a lie – an asylum for the sadistic mind that was nestled inside my head. I felt suffocated.

We stood in the threshold and I glanced around at the comfortable furnishings – all Esme's doing.

Edward wrapped his arm around me and I leant into him, my eyes fixed on nothing in particular as the weight of what had just occurred finally set in. "It's going to be okay," he whispered, smoothing out my soaked hair. His voice seemed different, lost. "We're going to be okay."

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*to be continued*


	22. Appearances Can Be Deceiving Part 2

**Disclaimer**: We own nothing. All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. And we do not get any sort of profit from this.

**A/N**: Thank you all for your awesome reviews! We love reading what you have to say :) I know some of you are concerned about the darker twist of this story. It will eventually get lighter, but I will warn you about this update. The ending is kind of dark, so I'm just letting you all know now. Capiche?

Also, this is a VERY short update, but at least it's something. We promise to have longer updates in the future!

Alright, now go read ;)

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_Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe_

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**Part II**

Edward's POV:

The wind swam through the trees, maneuvering amongst the green waves that shook and shivered in the cool air. Midnight feathers fluttered to the barren ground as the haunting caw of a crow echoed in the distance.

I stood in the doorway of our room, staring out through the window that looked to the east. Darkness seemed to creep its way over to my soul, dousing it with its torment and death.

My eyes strayed to a figure sitting silently in the cloth-covered armchair that sat in the corner of the room. Her hands were folded lazily in her lap. The delicate features of her pale face drew smooth lines that created the immortal she was today, the human now in the past. Her onyx eyes glistened with every shadow that danced across the walls, sweeping past her face, tainting her porcelain skin with gray splashes of paint.

She was a statue. Solid. Empty. Hollow.

Isabella Swan was lost – truly lost, in the way that one seems to drift from themselves never to be found again.

My Bella was gone.

_Edward, I'm walking to the door. Don't be startled. _

I turned my head slightly to the thoughts that drifted away in the afternoon breeze surrounding the small cottage. The soft click of the front door opening and closing drew me away from my frozen lover, towards another cold, dark room where her happiness ceased to exist.

Alice stood in the foyer, her tawny eyes sad.

"You should be okay," I told her. "Bella's mind is no longer in this world anymore. She's… ever since we got here, she's drawn into herself. I can't get her to talk to me anymore, Alice. Sometimes she'll whisper incoherently to me and smile and then other times I can see the bloodlust pass over her eyes and I know she's changing again. But she's never done anything threatening since we left the house. Now, she just sits in a corner… silent."

Arms wrapped tightly around my waist as the scent of lavender and spice met my nose. I glanced down at the small pixy who clung to me, her ebony tresses tickling the underside of my chin. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

I held her, my eyes staring towards the closed wooden door blankly. "So am I."

She pulled away from me, her eyes drifting to the hallway that led to our bedroom. "Bella's in there isn't she?"

I nodded, my gaze following hers. A slight breeze swept past me as Alice flitted down the hall out of sight.

Instantly, I followed her, a hint of panic rising in my chest. I had no idea how or even if Bella would react to her being so close.

Upon rounding the corner, I found Alice standing in the doorway, taking my place I had held earlier. A forlorn shadow passed over her eyes, extinguishing the sparkling glint in the amber irises.

Bella remained motionless, not even acknowledging my sister's presence.

"Maybe you shouldn't be so close to her, Alice," I whispered.

"She won't do anything." The tone of her voice was defeated, coated with the slate ash of decay. Though she fought to stay strong, deep inside, Alice grieved for her friend. "With her mind so silent, I can see her," she murmured. "We need to hurry."

Alice spun around and walked past me then, back down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" I asked, glancing at Bella over my shoulder as I left.

"_We_ are going back to the house," she explained, stopping at the front door to look at me. "Carlisle wants to see you."

"But Bella – "

"She'll be okay for a little while. You won't be gone long," Alice assured me, opening the front door. The ghostly breeze that had once sang its earlier lament swept over me and I shut my eyes, battling the despair that soaked my nerves.

A small hand enveloped mine. "It's only for a little while," she murmured, her thumb softly stroking my skin. "Just a little while."

~*~*~

The trees crashed sluggishly into each other, high in the canopy above us. I watched them sway back and forth, stray decaying leaves falling to the ground from their actions.

"We'll figure this out," Alice said, her feet barely crunching the dead leaves beneath us. "I've told them all that I had seen from what had happened with Bella's change – minus a few parts."

Heavy breathing echoed in my mind as images of Bella writhing against my hips flashed before me.

"Perv," Alice muttered.

A hint of a smile ghosted my lips, but just barely.

"Everyone's been researching since you two left," she explained.

"How long ago was that?" I wondered, hardly knowing what time of day it truly was. The morning and night seemed to bleed into each other, like spilt water over a painted canvas.

"Ten hours ago."

The remaining trip was quiet as we walked towards the back of the white mansion. Jasper waited on the porch for our return but I did not acknowledge him – my brother who sought to always comfort others with his emotions.

I didn't want the pleasantries. I didn't need them.

"He's waiting for you inside," Jasper said, his gaze concerned. I didn't need his power to feel the guilt radiating off of him, yet I still did not stop to meet his gaze. "Edward," he rasped, clutching my arm. "I'm… I'm sorry."

I shook my head, quietly telling him not to worry and gently pulled free of his grasp. The house was hushed, still. The clinks from the hard heels of my shoes reverberated off the walls, laughing at me. Moving further into the home, it seemed so foreign. It was mine and yet it wasn't.

Stopping just beside of the grand staircase, I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. It was slight, barely there. I didn't need to turn to see my family sitting in the living room, their bodies frozen in time, watching me.

"Edward."

The voice drifted down the stairs and I turned to glance up. Carlisle stood on the top landing, his hands shoved into his pockets, his eyes weathered from too many years. "Come up with me," he requested, turning to slowly walk away.

I moved listlessly up the stairs, hardly registering my feet touching the smooth, polished wood. As I ascended, I turned my attention towards the hallway where Carlisle's office resided. The wooden cross that hung on the far end of the hall stared down at me, tormenting me with my sin.

When I finally entered the erudite study, full of its worn-bound books and musty smell, my eyes found the blonde vampire standing near a window, his gaze transfixed on where our little cottage now stood, and every once in a while, his eyes would stray, as if he were looking for something… or _someone_. As I watched him, I realized how very old he truly was. The aged wisdom that coated his every move was more evident to me then than it ever had been before.

"How is she?" he asked, his back still facing me.

I didn't know how to answer that. Images of Bella's sallow expression entered my mind, making me wince. My hand came up to lightly grasp the side of the doorframe. "Not as well as I would like."

A sliver of sunlight cut through the misty haze, dancing atop the flittering leaves outside.

"I have walked this Earth for nearly four centuries," he spoke, his voice quiet. "I have seen lives taken away – human and immortal. I have witnessed and have taken part in many of them. When you've lived as long as I have, you see many things you wish you hadn't."

He turned to me then, his face stricken with grief. "But I have never seen a newborn react in the way that Bella has. Nor have I known someone who experienced what she did as a human before the change."

Slowly, he walked over to his desk and sat down, burying his tired face in the palms of his hands. "I've been through about one hundred books," he sighed. "All of them useless and granting me no reprieve from the questions that assault my mind."

I found myself walking towards him – the man I considered to be my father, my creator.

"It seems…" he said, letting his hands drop to the desk heavily. "… that whatever was disrupting Bella's mind when she was human, has now effected her transformation. I have ideas but nothing to back them up. I can't solidify my claims if I have no evidence. No proof." Carlisle became frustrated then, running his fingers through his blonde hair. "I don't like splitting apart the family and unable to fix it. I fix people for a living, but I can't find a way to fix one of my own kind. Not one damn thing!" he seethed, instantly knocking a glass vase to the side. The force of his hand shattered the crystal as its glistening shards littered the ground, the clear water seeping into the carpet as blood-red rose petals bled swirling pigments into the flowing liquid.

"Things just don't seem to be getting better," Carlisle sighed, leaning back into his chair, unable to meet my eyes.

My fingers found solace in twisting and raking through the bronze locks of my hair.

"But give me some time," Carlisle reasoned. "I'll do some more research; see what I can come up with."

"Edward." Alice burst into the office, her voice panicked, eyes frantic.

Flashes of fire and chocolate hair assailed my mind. I turned to her, all sound disappearing in a matter of seconds as we locked eyes.

"It's Bella."

~*~*~

Burnt flesh and smoking embers left nauseating particles in the air. I raced through the trees, startling a flock of blackbirds as they flapped their wings rapidly, crying out warnings into the alien forest.

The fear which consumed me, pushed my muscles to work harder, constrict tighter, pulled my bones so my joints would move and carry me closer to the one person I needed to see more than anything.

"Please," I muttered, eyes focusing on dusty smoke, which billowed out of the chimney of the cottage.

The hinges of the door screamed in protest as I burst through, mind racing, eyes dancing from room to room. "Bella!"

My legs couldn't move fast enough. It was as if a wall was pushing against me, holding me back. "Bella, answer me!"

She had never moved from our room as I rounded the corner to find her kneeling before the burning flames in the fireplace. We never used it, as it was merely decorative according to Esme.

I slowed my gait painfully, afraid of what I would see. She did not turn upon my arrival. Her body remained knelt before the flames.

"It doesn't hurt," she murmured.

Eyes wide, panic pricking the layers of my skin, I walked closer to her so that I could now see the profile of her broken form. Her right arm was outstretched, fingers moving in the fire as blisters boiled across her sparkling skin. She looked at me, her eyes two empty wells. "Why doesn't it hurt?"

I reached for a blanket from our bed and pulled her away from the flames, wrapping her hand in the heavy cloth. "Bella, what were you thinking!"

She glanced up at me as I held her; her doe-like eyes lost. "It doesn't hurt," she repeated. "It doesn't hurt me."

Gently tucking a sorrel strand of hair behind her ear, my fingers threaded through the soft tresses as I pulled her to my chest, rocking her back and forth as I stared into the sparking flames that threatened to take her away from me.

"Why doesn't it hurt?" she muttered, her body limp in my arms. "I wanted it to hurt."

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Reviews will make Carlisle research faster.


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